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I think the OP is correct, I think this all boils down to jealousy. Just don't talk about your life to them outside of work, and maybe things will calm down.
One of the reasons I hate tax time.
Get this,when you are single and overweight,well it isn't great at all.
Some things I have heard
Why are you dressed like that?
As if being single means I'm supposed to dress in expensive clothes.
I'm happy shopping at Wallyworld thank you.
Then next question REALLY bothered me.
"Why are you fatt if you don't have any kids?" Also they say"I didn't get fat until I had kids".
Maybe because I just am?
Some also like to imply that every single woman needs a man.
Then proceed to hook you up with bum #1 and bum number 2.
The thing is th super friendly at the beginning but after that the hating started...
i was married btw for 8 years and marriage is just not for me. They cannot believe I dont like to cook, that I go out a lot and that I dont have to cook dinner every night after work. I am relieved to read I am not the only one with this issue, I will just ignore them because IMO is just jealousy.
How do they know these details about your private life? Is someone spying on you?
I am the only single, childless woman at work, and those women HATE me. And arent afraid to say it.
How do you deal with that? We are close knit and talk about our lifes and some of them just basically either envy my freedom and disposable income or just plain hate me.
Any advice woudl be appreciated.
Quit taking to them about your personal life. Work is work....keep your personal life separate. People share too much information w/ co-workers. If you need friends, find them elsewhere.
Im in a somewhat similar situation in that Im gay and work with a mix of very conservative/christian folks. They're good people, just that they wouldnt be cool with LGBT folks.
So I just keep the conversation work related and keep an ear out for turns of converstation and tune out when the discussion moves to to social or political issues, too. It is sort of possible to talk in generalities about, say, a movie you saw, TV shows, (pop culture stuff) or maybe stuff like taking long bike rides, hikes, and travel to say a museum or a different city...
So just avoid the private/personal life stuff as much as possible.
Depending on the culture of the job, conversing about personal things can be a means of "getting along" or "being part of a team". Saying things like that's personal and so forth can get you ostracized quickly.
Working in a catty office can be a nightmare. I worked in an office with much older women and when I picked up on the computer system a lot faster than they had when starting, it was bad news. I actually had to have pretend mistakes to make these women feel better since it was becoming a hostile work environment for me. I later left the job.
This type of behavior is a lot more common than people think. My own MIL was actually asked to retire early because she was such a problem at her work. She doesnt like young attractive women. Its her own insecurity and bitchyness. Management couldnt figure out why great candidates were leaving the company shortly after being hired. Then one girl was bold enough to say exactly why, then the pattern became obvious.
Depending on the culture of the job, conversing about personal things can be a means of "getting along" or "being part of a team". Saying things like that's personal and so forth can get you ostracized quickly.
I agree, that's why I like Dayton Sux's approach of talking in general about movies, hobbies, tv shows. If you talk about things like that, you'll be seen as "social" enough to be part of the team and getting along, but won't reveal things they can use against you.
In fact, it's an approach I'd recommend for any job. Also, ask people questions about themselves and let them talk. You may have to listen to stuff you'd rather not, but it does help keep people from asking questions about you. Sample conversation between Jane and Ann
Ann: So what did you do this weekend?
Jane: Well I saw [name of movie], caught up on some DVR episodes of [tv show] and went out to take some photos to learn more about photography. How about you, did you go shopping for your kids gifts like you mentioned you thought you might?
Ann: Yes I did, [details on shopping]
Jane has managed to be social without revealing anything about her personal life beyond some interests in movies, tv shows and photography.
I agree, that's why I like Dayton Sux's approach of talking in general about movies, hobbies, tv shows. If you talk about things like that, you'll be seen as "social" enough to be part of the team and getting along, but won't reveal things they can use against you.
In fact, it's an approach I'd recommend for any job. Also, ask people questions about themselves and let them talk. You may have to listen to stuff you'd rather not, but it does help keep people from asking questions about you. Sample conversation between Jane and Ann
Ann: So what did you do this weekend?
Jane: Well I saw [name of movie], caught up on some DVR episodes of [tv show] and went out to take some photos to learn more about photography. How about you, did you go shopping for your kids gifts like you mentioned you thought you might?
Ann: Yes I did, [details on shopping]
Jane has managed to be social without revealing anything about her personal life beyond some interests in movies, tv shows and photography.
Interesting thread. I just stumbled onto this from the "active threads" menu. I have to say I'm really quite relieved (and disturbed) that this is so common, I was really thinking it was a personal issue.
I am a 26 year old male and live in a part of the country where people marry young--VERY young--and almost immediately start popping out kids. Even in a fairly young office (average age here is 30) nearly everyone is married with a child. In at least 2 of my coworkers eyes I am pretty much a freak for being single. On a somewhat related note, I took a lot of heat from some coworkers earlier this year for, of all things, deciding to pass on buying a house. It was essentially a reaction of "why don't you just settle down and buy a house like everyone else does!" My coworkers viewed me as irresponsible and immature for not wanting a mortgage much in the same way they view someone without a wife/husband or kids. They also viewed this immaturity as somehow affecting my job performance in the future. Never mind that what I did with my finances and personal life was absolutely none of their business.
I don't think it is so much jealously as it is busybody coworkers just using another metric to size you up. They just cannot fathom someone doing something different from their bland, white-bread lives. I agree with the other posters to make small talk without getting too personal.
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I later left the job.
