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I don't agree with you at all. Unless there has been physical or sexual abuse then I think the OP should always at least remain in contact with their parents. Sometimes when you're not getting your way you think that means your parents are treating you bad, and based off of the little info we have on the OP I think this is the case. If the OP could go into more detail of why we should beleive that these parents are so bad then I might change my statement depending on how horrible the situation is or isn't. The OP has the right to move away at anytime regardless, but to completely cut off your parents is a serious matter that you don't just take action on based on some outside opinions of people who don't know the whole story.
The OP doesn't need to justify how much abuse is 'enough' to anyone. Different people have different thresholds, both of what they can tolerate and what they can forgive. There's no litmus test for toxic people, and you as an individual aren't capable of judging how much damage must be done to another person before they can escape it.
My family isn't abusive, they're just bad people. They've done nothing to assist my mother as her health declines...instead they've left it all on me. I make polite contact with them whenever absolutely required for her sake. When she passes, I will end all contact...NOT because they are abusive, but because life is short and I prefer to spend my time with good people. If I wouldn't be friends with my family members, than I see no reason to keep contact 'just because' we share some DNA.
Personal pain is personal pain, and to some of us, genetic relationships mean substantially less. I think "I don't like that person' is a perfectly adequate reason to cut ties. The OP may find in the future that they come to think on things differently or they may find the ability to forgive even the most grievous harm, but even this won't make their pain now less real.
It is almost impossible to have family respect you when you are financially dependent on them. With that said, try perhaps to maintain a level of limited contact, where actual boundaries are drawn with your family. Then if that still does not drive the point you still have the option to cut them off in he future.
You didn't pick your family and you shouldn't be forced to keep contact forever, especially once you reach the age that you can live your own life; so it's completely your choice. If the reasons are there, no one else can judge what you should be able to deal with. People basically don't change, they may change small things but the basic character remains.
When you're of legal age at eighteen you can do as you please, where you please. You don't need anyone's permission. Least of all, people on an internet forum. Yes, people do cut off all ties with their families and just move far, far away.
If you're gay and they can't accept it, then just move out and get on with your life when you can.
If it's physical and especially if sexual abuse, yes, do move as soon as you can.
If you're still in your teens and they simply won't let you do as you please or are on your case about this,that and whatever, then simply putting some distance between you and them may do the trick. Distance and time often works wonders for strained relationships between older teens and families.
By the way, it's normal for people to move out and move away when they get into the work world. Job opportunities may take you thousands of miles away. This is expected. No one says you have to live in the same town or in the same house with family.
If these are the most toxic people to you it may be emotionally healthy for you to be far, far away, But I would give at least physical address where you are. Can even be a post office box. No phone number, no email addy where they can harass you, definitely no Facebook access, but just something where they know where you are and you can be contacted in case they want to notify you of a death, etc.
You should do what you want to do; it's your life. They say you live to regret the things you don't do more than the things you do and I think that's true. When I was young I wanted to go off to California and start a life, go to UCLA, etc., but I didn't. I love where I live, but I never planned to/wanted to stay in the same area I was born and raised my whole life. I wasn't especially trying to distance myself from my family, but I do remember feeling like I wanted to get away from everybody and everything and figure out who *I* was and begin my own adventure.
Just make your plan and do what you want to do. You can always change your mind later if you want to, but if you don't at least try it, you'll regret it. And you said once you have a career set up, so it's not like you are running off with nowhere to go and no way to support yourself. Just start quietly working now toward making it happen when the time is right.
Um...they also fed him, clothed him, and provided him shelters for YEARS. That cost money and effort, you know.
Reading this made me so angry but I don't want to derail the thread so no comment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind
You don't need anyone's permission. Least of all, people on an internet forum. Yes, people do cut off all ties with their families and just move far, far away.
but just something where they know where you are and you can be contacted in case they want to notify you of a death, etc.
I'm 23yrs old, I had to drop out of college 2 and half years ago because of them. I don't need anyone's permission and that's not what I asked. I asked if "anyone has done this". I only wanted to know if anyone has done it to see if they have any regrets or if one of the family members hunts them down. I already made my decision long time ago that I will be leaving them for good. I do not care if they die, I wouldn't be attending the funeral. I been sucidal last 2yrs because of them and I plan on moving on with my life. Even though I live with them I help them with their business and I work part time so I pay for my own food and gas. I'm trying to find a full time job and move out ASAP.
if you want to leave you should. make a plan and save all the money you can to help you settle in your new place. I would for sure tell them you are leaving, at least in a note or something. it would be cruel to let them wonder where you are if you were a victim of a crime or worse. they may be dysfunctional and not great parents but that doesn't mean they deseerve to wonder if you are alive or dead for the rest of their lives. that is indeed a terrible thing to do to them even if you don't love them.
OP, it would really be easier for me, for US to understand if you gave a lot more detail. At least sum of the parts.
But as the OP said, they aren't asking if they SHOULD leave, merely if others have already done the same. There's no need for the OP to reveal any details at all, especially details they don't feel comfortable sharing with strangers. Details would only be relevant if the OP were interested in opinions on if leaving is justified, which they have stated most emphatically they are NOT interested in.
Um...they also fed him, clothed him, and provided him shelters for YEARS. That cost money and effort, you know.
That was their duty as parents.
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