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I'm actually really curious about this and I've actually given up. But every single guy friend I've had always seems to want to be more. I've seen quite a few girls who have guy friends but whenever I make one, they become very invested in me and begin to want to hang out and often imply romance and a relationship.
I don't think there's anything wrong with hanging out, but it's that hanging out always seems to become something more than that. They want to pay for me, they want to drive me there, they want to do x,y,z so it becomes more like a subtle date. The moment I let them know I'm not attracted, however, the "friendship" usually comes to an end.
Anyone know why this is? Why can't I have guy friends?
I don't think most men value women socially as much more than someone they can have sex with eventually.
Other men can be brothers they would die for or whatever, but women are somehow not interesting enough or at their level enough to be anything but sexual objects.
I think this is changing a little over time.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
I don't think most men value women socially as much more than someone they can have sex with eventually.
Other men can be brothers they would die for or whatever, but women are somehow not interesting enough or at their level enough to be anything but sexual objects.
I think this is changing a little over time.
I don't think that post reflects bitterness...often truth. Many men do simply see women as a source of sexual interest. Especially when they (the men) are young. And with the older ones, a lot of 'em will still look, and think it, but then not go after it because they think they are too old/unattractive, or because they are married, or just because their hormones have settled down. A guy in his 40's can be easier to carry on a friendship with...but I also know that I've had to listen to my husband assess the attractiveness or lack therof of every one of our female friends and acquaintances, and every female he sees on TV, etc. It's annoying. But I annoy him right back, so whatever.
That's another thing...being "taken" makes it easier. Now granted, if a guy, especially a young guy, and especially one with no great sense of honor, finds you hot enough he might not care that you're taken.
But...then again, it's also entirely possible that me being friends with older guys and me being a married woman (and all of 'em know it) has nothing to do with anything, and it's just that I'm 34 and not as hot as I was at 18, so guys don't want a piece of that action no more. But that kind of defies the notion that ALL guys want from women is sex, because I still have a number of dudes happy enough to hang out and have conversations and call me a friend. Honestly, I'm happy about that. All my younger life I had a hard time, 'cause I was into nerdy intellectual things, not shoes and purses and boy bands and whatever it is chicks are supposed to like. So by the numbers, most people who shared my interests were male. I wanted to be friends. But things always got stupid and dramatic once the whole question of romance started sneaking in. Even getting it out of the way and throwing down in bed didn't clear the air, because those FWB situations always wound up with somebody getting all mushy and attached while the other really just wanted to be friends! Drama, drama, drama. Hate it!
So even if I'm really just not hot anymore, I'm happy in my situation. Hope you get there one day, OP.
(EDIT: Happy, that is. Not old and fugly. LOL)
I'm actually really curious about this and I've actually given up. But every single guy friend I've had always seems to want to be more. I've seen quite a few girls who have guy friends but whenever I make one, they become very invested in me and begin to want to hang out and often imply romance and a relationship.
I don't think there's anything wrong with hanging out, but it's that hanging out always seems to become something more than that. They want to pay for me, they want to drive me there, they want to do x,y,z so it becomes more like a subtle date. The moment I let them know I'm not attracted, however, the "friendship" usually comes to an end.
Anyone know why this is? Why can't I have guy friends?
Most hetero "guy friends" are at least thinking about it if you're half-way attractive. Maybe your lady friends are just better at managing expectations with their guy friends than you are?
What? Variety of different guys? Like five or six?
I'm sorry I know far too many good guys who are my friends to believe what you posted is true.
*sigh*
Many, many guys.
Mechanics, doctors, waiters, scientists, teachers, economists, etc.
And like I said, I think this is changing more and more with the next generation.
I do have good male friends. It's been different once we are all.married and anything more is off the table.
But I have always had guy friends since childhood bc I have more common interests I share with men.
Most hetero "guy friends" are at least thinking about it if you're half-way attractive. Maybe your lady friends are just better at managing expectations with their guy friends than you are?
Yeah probably. My friend had definitely told me about the various guys she befriended who are or have been attracted to her over time. I think because she values friendship so much she just kept things platonic by reminding them over and over what they were etc.
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