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Being an introvert all my life, this sounds familiar. I typically want people just to leave me alone and not look at me so I scowl most of the time in public and older I get, the more I don't give a rats ass what people think about me anyway.
I am introverted but I try to start convos sometimes with co workers. I then realize my co workers are almost more introverted than I am. They tend to cling to people they have known longer at work than the new people. They gossip more and can be quite rude at times. I always smile and if you do your job and make notes of your accomplishments then it should work out. People who are not introverted tend to talk about themselves more ( like we always care) and when you start sharing about yourself the convo goes down hill. I'm secluded from my co workers because I'm closest to the front of the office and most people stop by my desk because they are bored/talk about themselves or to ask a question about work. I don't have time to socialize much so I may come off as rude. People hate what they don't know or think they know. Being nice is the best policy even if they are douche bags. Still stand up for yourself if needed. The sad thing is that I feel I'm becoming like them because if you are a douche then I would rather not speak to you at all only when I'm bored and need social interaction. It's hard not to talk to people in my small office. Its hard for me to not say high when you are in my face unlike other people I work with who do it with no problem.
I feel like I'm reading about myself. Honestly, I don't even really like people so I don't care what they think about me. I'm shy and quiet and recharge my batteries by being by myself. I have friends who accept me for who I am as an introvert and don't try to push me outside of my comfort zone. If you have friends and are functioning in society, why do you care if your coworkers like you or not? It isn't a rule that you have to be friends with people you work with...
Pretty sure this is a classic aspergers case. Take DMG it is a treatment for autism which will help. You'll need like 500mg + daily... I recommend country life brand that's what I take.
Most normal people operate socially on just being normal. Exactly the same idea how introverts can easily get along with each other. The difference being normal people are socially inclined and introverts aren't. It's a downward spiral socially for introverts and the opposite for normal people.
I'm sure you meant no harm but please do not use the word normal to describe non-introverts. And also, you probably don't want to be prescribing medicine for a perfectly healthy personality type over the internet.
Op, there is nothing wrong with you! You are an introvert living in a extrovert world! Since it is having an impact on your job, you may have to step out of your comfort zone a little.
Spend some time researching your personality type. Introverts are not always shy, nor socially awkward or rude. Although, one could perceive it that way if they didn't know better. Introverts basically get their energy drained in groups, and enjoy alone time. Most introverts are self-confident people who don't need other people around all the time to feel like they have a purpose, nor are they hermits.
There are a lot more introverts out there than one might think!
Being an introvert all my life, this sounds familiar. I typically want people just to leave me alone and not look at me so I scowl most of the time in public and older I get, the more I don't give a rats ass what people think about me anyway.
I feel the same way as well. I have always been introverted and I have a sarcastic dry sense of humor as well so people often tell me when they first met me, they thought I was a d!ck head and didn't like them.
They were mostly right, I am sometimes and to be honest I don't like people in my ear wanting to talk about what so and so said or what someone posted on facebook or any of that other social drama stupidity that seems to entertain so called "normal" people. I own a couple of businesses and usually have a lot going on in my mind and I really don't care to sit around and chit chat. Some people have also commented how they think I don't like them because rather than go have lunch with them, I often prefer to have lunch alone so I can shut my mind off for a half hour and not have to listen to someone yapping about their problems.
I personally think some of those people who have the need for everyone to like them and have this thing about wanting to socialize with everyone have more of a problem than me. They are the ones that sit around thinking and worrying about it while I on the other hand couldn't care less whether they like me or not.
I am pretty much exactly like you, OP.
I’ve gotten multiple comments about people thinking I didn’t like them or people just being put off because I wasn’t as chatty or open as them. I have very few close friends and I’m super outgoing and talkative with them. But with other people it’s very different. A few of my husband’s friends are really talkative and always the center of attention. At first that made me not like them because it seemed like everything was always about them and in general they were just louder and more forceful. I don’t tend to like people with that personality type. A couple of them would also make a comment to me about how quiet and shy I was. Yeah, thanks for stating the obvious and making me feel bad about it. That makes me much more likely to open up to you in the future. :/
But yes, I get it. I’m also an only child and sometimes I wonder if that is part of the reason I’m so reserved.
When I was reading all the comments on this thread, most would fit me exactly. I'm not a people person at all, I'm shy and quiet and give off that "weird vibe" that some of you were talking about.
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g I didn’t like them or people just being put off because I wasn’t as chatty or open as them.
This happened to me also, about two weeks ago. This co-worker would come up to me and talk, but I wouldn't say much back and I would keep on working. He got the vibe that I didn't like him at all, but in fact I didn't mind him at all but I find work isn't really my place of socializing. I stopped him after the shift ended to tell him that I'm just not a social person at work, but I did like him as a person and considered him a friend. He referred to it as being a "mute", which was pretty true but he understood. I've always been a really quiet person at work but some how people grow attached to me, and I honestly don't know how it happens. Maybe it's my work ethic or how hard I work, I'm still confused on it. Yesterday I went out to eat with one of my co-workers which I never do, but they were nice enough to ask so I got out of my comfort zone and just went - and I had a good time.. Although they were shy themselves so it was sort of a mutual dinner.
If people bug me enough though, I'm not afraid to speak up and tell them. I don't let people run over me because I'm shy and quiet, but some try and they see the opposite side of me when they try to do that. I'm more of a laid back personality, where I have a lot of patience with people but I still give off the weird vibe even if I'm interested in what they're saying. I think winter is easier on introverts because it's usually too cold to go outside and do anything, so I guess we "fit in" to an extroverted society. I don't like crowds, loud / hyper people, or when I'm at work - lazy people. Like some other introverts, I don't have too many friends but the ones I do have are chosen carefully. I prefer to choose the calm, non-dramatic people over any "extrovert".
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I’m also an only child and sometimes I wonder if that is part of the reason I’m so reserved.
I'm the last child of three, so I don't think that'd be a reason. I think once we develop into teenagers and adults, we tend to really start to stick to our ways and once somebody does that, it's hard to change. I'm trying to be more out-going and a better people person, but I'm finding out that it's not an overnight change. Who knows if I'll ever accomplish it.
Also it's impossible for me to look someone else into their eyes, I just cannot do it. I try and try and try but I always end up looking away.
Also it's impossible for me to look someone else into their eyes, I just cannot do it. I try and try and try but I always end up looking away.
That's probably a big reason you make people feel uncomfortable. They assume the reason has to do with how you feel about them personally. They don't realize that it has nothing to do with them.
I score on the far reaches of myers briggs for introversion. I think I'm the happiest I've ever been since I now live by myself except for the furbabies, and don't ever have to listen to people who feel like they are in outer space. With a room full of people I'll be the one sitting on the side, watching. A friend of mine and I talked about this, he's a 'watcher' too, and before I approach a group I *have* to scope it out, and if it looks like there is nothing there for me I'll pass.
I've worked as a programmer twice. The first time we worked by ourselves. Things were rather loosely organized and we had cubies. It was still too many people but a great many of them perfered their desk to anything except maybe the lunchroom empty for coffee. I did well there. The second time we had 'teams' and endless meetings and too many people around. I decorated my space with some art that made me feel good, and my boss didn't like it. I wasn't enough of a 'team player'.
Too bad you have to be a team player to get anywhere so many places since I solidly flunk at that. I had problems with depression and was supposed to go to the county 'center' to 'socialize'. They had a ceramics lab but I only went there three times since the helper had to help you. Last thing I made wasn't our of a mold and no helper was needed. I'd bring a book and clearly ignore everyone, or my large crochet project and take over a couch in a very clear message that I didn't really want to be there.
After having to jump through hoops due to the county agenda, I was done with that.
My mom was like me and we'd sit in her room at night and listen to a station that broadcast of raido shows, or each read, not say a word to each other.
I've done the 'being shy' bit in school as a kid. I always felt like I was the one standing looking in, and if it was the village I'd be the one who lived out past who watched for them. It took me a while to realize that largely I was simply not interested in most people. I had some really good friends who were oddballs like me in one year of high school, the best of all of them. I did the 'business' thing, and did well with the one job, dismal with the other. We ended up having a home business when I was married. But I have places that feel like home, like science fiction fandom and cons and clubs, and the one thing I miss here is the lack of that, (that I know of). I'm very social there, but still will steal up to the highest floor of the hotel with a view of the lobby at a hotel and take time for myself.
But now, after having to deal with county 'rules' I just don't play anymore. Like me, don't like me, I really don't care. I'd rather not be where you think I'm not being friendly anyway.
I have learned to smile, listen attentively, repeat what people say for "clarification," at work. They seem to need that. I paste a smile on my face when I'm in meetings, look at people, nod.
But... the pastor of my church just left an hour or so ago, and he was pretty grumpy about my quietness. Said I needed to talk more, join more, blah, blah, blah. I told him the only thing I could of, that "I guess you need to ask God why He made me like I am. I'm pretty cool with me."
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so I may come off as rude. People hate what they don't know or think they know. Being nice is the best policy even if they are douche bags. Still stand up for yourself if needed. The sad thing is that I feel I'm becoming like them because if you are a douche then I would rather not speak to you at all only when I'm bored and need social interaction. It's hard not to talk to people in my small office. Its hard for me to not say high when you are in my face unlike other people I work with who do it with no problem.
