Did I move to the wrong town? (Boston, Cambridge: neighborhoods, to buy)

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by SCHOOLSEEKERMA

A friend of mine who knew a friend in Wellesley area put me in contact with her to help me with area, schools, and to have an "instant friend" (my research was mostly internet based, including this Forum). Her friend and I have children the same age and I thought it would be great. I asked for a school recommendation for my 4 year old son and she recommended me a preschool. Than I asked if it was the same preschool that her child was in (so my son would have a "friend") and she said no... her children and her friends children go to a jewish school in town... hum... I get it... it is her religion... but I felt a fish out of the water...

It's a preschool. Who cares. I certainly don't remember who were my pre school friends, I doubt many people do. People all blend together in middle school, high school, etc. Just my opinion, but you're worrying about nothing of consequence.

[SCHOOLSEEKERMA]

Originally Posted by timberline742

It's a preschool. Who cares. I certainly don't remember who were my pre school friends, I doubt many people do. People all blend together in middle school, high school, etc. Just my opinion, but you're worrying about nothing of consequence.

Thank you for your opinion Timberline. You might be right. Moving it is stressful and I might be micromanaging everything.

[Bruins3445]

Give it more time. People here aren't as welcoming and come across as cliquey. It's just a facade though- They're nice once you get to know them. I feel like you have to pass a test, so-to-speak. Once you're proven to not be a weirdo and nice enough, they warm up to you . All kidding aside, if you can afford to live there stick it out because your kids are young. Sign them up for some activities (karate, dance, soccer) and get chummy with the parents. It's hard at first but eventually you won't feel like an outsider. It has nothing to do with race or religion.

This article enlightened me:

Boston

[pikabike]

Originally Posted by SCHOOLSEEKERMA

Thank you Pikabike. Yes, we moved from out of State. Where people would come to welcome you knowing you are new in town I suppose I am in trouble!

That's what I thought! Give it some time, and just be yourself. If you end up wanting to move again, at least you didn't buy a house there.

I grew up in MA. The first time I visited TX I was blown away by how friendly people were to strangers. This kind of stuff varies all over the US.

[SCHOOLSEEKERMA]

Thank you Bruins and Pikabike.
It is a great article. Perhaps I should give a try and don't take it personally. I need to get used to the "MA way". The school system is amazing and the Indian food in town too! We are just missing friends.. I am sure it might come with time

[in_newengland]

I think you'll find friends but it will take time. Try to find people who share the same interests as you do. Maybe try to find friends in neighboring towns too.

But I will say that I can understand what you mean as I grew up in MA in a Wellesley-type town. I was friends with the Jewish kids at school but their parents wouldn't allow them to be friends with me outside of school. Also, their parents wouldn't allow me to go to their community center when the kids invited me. But my sister has a life long best friend from that town who is Jewish. Some families are more open minded than others. Don't give up!

[G-fused]

I've lived here for 6 years and personally, I don't think it's nearly as friendly of a place as most others. I'm in Brookline and I'm Jewish so check that box. There have been people we met that were friendly and we did become friends but it's not as easy as other areas. I'm lucky to get eye contact from someone when I'm out walking around. Heaven forbid I say hi to someone in my neighborhood - freaks them out. I don't know, just been my experience and I'm a very approachable guy.

Again, there are exceptions but they are...exceptions.

We made more friends when our kid got older and started going to school and we met other parents. SOme of it was driven by our kid though - he liked someone, they wanted a play date and became friends so we then became friends with their parents. I'd say that out of the people we call friends, about 80% of them happened because of our kid in one way or another.

Edit: Oh, I also made a couple friends through my sporting activity of choice and my wife did through a hobby of hers.

[tysmith95]

I grew up in Andover and I was friends with Jewish and Asian kids. Parents never had any issue with having friends outside of their religion/race. The great thing about kids, especially young ones, is that they haven't formed prejudices yet and see all people as equal.

[pikabike]

Originally Posted by Bruins3445

Give it more time. People here aren't as welcoming and come across as cliquey. It's just a facade though- They're nice once you get to know them. I feel like you have to pass a test, so-to-speak. Once you're proven to not be a weirdo and nice enough, they warm up to you . All kidding aside, if you can afford to live there stick it out because your kids are young. Sign them up for some activities (karate, dance, soccer) and get chummy with the parents. It's hard at first but eventually you won't feel like an outsider. It has nothing to do with race or religion.

This article enlightened me:

Boston

Great article! I laughed at the reference to "column of hot dirty air" in the subway and the "redemptive" climb up the subway stairs. So, so accurate in a way that actually makes me miss those things. m

The writer's attitude is the right one to adapt to that kind of culture, too. It's not the kind of place where some stranger will hold your hand when you don't need it. But they're aware of things around them and ready to act if sht happens.

And OP, since you love Indian food, that is a plus. A lot of people make comments about disliking the aromas of Indian food in houses and motels. Perhaps that makes some Indian people reluctant to invite non-Indians to their homes?

[porterhouse]

Whoa, a lot of sweeping generalizations in your comments. No town is perfect, there are pros and cons everywhere. It's going to take time and a lot of effort to integrate and make friends where ever you live. Give it a chance and your full effort. With school age kids I have found that you will invariably befriend their friends families. People naturally gravitate toward what is common. In Cambridge certain expat groups do stick rather tightly. Have you tried to make friends in Lex and been rebuffed? If so, yes, may not be the right place for you. However then you are looking at somewhere a bit less diverse.

Wellesley heavy Jewish? That's news to me. The schools in Hingham are better than OK from what I understand. The 'concerned with girls being cheerleaders comment' is not only off base judging from our friends who live there, it is also quite obnoxious. You are going to find that most towns with better schools are very sports centric though.

When looking at towns I told my wife to go to the grocery store and park and see what she thought of the people, as those would be her friends. The towns with the best schools are generally going to be snobbier. It's a tough balance to strike. Financial homogeny can be just as troublesome as ethnic homogeny. Again, nowhere is perfect. You need to find what is perfect for you.

Originally Posted by tysmith95

The great thing about kids, espically young ones, is that they haven't formed prejudices yet and see all people as equal.

Well said.