Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The whole problem I see with this idea of giving up and "letting Nature take its' course" is we don't know when it's "our time" to go!
I think that having a defeatist attitude or just giving up and not doing what you can to care for yourself is rather self-centered. It is your responsibility to yourself and the rest of society to take care of what health you have because you don't know when your time is up.
Of course it is self-centered. Taking care or not taking care of oneself is self-centered.
But not always a negative thing.
How do I have a responsibility to society to take care of my health?
I am not asking others to take care of me or pay my bills....
I've never been on welfare, never took anything free.
Maybe it isn't "giving up" but accepting what is on the table.
And if I ever had cancer, I'd KNOW that's my time to go....
DOH!! You've got to stop quoting those one liners twix, it's too irresistable to me!
"I guess my honesty was rather raw, but this is where life has led me".
That's what honesty is twix...raw! As raw as the day we came into this world, and I said too much in my responses as well, but again, who cares! I call it 'wearing ones heart on ones sleeve', unfortunately it's in plain view. Everyone who interacts here could pass each other in the street and would be none the wiser for 'whoever' said 'what' here. It isn't so bad though because as you said..."Life is rather raw". Hey, when I feel crap closing in on me I call it "Life Sucks", and I purposely capitalized Sucks because I think it warrants it, it puts a little more stress on the feeling I have at the time.
"if one has a lot of luck and a great life, they would want to live for a long time".
This one really cracked me up because when I go on about things someone usually quips back, "Well it would be OK if you lived in a perfect world, but you don't, so get over it". It certainly stops me in my tracks.
"I am just tired of struggling".
Yep, that one brings the same response as well. This is from one of my daughters and I got to say she has a way of bringing me down a peg or two and making me see the reality of things.
"I think alot of people take for granted what they have".
THIS is the one that cuts to the bone. THIS is the one liner of yours that really hits the mark for me, and probably for many others as well...GUILTY AS CHARGED! This is the one that makes me sit back on my backside and take stock of myself, what have I got... not a lot, what I have achieved...not a great deal, what do I want out of life...bit late to worry about that now so I don't waste my time going there, am I happy with my lot...well I gave life my best shot and that's all I can do, what can I do about it...not much I guess, am I really that badly off?...that last one gets me thinking then. I look around me and realise that, hey, my life isn't that bad I suppose, by comparison to some others!
I could go on but I think you should be getting the gist of where I could go. I got debts but stuff it, if they aren't cleared up before I go, then I won't be in a position to care after I'm gone, they will be someone elses problem, not mine. I decided a while ago, probably around that choking episode, that if it's beyond my control then so be it, I now only worry about the things I believe I can control.
And please...pretty please, stop with those one liners, or I am going to have to learn a new language as I find them too irresistable. :-) I better learn some self control I think.
Someone once said, "Don't tell me how it should be, tell me how it really is!"
That is so true. I am as guilty as others of talking about how things should be, rather than how they are!!
Of course it is self-centered. Taking care or not taking care of oneself is self-centered.
But not always a negative thing.
How do I have a responsibility to society to take care of my health?
I am not asking others to take care of me or pay my bills....
I've never been on welfare, never took anything free.
Maybe it isn't "giving up" but accepting what is on the table.
And if I ever had cancer, I'd KNOW that's my time to go....
My comment about having a responsibility to society concerns not knowing what the future holds for any of us. Supposing you stroke and end up in a Nursing Home, or you end up in ICU and die? Then there will be bills and "someone" will end up paying them.
Both my hubby and I have worked hard our whole lives and never taken a handout from anyone, nor have we ever been on welfare. I've been dirt poor as a child and again as an adult but have been lucky enough to work my way out of some serious debt. If something should happen and I can't care for myself I don't want to be a burden to society either; but I figure that doing what I can to care for myself will provide as much independence for as long as possible.
Giving up is one thing; accepting things as they are is another. Giving up is defeatist and similar to wallowing in self-pity. Accepting the fact that you have a chronic disease that isn't curable (as the title of this thread implies) doesn't mean being passive and waiting for death. To accept the fact that you have an incurable condition gives you the emotional energy to do what's necessary to move on to the next step of your life.
Tell you what twix, I can see that there are some very open and honest people around you here who really understand where you are coming from and from what I can see you could not wish for better dialog on facts and falacies of personal life. We have all been, are still going, or will be going through sometime in the future, the exact same crap stuff the is affecting you. I'm referring to 'in principal' here, not necessarily EXACTLY as you are.
What you have here is material more genuine, practical and real than ANY doctor, head shrinker, or anyone else you can think of, will be able to give you. Of course not all have hit the nail exactly on the head, but by hell most have. I would have never considered bearing my soul in a medium such as this forum but, luckily for you, the people who have responded have inputted valuable information to ponder over. Nobody should feel, or made to feel, as if they are an island. Because you have drawn such genuine reponses I believe I would not be so frightened in the future to ask for help here if needed. I know from personal experience that we all need to talk to someone but I believe professional people are not the ones as they are just watching the clock for the end of the appointment.
If it were me in your shoes right now, I would be printing this thread, or post, or whatever it's called, and putting it between covers and putting it on my shelf for future reference as it's better than any doctor or text book, [my opinion].
I am only new to these forum things, but I can't believe how people can be so genuinely interested in SERIOUSLY trying to help others, and this appears to be coming from the heart as well, not just writing for the sake of writing.
When we had our first kid, many years ago, I said to my other half that everyone should be given a marriage guidance councillor when they are first married, a child physchologist when they have their first kid, and now I am considerably older, a phsychiatrist for the reasons you are giving. (spelling I know but who cares).
At the end of the day we are only left with that simple old addage which is....Oh, yeah, "life's a *****, and then you die".
My comment about having a responsibility to society concerns not knowing what the future holds for any of us. Supposing you stroke and end up in a Nursing Home, or you end up in ICU and die? Then there will be bills and "someone" will end up paying them.
Both my hubby and I have worked hard our whole lives and never taken a handout from anyone, nor have we ever been on welfare. I've been dirt poor as a child and again as an adult but have been lucky enough to work my way out of some serious debt. If something should happen and I can't care for myself I don't want to be a burden to society either; but I figure that doing what I can to care for myself will provide as much independence for as long as possible.
Giving up is one thing; accepting things as they are is another. Giving up is defeatist and similar to wallowing in self-pity. Accepting the fact that you have a chronic disease that isn't curable (as the title of this thread implies) doesn't mean being passive and waiting for death. To accept the fact that you have an incurable condition gives you the emotional energy to do what's necessary to move on to the next step of your life.
Gee, if you have such a problem with this...what about all the mooching leeches that never work and suck dry the social services we have? I certainly have not been one of them. And good for you, that you and your husband have had steady employment. I have never taken a hand out or been on welfare either.
I am an educated person, and I am not wallowing in self pity. Because I don't agree with the whole growing old thingy doesn't make me defeatist. I am recognizing life for what it really is.
Tell you what twix, I can see that there are some very open and honest people around you here who really understand where you are coming from and from what I can see you could not wish for better dialog on facts and falacies of personal life. We have all been, are still going, or will be going through sometime in the future, the exact same crap stuff the is affecting you. I'm referring to 'in principal' here, not necessarily EXACTLY as you are.
What you have here is material more genuine, practical and real than ANY doctor, head shrinker, or anyone else you can think of, will be able to give you. Of course not all have hit the nail exactly on the head, but by hell most have. I would have never considered bearing my soul in a medium such as this forum but, luckily for you, the people who have responded have inputted valuable information to ponder over. Nobody should feel, or made to feel, as if they are an island. Because you have drawn such genuine reponses I believe I would not be so frightened in the future to ask for help here if needed. I know from personal experience that we all need to talk to someone but I believe professional people are not the ones as they are just watching the clock for the end of the appointment.
If it were me in your shoes right now, I would be printing this thread, or post, or whatever it's called, and putting it between covers and putting it on my shelf for future reference as it's better than any doctor or text book, [my opinion].
I am only new to these forum things, but I can't believe how people can be so genuinely interested in SERIOUSLY trying to help others, and this appears to be coming from the heart as well, not just writing for the sake of writing.
When we had our first kid, many years ago, I said to my other half that everyone should be given a marriage guidance councillor when they are first married, a child physchologist when they have their first kid, and now I am considerably older, a phsychiatrist for the reasons you are giving. (spelling I know but who cares).
At the end of the day we are only left with that simple old addage which is....Oh, yeah, "life's a *****, and then you die".
Ino,
The misunderstood thing is...I wasn't really asking for advice. I guess I was talking, discussing, who knows. I think a lot had good things to say, even the ones I disagree with.
I have become a harsh person, because life has been harsh to me. Who do you know who asks every question, looks under every stone, gets every duck in order, moves and they give my job away in a month???
I look around, and most women my age seem to have it easy. They are planning vacations and wallpaper and going to spas. I don't know how they do it, but they have nice homes.
That's not what I want, but the point is...they aren't struggling to just pay the bills. They have jobs in fields that are in demand. Mine was in demand, but in 2 years...in TWO years, it went down. Some of the places here are even laying off. When I have called about jobs Ive applied for, I am told hundreds of resumes were sent in.
So I am looking for any kind of job. I can take my 2 degrees and go work at Burger King.
I look around, and most women my age seem to have it easy. They are planning vacations and wallpaper and going to spas. I don't know how they do it, but they have nice homes.
That's not what I want, but the point is...they aren't struggling to just pay the bills. They have jobs in fields that are in demand. Mine was in demand, but in 2 years...in TWO years, it went down. Some of the places here are even laying off. When I have called about jobs Ive applied for, I am told hundreds of resumes were sent in.
So I am looking for any kind of job. I can take my 2 degrees and go work at Burger King.
I've discovered that it's usually never good to compare myself to others.
...mainly because I'm so far above them...
That being said, for what it's worth I have a couple of sheepskins myself, and up until the last 10 years or so I was happily self-employed in my field.
Now? I had to buy a cleaning company to make ends meet, because where I live isn't exactly conducive to my specialty. But I'm stuck here for a few more years...
But you know what? That stupid old saying about life and making lemonade...it actually seems true. If I sat back and just accepted what my life has become I'd go crazy (some might say it's already happened). So I roll with the punches, flow with the tide and all those other cozy homilies. Makes life at least bearable, if not happy-happy-joy-joy. But I'm never understood by the lucky ones , whose lives have been served up on silver platters.
The misunderstood thing is...I wasn't really asking for advice. I guess I was talking, discussing, who knows. I think a lot had good things to say, even the ones I disagree with.
I have become a harsh person, because life has been harsh to me. Who do you know who asks every question, looks under every stone, gets every duck in order, moves and they give my job away in a month???
I look around, and most women my age seem to have it easy. They are planning vacations and wallpaper and going to spas. I don't know how they do it, but they have nice homes.
That's not what I want, but the point is...they aren't struggling to just pay the bills. They have jobs in fields that are in demand. Mine was in demand, but in 2 years...in TWO years, it went down. Some of the places here are even laying off. When I have called about jobs Ive applied for, I am told hundreds of resumes were sent in.
So I am looking for any kind of job. I can take my 2 degrees and go work at Burger King.
I'm not doing advice either, I agree with you, I'm taking as well, which is great, but have to say...SNAP...!!! with most of what you have said, and welcome to the real world. What, you think I don't watch every light switch to see they are in the 'off' position to save on the bills??
Coincidently I must live in the same world you live in. Statistically, the way you and I live FAR outway the richies and the well to do's, or haven't you noticed that. So be it, I am destined to be a battler so what the heck, I'm in a rather large club aren't I?
Who wants to be rich anyway. I'll tell you something for nothing, (1)you most certainly have a better diet than they do, (2)you have a better grasp on reality than they do! Read the papers, watch the tv, and see how many of these 'richies' actually have a brain in their heads, between the ears of most there is nothing but a vaccuum, and how many are karking it WAY younger than us....and finally, how many get the privelage, (spelling again), of talking to NORMAL people as you and I are?
I had to make a decision a couple of years ago about giving work up, (due to circumstances I won't go into here), how do you think I felt then, knowing that I would probably never get another job for the rest of my life because of my age, and I have'nt got any 'pieces of paper' from a uni or some other '2 day course' that is being given out to kids who don't know $hit about the jobs I have been doing all my working life. How many jobs do you reckon I have been made redundant from? That's life, welcome to the world of today! Where do you reckon I got my attitude from, I would grab life and strangle it to death if I could.
Any future plans I had for a future went out the window a few years ago. We are members of a similar club.
Nup, I'd rather stay poor and struggle, and fight the crap life throws at me thanks.........what other choices do I have? THIS IS THE LIFE FOR ME YEAH!
I've discovered that it's usually never good to compare myself to others.
...mainly because I'm so far above them...
That being said, for what it's worth I have a couple of sheepskins myself, and up until the last 10 years or so I was happily self-employed in my field.
Now? I had to buy a cleaning company to make ends meet, because where I live isn't exactly conducive to my specialty. But I'm stuck here for a few more years...
But you know what? That stupid old saying about life and making lemonade...it actually seems true. If I sat back and just accepted what my life has become I'd go crazy (some might say it's already happened). So I roll with the punches, flow with the tide and all those other cozy homilies. Makes life at least bearable, if not happy-happy-joy-joy. But I'm never understood by the lucky ones , whose lives have been served up on silver platters.
Cest la vie.
I understand...you are lucky you could buy a business though...
But you sound like a survivor and are smart.
Yes, I get to where I feel like had I not tried hard, or was a lazy-ass, then I could blame myself. I tried many things, a real risk taker. I had friends who said they couldn't have done the things I have done...but heck, where did all of this get me?
But you understand what I am saying...some don't who have lives of butter, and their biggest problem is what kind of deck furniture to purchase.
I'm not doing advice either, I agree with you, I'm taking as well, which is great, but have to say...SNAP...!!! with most of what you have said, and welcome to the real world. What, you think I don't watch every light switch to see they are in the 'off' position to save on the bills??
Coincidently I must live in the same world you live in. Statistically, the way you and I live FAR outway the richies and the well to do's, or haven't you noticed that. So be it, I am destined to be a battler so what the heck, I'm in a rather large club aren't I?
Who wants to be rich anyway. I'll tell you something for nothing, (1)you most certainly have a better diet than they do, (2)you have a better grasp on reality than they do! Read the papers, watch the tv, and see how many of these 'richies' actually have a brain in their heads, between the ears of most there is nothing but a vaccuum, and how many are karking it WAY younger than us....and finally, how many get the privelage, (spelling again), of talking to NORMAL people as you and I are?
I had to make a decision a couple of years ago about giving work up, (due to circumstances I won't go into here), how do you think I felt then, knowing that I would probably never get another job for the rest of my life because of my age, and I have'nt got any 'pieces of paper' from a uni or some other '2 day course' that is being given out to kids who don't know $hit about the jobs I have been doing all my working life. How many jobs do you reckon I have been made redundant from? That's life, welcome to the world of today! Where do you reckon I got my attitude from, I would grab life and strangle it to death if I could.
Any future plans I had for a future went out the window a few years ago. We are members of a similar club.
Nup, I'd rather stay poor and struggle, and fight the crap life throws at me thanks.........what other choices do I have? THIS IS THE LIFE FOR ME YEAH!
You are exactly right, and that is why I keep playing the Lotto. The odds of winning are subatomic, probably quarkishly small.
But if I did win, it would solve all my problems. I have no desire to be a status symbol seeker, just pay off the bills, buy a telescope, rescue abused animals in China, and maybe have a home. You get the drift...a life of sanity.
All of the pain we have been through has done something for us...I see it now, it made us who we are. I would far more trust someone like yourself than someone who has always had it easy (some of our politicians come to mind there...)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
