Would I truly be considered a gold-digger or superficial? (attractiveness, meeting, aging)
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This is hard to admit, but I want to get some opinions here. So I am a female college student in my early-mid 20's, and recently joined a few "sugar daddy" dating sites as well as millionaire match. Basically the sites connect older, "wealthy" or established men with young, attractive women. Not saying I look like a model by any means but have been told I am "very pretty" on many occasions, am very slim and keep active, am relatively well-traveled, AND am comfortable in many social settings and a good listener.. Meanwhile, a lot of the men that have been messaging me(only met 1, scum of the earth) are significantly overweight, bald or balding, old (as in some could be my grandfather) yet seem to expect a physically intimate relationship often on the first meet (which ive specified in my profile that i NEVER DO) without offering me anything monetarily or material wise besides MAYBE a dinner at (hang on to your hats) Subway. Don’t get me wrong, I like a five dollar foot long as much as the next person but I was hoping for something a little classier…Quiznos perhaps, lol. Is it just me or does anyone else find this strange for a first meeting? Also, I know this post makes me sound like an escort which is not my intention at all, BUT, the point of the particular site I joined called "seeking arrangement", is that companionship (depending where that leads) in exchange for a monthly allowance or gifts (shopping, travel, fine dining,etc). I told a few male-friends about this and they said I'm turning in to a 'gold digger' and one even lead to a falling out(hopefully just temporary) because he thinks I'm superficial.
So to sum it up, and I know im going to get tons of crap for this, but needless to say if an overweight, physically undesirable older man wants the company, companionship and perhaps physical component of a relationship with an attractive young woman, am I not being fair in expecting something in return either in the form of gifts (nice shopping trips, vacation,etc) or some type of allowance (could happily be a college tuition bill, a couple text books, WHATEVER). My thoughts are if an older unattractive man(often married btw) wants access to a younger woman and is demanding of her time and often her body, she should be getting something out of it too since I am doing him a FAVOR. Now if the guy is physically attractive and we both are 'in to each other' different story.
Honestly What are your thoughts?
well, as a woman, i am a little conflicted about this, but i DO admire you for coming right out and saying "this is what i want". because believe me, alot of women who regularly slog it out on their own, change their own tires, and generally have to be the man in the relationship feel the same way, even if only for an occasional flicker of a moment.
who doesn't want life to be easier? who wouldn't want more money? who wouldn't want to be charmed and feted and given gifts and a monthly allowance for nothing other than looking pretty?
but, i would advise you (and yes i am almost 40 so hopefully i have learned something here and there) that if you want those things, go and get em yourself.
its easy to forget that there is a dark side to all this. the most obvious one is that you are not putting any emphasis on love. and love is KINDA important. believe me, if you don't have any feelings for someone, and you are exchanging your charms for money, love is rarely gonna just come naturally in that scenario. that may be fine with you. but remember, there isn't much difference in that and in being an escort.
which, honestly, i don't have a problem with on a moral level. what makes me sick about those situations is that it does YOU great harm.
first of all, the idea that you can't get things like this yourself is obviously so ingrained in you that you are seeking out these kinds of opportunities. so, that's a problem that won't go away on its own. and it will definitely become a greater problem as you get older. its self esteem, or the lack thereof.
second: to me, a situation like that robs you of your humanity drop by drop. you begin to look at men as money machines, and yourself as the girl who has to constantly figure out how to stay on top of your game and your marketability. much like strippers and hookers have to. you become a cardboard cutout of a person, just trying to get something, and constantly in fear of what you will do when your marketable assets start dropping. literally.
as much as these guys may be unattractive to you, (which i totally get), dumbing down your humanity like that just to wear better shoes is a patently bad idea in the long term. people don't do these things if they believe in themselves. it doesn't make you a whole person and if you aren't a whole person, its gonna splinter you into even smaller pieces. not in any dramatic way, but slowly, inexorably.
remember what happened to betty broderick? i would read up on her if i were you. she didn't marry for money, but she put her husband through medical school, he started a thriving practice while she raises their children and dreams of the day that she will be wearing big diamond rings and all this garbage, and he DUMPS her for the secretary, and goes nuts and kills em. this is a woman who lived through her man. he held the pursestrings. and whoever holds the pursestrings has some of your dignity, unfortunately.
why don't YOU go back to school? start your own business? its not the fifties anymore. you can do anything you want and then some. its SO easy to go back to school. i am doing it. its never too late. NEVER, EVER, EVER let someone control you like that. you will ALWAYS. get dropped on your azz. that's just the way it works. stay in the shallow end of the pool and you aren't gonna have any depth in your life.
one last thing- i read recently about a known psychological phenomenon that a psychologist pinpointed recently, and its a certain kind of malaise that comes from having whatever you want, whenever you want. you see it in kids who grow up rich all the time. when you can get whatever you want all the time, nothing is really enjoyable. nothing has a real taste. it isn't earned, it means nothing. this happens, and it can happen to anyone.
If you want wealth and security and success - it can be achieved with the right mate. If there is no team effort and no united front it will be two steps forward and one step back. You will struggle...Find a guy who has energy and a dream...work together and dig your own gold together. Expecting to have your life laid out for you through the wealth of another is not just gold digging it is also superficial and dishonest - no matter how good looking you are - unless you have no shame and being a trophy wife is acceptable.
Don’t get me wrong, I like a five dollar foot long as much as the next person but I was hoping for something a little classier...
Anyone can get a five dollar foot long on their own. If you're looking for something a little classier, well then...you have to have some class yourself.
Stop watching Pretty Woman, it's a fairy tale movie just like Cinderella and Snow White. Regardless of how many have told you that you are pretty and how pretty you think you are, unless you bring something of intrinsic value (love, kindness, compassion) to the table you will only be used as the commodity you present yourself to be.
You asked and you have several pages of thread here so read them carefully, take it for what it's worth, and becoime the true woman you were meant to be.
Thanks - experience is the best teacher. The worst situation I saw of superficial gold digging was my younger brothers mate. He is not a rich guy but a hard working guy with a steady income. I remember his wife saying something as she stood by a construction sight..My brother was building a house for the family...She stood there and uttered "Marriage is to see what one person can get from the other" - - - Well things went from bad to worse with this person. She caused so many problems through disloyalty that my brother lost the house - lost his two kids for a period - took a law suit to get them back...and SHE - manipulated for a profit..
THEN after things cooled down....The family was reunited and she decided that there was still a profit to be had through my brother...Things drifted along for the next few years. My brother supported her and their two young sons....Then this superficial lying gold digger did not have to dig anymore...Her father passed away and left her a couple of million...So she did not need the little gold mine anymore...She had her own gold..The woman simply got up and left abandoning the family. Now my brother struggles raising two teenage sons on his own..and the gold digger lives in another city with a new guy...and does not have a care in the world.
Never thought of her as a gold digger - looking back it is not about the amount - some people find a mate and ride them like a beast of burden..and do not lift a finger to help.
Thanks - experience is the best teacher. The worst situation I saw of superficial gold digging was my younger brothers mate. He is not a rich guy but a hard working guy with a steady income. I remember his wife saying something as she stood by a construction sight..My brother was building a house for the family...She stood there and uttered "Marriage is to see what one person can get from the other" - - - Well things went from bad to worse with this person. She caused so many problems through disloyalty that my brother lost the house - lost his two kids for a period - took a law suit to get them back...and SHE - manipulated for a profit..
THEN after things cooled down....The family was reunited and she decided that there was still a profit to be had through my brother...Things drifted along for the next few years. My brother supported her and their two young sons....Then this superficial lying gold digger did not have to dig anymore...Her father passed away and left her a couple of million...So she did not need the little gold mine anymore...She had her own gold..The woman simply got up and left abandoning the family. Now my brother struggles raising two teenage sons on his own..and the gold digger lives in another city with a new guy...and does not have a care in the world.
Never thought of her as a gold digger - looking back it is not about the amount - some people find a mate and ride them like a beast of burden..and do not lift a finger to help.
Your brother was equally at fault. EQUAL. It takes two to tango and he picked her. And had not one, but two kids with her. He gets half the blame for half the mess.
I think it's pretty clear that anyone looking for an "arrangement" involving "companionship" for money knows exactly what is going on. If the OP doesn't, she's extremely naïve or stupid. Stating that you don't have sex on the first date is irrelevant. "Companionship" in this context clearly equals sex. To think otherwise is like believing that "escorts" are just nice-looking people you hire to accompany you to a fancy party you need to attend. People have to "encode" stuff like that to avoid being arrested for prostitution or soliciting a prostitute. They just substitute "companionship" for "sex" and "escort" for "hooker."
I would say that no matter what the OP's sex is.
If a woman chooses to get involved in trading her "companionship" for money and gifts, sure, she can go ahead and do so. But just don't act all appalled and indignant when these old guys want (gasp!) sex, or want to treat you to a dinner commensurate with your value as a decent person.
Exactly. I don't need to add anything to your post.
Putting a label on something and calling it was it is, does not make it better. Sugar Daddy's may date you. buy you some baubles, and bed you, but if you are thinking of marriage - don't. Not with these men.
There are also many men who look and act "well off" who really are not. Another reader alluded to "fifty thousand dollar millionaires" that is so true.
There are are men who drive expensive cars and have good credit. They can look like "millionaires" - if you think all people who drive an expensive imported car are "rich".
And if you think that, stay in college a little longer, honey.
This has been an interesting thread reminded me of the, 'I'm In Love With My Escort' thread in a way....
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunWild I've been at this awhile and am a bit past that. After my first time. You bet! It was surreal, overwhelming! But it was also so much more normal and natural than I ever expected it could be. The women who do this are absolutely amazing. They love men. They love sex. They show genuine tenderness. And they are incredibly giving. They are simply amazing.
My response:
[Are you somehow running an internet campaign to encourage more 'sugar daddy seeking' college girls? It came to mind because there was news report within past few weeks about the number of college age women participating in such 'arrangements' to pay for college.
BTW, my recollection from psychological studies is that the vast majority of women who engage in voluntary prostitution due so because they DISLIKE men. They compartmentalize and desensitize real 'mutual connection' with a fal$e p$uedo de$ire to get ahead by giving it.
Interested to hear what she says if you asked her to quit and become your dedicated squeeze sans monetary payment high 'rental rates'. LOL
Some threads have such great entertainment value....]
deepwater88 your post at #51 says it all. You received a lot of good feedback - do you want to become the type of person of qualities you say you despise? Or do you want to transcend that and make something better for yourself and your future? (whatever that may be)
Honestly, you are going to have a very unhappy life. But you know that, you're already having it. Your self-image is so screwed up that I don't even know where to begin. Yes, you are acting as a prostitute, that's obvious, but that's not even important. You're wasting your time, wasting your body, wasting your spirit, and in ten minutes you will be pushing 40 and wondering where it all went wrong. Of course you need to stop dealing hooch, but more importantly you need to figure out why you are drawn to the behavior in the first place. And that is going to require a shrink. Maybe an older balding shrink who will trade professional wisdom for access to your "physical treasures".
OP, if you hate men, then why demean yourself for them? You are talking about materialistic stuff.
It's just stuff which is not an indicator of a person. Why not take pride in yourself by achieving
something completely on your own?
Imagine if you get everything and all you want soon, what then? That too becomes boring very quickly.
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