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"And when I die
and when I'm gone
there'll be one child born in this world
to carry on."- Blood, Sweat & Tears
Actually, Laura Nyro wrote and recorded that song, although BST were the ones who made it famous. I believe she was just nineteen at the time. She had a beautiful, soaring voice. She died at only 49, of ovarian cancer.
I don't like a big fuss being made over me now while I'm alive and I don't want it when I die. Some people love birthday parties thrown for them, and parties celebrating their achievements or recognizing them for various things. I don't like that. I'm a more private person and I'd rather celebrate with dinner with my husband and kids and nothing more. And the same when I die.
My husband has a very different personality and he loves to be the center of attention in life and he would want people to gather for his funeral too. So for him I will do that but I don't want that for me!
X dies (whomever that may be), and I am the one who is expected or directed to carry out X's directions for the funeral, cremation, celebration or non-event...whatever. Why would I do anything other than what X wanted, unless it was something horrendously expensive, wasteful or illegal?
X knew what he or she wanted, why would I not keep faith with them? Seems downright treacherous and unloving to substitute my idea of what X should have wanted to satisfy me and a bunch of other people.
If the living have their own ideas about how X's life should be "celebrated" in order to please them, or whatever, let them do that after X's wishes have been carried out.
Have a little memorial gathering, if you like. Any siblings may like to arrange it with you, but you can always go ahead and do it on your own. I did something like that and it was comforting for everyone, I think.
Funerals are a strong tradition in the Christian church. But as Americans become less religious, and families smaller, more fractured and separated by distance, discarding of the traditional funeral is becoming more common. AFter all, if someone dies in a large city, with very little family and few friends, what is the point of a church funeral for a small group of mourners. This becomes more true as people get older and start to outlive their own siblings and friends. MY MIL is 96, and almost all her family is dead, in a nursing home or moved away. My guess is that her funeral will be very small.
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