three kids: big change from two?? (Houston: renting, daycare, how much)

[houston-nomad]

Not the usual C-D thread, but I'm trying to get my head around the idea of a third kid, which my dear spouse has just expressed a desire for. I'm trying to figure out if this will ruin us financially. I'm thinking, bigger car, possibly a bigger house, cost of schools/camps/sports... anyone here make the jump from two to three? Any thoughts?

[plaidfrogg]

Logisitically, I've been told by friends with 3+ that the shift from two-to-three is much easier than the shift from one-to-two, finances and home size notwithstanding.

Will be interesting to see the feedback here since we're pretty sure we're done (with 2) but occasionally consider adding a 3rd.

[chris_ut]

You must be a glutton for punishment.

[LostInHouston]

Well, just went from 3 to 4... we had meant to be done at 3, but, well, things happen. It was tough going from 2 to 3, especially with not having any family within 1200 miles. The financial burden is obviously significant, but since we already had plenty of clothes/toys/baby stuff from the first two, it wasn't as big of a hit as it was for the first two. The bigger thing is the time commitment... since the first two are now of school age, they have tons of things to do during the week... sports, sleepovers, birthday parties... it's hard to work that in with your own commitments to your career, wife or husband, or any personal activities you may be doing. Your personal time (which is probably low already with 2 children) will pretty much drop to zero. I think my wife and I have been on a single date in the past 3 years... and I don't anticipate another for 5 or so years when or oldest is old enough to stay home with her siblings. Of course your situation may be a bit different depending on how much help/family you have in the area.

In the end would I rather have only 2 kids? Not a chance.

[Txgal33]

Our friends went from two to three and they love it. Looking for bigger house but they were doing that in the base case. They get sitters so time together is not an issue. They always have something going on though which would drive me batty since they both work. Always on the go and somebody is always sick. They love it though! Said the third is so easy going!
Sometimes I think I want a third but then a kid gets sick or acts really rotten and I think no I am done. A little girl would be nice.

[descovy]

We did the jump from 2-3 in 2004... quite a surprise After the shock wore off we saw it would be extra work...

My husband, who worked for city of Houston, panicked and got a job in the private sector (because of the cost of 3rd kid) It did pay more, until they laid hom off when baby 3 was 4months old!!... Fast forward, my husband now has his "dream job" in the private sector, and does make more money that he could have at the city... so all ended well. But the sheer panic of a 3rd kid coming caused him to leave his very secure but lower paying job to begin with.

Our 1500 sq ft home shrunk before our eyes. We ended up shuffling all 3 kids into one room, and using the other bedroom for toys... those toys will over-run the house! In 2007 we bought a new house 2700 sq ft.

I cried the day we traded our spunky, fun to drive lil car in for a minivan I hated how "mommy-fied I felt, down to the vehicle I drive. We still have the van, but also own a prius (small compact car) and can now put all 3 in the back (yeah!) No more carseats!

That 1st year was crazy hard. nevermind the layoff, but with my oldest being 4, 2... all were too young for school, too young to help. We also don't have family near to help. Sitters are crazy expensive! We didn't get out for date nights until this fall (baby 3 is in Kindergarten and can go to Wed night kid-church with her sisters!... date night!) I did get a job at a preschool (because of layoff) but could never afforded to have a "corporate job" and pay for all 3 to be in full-time daycare!

Today, they are 10, 8, (almost 6!) all go to school, and it is easy. They are helpful, and get along (pretty well) They are all girls!!! Which brings its own joys and challenges.

They are all expensive tho'! Want to go to summer camp? That's $300 per girl! ($900 total!) Flying to visit family in WA is $300/pp... oh and as a family of 5, we can't sit together. We have had legs of our trips when a child or 2 had to sit a few rows away. We make it one of the older 2... give them a video game, headphone, book, snack, and strict rules to SHUSH!

School tee shirts... $15/ea ($45) dance class $60/mo ($180/mo) yearbooks, popcorn days, etc., etc.,

We do have to pick and choose more, because there are 3 of them. We can't afford the time and money for them to do it all. For example, every girl is in girl scouts, and can pick 1 after school activity, no more. Girl Scouts is cheap, but takes time each is in a different troop. Dance/Gym is not cheap, but many other kids take 2-3 classes (ballet + jazz, or gym+tumbling) even if they were free, I can only afford the "time" for one.

So yes, it is a big leap... no more booth's at restaurants (most tables are 4 tops) our dining room table is bigger at home... as a family of 5, we need an 8 seater in case company (2 people) come over. Yes, things get bigger and more expenive from the 2-3 mark. But not impossible!

[descovy]

Other things... "family packs" are all built for (4) and having a family of 5 changes things...

Take out at a favorite italian restaurant (serves 4)

Disney World... forget the cheaper (Pop) hotels... have to get a deluxe. Many hotel rooms only sleep 4 (due to fire codes)

Kid eat free nights? Usually per adult meal. So 2 adults... only 2 kids eat free, still paying for #3

As mentioned earlier... furniture is built for 4, 6, or 8+. A family of 4 can get away with a small table (4 seater) and maybe extend to a six seater for guests. Once you are a family of 5, you want a 6-8seater table... more money... but larger space in the home required too!

Forget having a guest room in the house (if every child wants their own room) ... 5 br houses are hard to come by. We have a 4br house, when guests come, there is a hide-a-bed in the gameroom, or shuffling a guest into one of the kids' rooms. The old 3br home, that 4 of us comfortably lived in? Forgettaboutit!

And if I can emphasize TIME! You may have all the $$$ you need for camp, sports, etc... But how will you get all 3 kids to those activities? 2 kids want to go to camp same week different locations? How do you get them there? Dance/Gym, I currently do Monday nights... pick them up from school, and don't get home until 8pm. Two of the classes overlap... so as I drop off one, it is time to pick up the next.

3 kids... all in scouts (every other week), and dance (every week) and church wed night (every other week...aka date night) Looks like this...

Sunday #1 has scouts
Monday #1,2,3 all have gym or dance
Tuesday #2 has scouts
Wednesday #1,2,3 have church... mom & dad have dinner out!
Thurs (FREE!)
Friday #3 has Scouts
Saturday (one is probably invited to a birthday party...)

Gosh, if we let one take piano lessons, or a second dance/gym class (which is common) or anything else... even if it were free... do you see where the TIME is tight to squeeze it in?

[houston-nomad]

Thanks for all these details... it is very helpful. It is so nice to think about a third baby, but the realities of the day to day might be more than I'm willing to take on.

[TexasCatherine]

I agree with many of the comments here. Our third child was born when the first two were only 2 and 3 yrs old so the early days were challenging and exhausting. But quite honestly, there was never a challenge so great (financially or otherwise) that we wondered if perhaps we should have stopped at two. Yes, there were changes we had to deal with: like Descovy, the "fun" car was replaced with the requisite minivan, date nights were put on hold (due to exhaustion more than finances), and we suddenly found ourselves chin deep in the world of scouting, sports, dance lessons, etc. It was a real juggling act with three children.

Fast forward to today. These same children are now 16, 15, and 13. The physical exhaustion of raising little ones has been replaced with the mental/emotional exhaustion of raising teenagers. The relatively low cost of paying for kids' lessons/camps/activities has been replaced with the looming cost of sending three to college and buying "first cars". So... knowing what I know now, would I still choose to have a family of five rather than a family of four? In a heartbeat.

[*~Kim~*]

I think that going from 1-2 was much harder than 2-3. We have 3 girls (6, 4 and 16 months) and just love it! I know that as they get older, it will get more expensive, but it's not like as soon as you have baby #3 you're paying tons more all of a sudden. Since we have all girls, we were able to hand down clothes, toys, bedding, etc. So besides having to buy diapers again (I breastfed, so we didn't have to buy formula, but that can be expensive!), it wasn't too bad. We don't have any family close that can babysit, but we make it work. It is getting a little trickier since our oldest is in Kindergarten now and Girl Scouts, so there are different things she always needs to go to, but it's really not bad. We are currently renting a 900 sq ft apt and it is a little tight (and will only get tighter as the girls get bigger) but we are still managing. We are saving for a house and will hopefully be out of here in 4 yrs. I drive a minivan and I love it.
There will never be a perfect time to have a child (or another child). You will never have enough money or enough space, but you always have enough love and you will be able to make it work