Would I truly be considered a gold-digger or superficial? (girlfriend, bitterness, wives)
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I'd like to hear from the OP...has she digested all the things that have been offered here? Please, OP, don't run away. The discussion is still open...I think people want to know what else is going on in your head...at least, I do.
Yep still here, taking it all in. So many thoughts racing through my mind, a lot of harsh but honest comments here so I respect everyones opinion regardless. For the record, I DELETED (not deactivated) permanently deleted my account on that site after thinking about what some of you said. Between all the fakes, undesirables and the fact I could be putting myself in a dangerous situation and would be used nonetheless, I COULD do better. To answer one persons question(not that its really relevant)...I was originally asking for an "allowance" I chose between 1000-3000 a month. And yea, I guess I was naive thinking some chump would pay me to be his arm candy.
As what truly lead me to attempt this, After some deep soul searching I came to two solid conclusions-
1. I hate men and want to "get back at them" because my father (lazy scum) didnt work for nearly a decade despite holding a phd and mooched off my mom 100%. Never bought her any nice gifts, NO vacation in years prior to their divorce, and than began cheating on her while she was working a double shift (to support his sorry a**. So I'm determined to be the EXACT OPPOSITE of my mom and instead bleed them dry and yes, i have no shame in mooching off a man. Also, I feel they objectify us women and 99% just see us as sex objects and make derogatory remarks "i'd hit that" with their 'buddies'. So many guys ive dated in years past or even formed 'friendships' with I found out were just trying to get in my pants. So this was only half material gain but ill admit I literally wanted to milk these men dry. I figured hey they use us women for our bodies and see us as an object well I can see them as a (temporary) meal ticket.
2. I do want to live a nicer lifestyle. I'm a college student and as one poster pointed out I am guilty as charged in wanting a more glamorous lifestyle. Admittedly the allowance I was seeking was on the lower end(depending upon how many times we'd "meet") but 1-3k could definitely upgrade my current lifestyle a bit. The whole discount store shopping, crappy student housing with shared bathroom gets old and I readily admit I wanted to live better. Not necessarily extravagantly, but nicer.
But I'm on hiatus from seeking arrangement, im going to continue with my thoughts and dont think ill be joining again but instead keep working toward my degree(and my ft retail job) and in the meantime stay on the prowl for a more attractive established man (doesnt have to be wealthy, but comfortable and able to provide). So if some still want to call me a gold digger after that, so be it. I make no apologies.
Thanks for all the responses-very insightful. and I enjoyed reading them. Keep em coming if you like!
Last edited by deepwater88; 06-21-2013 at 08:52 AM..
Yep still here, taking it all in. So many thoughts racing through my mind, a lot of harsh but honest comments here so I respect everyones opinion regardless. For the record, I DELETED (not deactivated) permanently deleted my account on that site after thinking about what some of you said. Between all the fakes, undesirables and the fact I could be putting myself in a dangerous situation and would be used nonetheless, I COULD do better. To answer one persons question(not that its really relevant)...I was originally asking for an "allowance" I chose between 1000-3000 a month. And yea, I guess I was naive thinking some chump would pay me to be his arm candy.
As what truly lead me to attempt this, After some deep soul searching I came to two solid conclusions-
1. I hate men and want to "get back at them" because my father (lazy scum) didnt work for nearly a decade despite holding a phd and mooched off my mom 100%. Never bought her any nice gifts, NO vacation in years prior to their divorce, and than began cheating on her while she was working a double shift (to support his sorry a**. So I'm determined to be the EXACT OPPOSITE of my mom and instead bleed them dry and yes, i have no shame in mooching off a man. Also, I feel they objectify us women and 99% just see us as sex objects and make derogatory remarks "i'd hit that" with their 'buddies'. So many guys ive dated in years past or even formed 'friendships' with I found out were just trying to get in my pants. So this was only half material gain but ill admit I literally wanted to milk these men dry. I figured hey they use us women for our bodies and see us as an object well I can see them as a (temporary) meal ticket.
2. I do want to live a nicer lifestyle. I'm a college student and as one poster pointed out I am guilty as charged in wanting a more glamorous lifestyle. Admittedly the allowance I was seeking was on the lower end(depending upon how many times we'd "meet") but 1-3k could definitely upgrade my current lifestyle a bit. The whole discount store shopping, crappy student housing with shared bathroom gets old and I admit I readily admit I wanted to live better. Not nesecarily extravagantly, but nicer.
But I'm on hiatus from seeking arrangement, im going to continue with my thoughts and dont think ill be joining again but instead keep working toward my degree(and my ft retail job) and in the meantime stay on the prowl for a more attractive established man (doesnt have to be wealthy, but comfortable and able to provide). So if some still want to call me a gold digger after that, so be it. I make no apologies.
Thanks for all the responses-very insightful. and I enjoyed reading them. Keep em coming if you like!
There is nothing wrong in aspiring to a comfortable lifestyle, but any goal made for the purpose of revenge will do far more to ruin your life than the intended victims. Move on, finish school and make your own way in life, beholden to no man. Then you can hopefully have a happy relationship down the road based on equal footing.
OP, I'm gonna answer your base question which is should some undesirable man have to pony up to be with a young hottie..... just at very base level I'm picking you what your throwing down.
I think you should stand back and reread what you wrote and do an honest assessment.
Is that the way you want to live your life.
I'm not getting all religious and preachy or even judging you morally.
I'm just asking.... do you want to make it on your own, be your own person, or do you want to be purchased?????
So, instead of becoming your mom and NOT letting a man mooch off her - you want to become a female version of your dad, who you obviously have no respect for? Are you sure you want to do that?
There is another alternative - being single and financially independent - then possibly meeting a like partner. The key words there are financially independent and partner. Why wouldn't you strive towards that, instead?
Discount shopping, for now, is a much better way to go than selling yourself and short-circuiting your self-esteem.
Curious about your major - is it something that can give you financial security - like engineering, etc.?
You are either a gold digger or a prostitute with high end clients, depending. Neither one bothers me as long as you both know that you are using each other for your own gain.
Deepwater, I get what you're saying. I think it's important to work through your feelings about your mom and dad. Trust me on this...you don't want it dictating your every move in life. And I really hope you find a way, maybe with added help, to not hate men. Your dad messed you up...now it's time to figure out how to move past it.
I remember being in college and so freaking poor. Wondering what I'd eat that day...how I'd pay all my bills...how I'd make it through. I saw other girls' solutions...my old roommate had become an escort. When she started bringing them back to our apartment and I found men's underwear in MY BED, I kicked her out. Then I worried about rent. She had struggled with abuse as a younger child so her vision was skewed about how she dealt with men, too. Sure, she made money, but I don't think she was happy.
Somehow, someway, I made it. You will, too. Sometimes when I look back at those days, I wonder how on earth I did make it, but here I am today to tell you that you'll work it out. My stepmom would tell you to set goals...give yourself a time frame and take steps toward that goal...that even includes finding a worthy mate. I think Kathryn Aragon's advice was spot on...she knew what she wanted from her own life and then put similar standards on a future mate...sounds like it happened with a basic structure but took off organically...mutually satisfying...I hope that for you, OP.
Sure, I can understand (not agree with, but understand) the drive for "revenge" on men, but why take out this revenge by putting yourself in a position where you're DEPENDENT on them, while you're milking them dry?
To my way of thinking, it would be better to be self-sufficient, making a good living on your own, and then do what you need to do to get revenge on the male gender. Milk them dry, whatever. But if you're in a position of NEEDING these men for your livelihood, then you're vulnerable to them, and that sounds like the opposite of where you want to be (powerful over them).
Again, I'm not saying I agree with or condone your revenge plans, but just pointing out where you're not being consistent with what you say you believe.
Sure, I can understand (not agree with, but understand) the drive for "revenge" on men, but why take out this revenge by putting yourself in a position where you're DEPENDENT on them, while you're milking them dry?
To my way of thinking, it would be better to be self-sufficient, making a good living on your own, and then do what you need to do to get revenge on the male gender. Milk them dry, whatever. But if you're in a position of NEEDING these men for your livelihood, then you're vulnerable to them, and that sounds like the opposite of where you want to be (powerful over them).
Again, I'm not saying I agree with or condone your revenge plans, but just pointing out where you're not being consistent with what you say you believe.
I haven't read the whole thread, but "revenge" plans plans sound sort of psychotic, if you ask me......
Her revenge plans are laid out at the top of this page, post #51. I agree with your assessment, but I wanted to point out that it doesn't make much sense to get revenge on guys by becoming totally dependent on them. It's like "I'll show you!!! I'll give you total financial power over me! Ha! So there!"
So, instead of becoming your mom and NOT letting a man mooch off her - you want to become a female version of your dad, who you obviously have no respect for? Are you sure you want to do that?
^This^
You really need to give these 2 questions a ton of thought. There are some deep seated issues you need to work through before you seek a relationship of ANY KIND. Have you considered talking with a councelor? Someone unbiased that can help you arrange and manage some of the issues you have regarding men and relationships?
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devil's advocate here....
