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I was directing my post to the specific question posted by Rakin: Why don't most Black women date White men?
In my post I stated that this is ONE of the main culturally based reasons.
I also stated that this way of thinking is changing.
As a Black woman, I know what the attitudes/opinions are of older Blacks regarding Black women/White men relationships. I know what I have personally experienced as a Black woman who has dated non-Black men.
I'm glad I came back to this thread and thank you for the explanation. We have quite a few interracial couples we call friends and maybe 2 out of 20 are black female with a white male.
Just curious as why more black women don't venture out & try new things.
This topic is about skewed and negative perceptions regarding the suitability of black people, specifically black men, as potential mates. And I personally think these perceptions aren't limited to Asians. Negrophobia appears to be a more or less universal social trait. yes, we know blacks can be bigoted as well. In fact, it should come as no surprise that black women are typically the least likely to consider interracial dating. Some of it is a willingness issue, as many black women unnecessarily constrain themselves due to some primordial duty to the "black race". But a lot of it is frankly how black women are viewed by the society at large, a society that still posits the ultimate ideal of beauty as having blonde hair and blue eyes.
That's the very problem. Why can't people just be viewed as people? A revolutionary idea, I know. But really quite simple. No one wants character traits ascribed to them by virtue of something they couldn't help being born with. Finding love should be about seeking and achieving a particularly human kind of compatibility. That this process has been reduced to some socially expedient race-based power grab in some groups really is sickening.
I'm not trying to "make" anyone do anything. Just pointing out obvious bigotry where I see it, in hopes that people will simply stop trying to make excuses for it. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who'd be ignorant enough to disqualify me before really getting to know me anyway, especially when it is based on some asinine consideration about how much of a status increase or decrease my color would afford them.
hmm... i don't agree. I don't think black men have anymore trouble dating or marrying if they want to. i think it has to do with the individual and if they do face challenges, it may seem like a different set of challenges than others but it is the same but a case of apples and oranges.
there are plenty of people because of bigotry, personal tastes or stereotypes or racism who would not date any number of races that exist and vice versa.
your idea of "ignorant enough to disqualify me before really getting to know me" is quite flabberghastingly unrealistic. why? because people disqualify people for all kinds of reasons before getting to know them and do even on "purpose" and even if they are smart enough to know that someone can be a good person or this or that, it's not the real issue. why do people think "nerds", for instance, get reviled or rejected or the stereotype of the "nice" guy or the plain jane etc. some people may like "hypermasculinity" and some people may not or something else. everyone is perceived with some level of personal preference, or criteria. you just think blacks are an exception when it's not the case.
um, as for your idea that black women who don't date some nonblack men, it's not just because the idea of beauty is 'blonde and blue-eyed'. it's because some of them actually are not attracted to nonblacks. your excuse isn't correct because black women are not usually attracted to an asian man (not that i expect them to) and it may be partly for thier looks or the fact they are asian, whether they are a 'good' person has nothing to do with it, there are lots of good people in the world, lol. this dynamic can apply to other races with any number of people and have the same or similar criteria. social ideas or even conditioning of what is acceptable and what people find attractive apply to anyone and affect everyone in different ways. it's not just limited to blacks.
as for the op, there are people who actually want to date blacks or find them attractive despite whatever stereotypes float around because we all have them and on the receiving end as well. it's all disrespectful and make the person a nonperson like an object but for various reasons. i can bet you that a young white female would more than likely want to date a young black man than say what is termed a 'fobby' asian etc. or some stereotypical 'scrawny, nerdy, asian'. but using your logic, we would have to question this with indignation, "there is nothing wrong with scrawny, nerdy or being asian, you are a bigot! plus god made them that way, you should value someone's heart and "get to know" them etc etc. it then escalates from there.
bottomline, i don't think black people have any more stereotypes than any number of minorities. they may be a bit different but that's natural.
i think blacks assume other minorities don't have these problems or people's perceptions of them are not colored by bigotry, stereotypes or even racism but just black people are. that's not true.
oh btw, since the focus is usually on how blacks are stereotyped yadda yadda even in society, even blacks have come to believe that they are predominantly on the receiving end or always. but the truth is blacks also stereotype others just like anyone else consciously or unconsciously with whatever is floating around about whatever group, race, ethnicity etc.
I'm glad I came back to this thread and thank you for the explanation. We have quite a few interracial couples we call friends and maybe 2 out of 20 are black female with a white male.
Just curious as why more black women don't venture out & try new things.
There are a lot more Black women actually starting to do just that!
Also, I think that the higher Black women are on the socioeconomic "ladder" and the higher levels of education, the more open they are to interracial relationships.
Location: The Chatterdome in La La Land, CaliFUNia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenLightan
I am a black male, and most people have said and rated me very attractive and very intelligent. I graduated from one of the top private universities in the country and I hold a very good job for a person my age. I also have traveled around the world and have noticed a huge disparity on how women from other countries treat me compared to how most women in America treat me.
It just seems as if most women born in this country who are white, Asian, Latina etc; are so hesitant to actually start a relationship with me. There is no doubt they show there is obvious interest in me with them sending me text messages and giving me there numbers, flirting with me in the office, inviting me to some special events. However when it comes to you know starting a real relationship and even showing you want to commit, they run around circles and play games. Almost as if they are scared to have them meet there parents. I once asked this beautiful white female out who I knew was interested in me from the start and it took almost four months of leading her and basically just asking her out until she finally agreed to go on a date. Our relationship only lasted two months and it seems all of my relationships with women raised in this country last only from one night to two months.
It is completely different with the woman I encountered from other countries. I met this one Japanese girl who was cute and goofy, and our strange relationship lasted long. She was willing to use her money out of her own expense to take me to Japan to meet her family and get married. She was serious about it too, saw the ticket and everything. I also once dated this girl from Spain, and she was very open-minded from the start...I even met her family.
I also had this long relationship with a white woman from Germany. We dated and went to Germany together for a couple months. I can tell you my experience as a black man in Germany on a daily basis was much more positive than my experience as a black man in America. I felt the people there automatically gave me respect. No long stares, great conversations, and hardly any of it had to do with me being black. Ironically, it is like that when I go to any other European country, I just feel that I am more respected and accepted. Who would have thought I would feel comfortable in a sea of white faces, however this issue belongs in another board I guess.
I also conducted a fun experiment where I joined a dating web site for fun. I set up a quick profile with some of my pics. I decided to chat with 10 women who were from the states, and 10 women who were located internationally. My main goal was to be direct about what I wanted and ask them for their personal information. The 10 women I chatted with who were not from the states, were not uptight at all. They were willing to give out personal info about themselves, and eight out of the 10 of them even gave me there number. The only time the fact I was black came up and this was when one of them said it was there wish to have sex with a black man.
The 10 women I chatted from who were from different parts of the USA, asked follow up questions, seemed very uptight and thought I was being rude, brought up race and giving excuses that they have not been in a biracial relationship before. They tried to give me other options like maybe an email or aim at first and all that other nonsense.
Why has the World or at least the Eastern Hemisphere put race aside however America has not? Maybe that is the real question. Why am I not truly accepted by the mainstream in when basically I did everything right here in America, but the world accepts me? An answer to the question I posed is the American media that continues to belittle and defame black people, and portray our culture as inferior. There are other variables, and I could use other examples based on current evens to validate my point. It is so ironic indeed.
I can't speak for women abroad but many American women (regardless of race) are very cautious. From reading your post, you seem to be the type of guy that comes on really strong and that intimidates many women. Maybe try taking things a little more slower and don't just assume that it's your race that's turning women off.
I am a black male, and most people have said and rated me very attractive and very intelligent. I graduated from one of the top private universities in the country and I hold a very good job for a person my age. I also have traveled around the world and have noticed a huge disparity on how women from other countries treat me compared to how most women in America treat me.
It just seems as if most women born in this country who are white, Asian, Latina etc; are so hesitant to actually start a relationship with me. There is no doubt they show there is obvious interest in me with them sending me text messages and giving me there numbers, flirting with me in the office, inviting me to some special events. However when it comes to you know starting a real relationship and even showing you want to commit, they run around circles and play games. Almost as if they are scared to have them meet there parents. I once asked this beautiful white female out who I knew was interested in me from the start and it took almost four months of leading her and basically just asking her out until she finally agreed to go on a date. Our relationship only lasted two months and it seems all of my relationships with women raised in this country last only from one night to two months.
It is completely different with the woman I encountered from other countries. I met this one Japanese girl who was cute and goofy, and our strange relationship lasted long. She was willing to use her money out of her own expense to take me to Japan to meet her family and get married. She was serious about it too, saw the ticket and everything. I also once dated this girl from Spain, and she was very open-minded from the start...I even met her family.
I also had this long relationship with a white woman from Germany. We dated and went to Germany together for a couple months. I can tell you my experience as a black man in Germany on a daily basis was much more positive than my experience as a black man in America. I felt the people there automatically gave me respect. No long stares, great conversations, and hardly any of it had to do with me being black. Ironically, it is like that when I go to any other European country, I just feel that I am more respected and accepted. Who would have thought I would feel comfortable in a sea of white faces, however this issue belongs in another board I guess.
I also conducted a fun experiment where I joined a dating web site for fun. I set up a quick profile with some of my pics. I decided to chat with 10 women who were from the states, and 10 women who were located internationally. My main goal was to be direct about what I wanted and ask them for their personal information. The 10 women I chatted with who were not from the states, were not uptight at all. They were willing to give out personal info about themselves, and eight out of the 10 of them even gave me there number. The only time the fact I was black came up and this was when one of them said it was there wish to have sex with a black man.
The 10 women I chatted from who were from different parts of the USA, asked follow up questions, seemed very uptight and thought I was being rude, brought up race and giving excuses that they have not been in a biracial relationship before. They tried to give me other options like maybe an email or aim at first and all that other nonsense.
Why has the World or at least the Eastern Hemisphere put race aside however America has not? Maybe that is the real question. Why am I not truly accepted by the mainstream in when basically I did everything right here in America, but the world accepts me? An answer to the question I posed is the American media that continues to belittle and defame black people, and portray our culture as inferior. There are other variables, and I could use other examples based on current evens to validate my point. It is so ironic indeed.
Maybe it is not your race, maybe it is just you? You might be very smart and have a good paying job, but that does not always mean you are "all that".
And if these women don't want you, why do you keep trying? Obviously black women treat you better so why not stay with them. Unless you don't like to date black American women...
but as far as your assessment of aversion to races, that goes for people of all races who have aversions. even blacks have aversions to certain races depending on the individual. and asians both male and female have been the target of aversion too. it's just people's preferences.
Yeah but there is no denying that these "preferences" tend to be overwhelmingly one-sided:
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