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I would talk to him. A great friend is a treasure; it would be a shame to downgrade the relationship unnecessarily.
I'd say something like, 'I may have completely got the wrong idea here, in which case I'm going to be embarrassed as heck, but is it possible you are thinking we should be more than friends?' This way of phrasing it should make it easy for him to admit, if there is anything to admit.
If he says yes, then tell him you are not interested in that ever under any circs, and ask him how things are going with his wife. Often when men have trouble in a relationship, their first solution (after ignoring their feelings doesn't work) is to look for sexual solace elsewhere, rather than addressing the actual issue. You can steer him towards counseling instead .
I am really good friends with a coworker of mine who is male that I've known for 5 years. He hangs out with me and my two female friends at break and lunch. He fits in better with the girls and doesn't hang with the guys much because he is more of the sensitive fatherly type than the sports manly 'where is my sandwich' type that I work with. He puts everyone ahead of himself and is a selfless giver that would do anything for anyone. He is married with a family and he always said how happy he is with his situation. I am also happy with my significant other.
Didn't you start a thread about your misgivings with this same guy back in February?
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He told me he doesn't have many quality friends and I am the best. But, I feel like within the last few months he is more flirty friendly toward me than the others. Other people have noticed and they make comments all the time about how he pays very close attention to making sure I am comfortable and happy. He finds excuses to bring me snacks, touch my feet & hair, and wait on me.
I am really good friends with a coworker of mine who is male that I've known for 5 years. He hangs out with me and my two female friends at break and lunch. He fits in better with the girls and doesn't hang with the guys much because he is more of the sensitive fatherly type than the sports manly 'where is my sandwich' type that I work with. He puts everyone ahead of himself and is a selfless giver that would do anything for anyone. He is married with a family and he always said how happy he is with his situation. I am also happy with my significant other.
I have always considered him a friend, like a BEST girlfriend. We do click really well and can finish each others sentences without even thinking. We text a lot and talk/vent about everything like good friends do. We sometimes have lunch together (alone and with others). We sometimes have a crude sense of humor that could be taken as bad by an outsider but that is our humor in my girls group. I said one day 'You were probably my brother in another life' because we are crazily similar and think the same in terms of almost everything.
He laughed & agreed.
He told me he doesn't have many quality friends and I am the best. But, I feel like within the last few months he is more flirty friendly toward me than the others. Other people have noticed and they make comments all the time about how he pays very close attention to making sure I am comfortable and happy. He finds excuses to bring me snacks, touch my feet & hair, and wait on me.
He has started teaching me tennis a few days a week because I've been wanting to learn for our work game on the weekend and he had lessons all his life. He has been very helpful, but it also seems like he likes to get behind me and find a reason to touch me while showing me to hit the ball. I assume this is 1) part of the lesson 2) him just being a guy with an excuse for him to get closer.
Is it just friendly entertainment of attention/tension or do you think I have trouble on my hands? He is such a good friend but people have me wondering
I think it is very easy to go over the line when a guy and woman are really close freinds like you two are. Do you happen to know if he is having any problems at home with with wife etc.? I ask because that would be the first reason I could see a guy starting to let his feelings get away with him.
I have always considered him a friend, like a BEST girlfriend.
See, guys? When a woman puts you in the dreaded friend zone, this is how she thinks of you...like a "BEST girlfriend." Let this be a lesson to all men to be ASSERTIVE from the get go so you never end up in the friend zone as a "BEST girlfriend"...LOL!
I am really good friends with a coworker of mine who is male that I've known for 5 years. He hangs out with me and my two female friends at break and lunch. He fits in better with the girls and doesn't hang with the guys much because he is more of the sensitive fatherly type than the sports manly 'where is my sandwich' type that I work with. He puts everyone ahead of himself and is a selfless giver that would do anything for anyone. He is married with a family and he always said how happy he is with his situation. I am also happy with my significant other.
I have always considered him a friend, like a BEST girlfriend. We do click really well and can finish each others sentences without even thinking. We text a lot and talk/vent about everything like good friends do. We sometimes have lunch together (alone and with others). We sometimes have a crude sense of humor that could be taken as bad by an outsider but that is our humor in my girls group. I said one day 'You were probably my brother in another life' because we are crazily similar and think the same in terms of almost everything.
He laughed & agreed.
He told me he doesn't have many quality friends and I am the best. But, I feel like within the last few months he is more flirty friendly toward me than the others. Other people have noticed and they make comments all the time about how he pays very close attention to making sure I am comfortable and happy. He finds excuses to bring me snacks, touch my feet & hair, and wait on me.
He has started teaching me tennis a few days a week because I've been wanting to learn for our work game on the weekend and he had lessons all his life. He has been very helpful, but it also seems like he likes to get behind me and find a reason to touch me while showing me to hit the ball. I assume this is 1) part of the lesson 2) him just being a guy with an excuse for him to get closer.
Is it just friendly entertainment of attention/tension or do you think I have trouble on my hands? He is such a good friend but people have me wondering
This sounds like the type of guy who is a "Nice Guy" but in a way that makes him more a doormat and passive than actually nice - these types of people tend to be very indirect and if he has developed feelings for you will tend to never tell you but instead engage in the types of behaviors he is doing, back-handed and passive. He probably does not have a great marriage because this kind of man turns a woman off after a while so she may have lost respect for him and thus physical attraction for him. He is most likely turning his feelings towards you to get validated as a man, he is needy for female affection and sexual attention and rather than work on himself and his marriage just thinks another female will magically make everything better.
I would tell him he may not realize his extra attention and touching are making you feel uncomfortable (he will deny he is doing this) but to please stop if he wants your friendship to continue. Honestly I would cut back on the amount of time you spend on him, he wants more than friendship IMO.
Contrary to what so many others are saying, I do believe it's possible to be close friends with a hetero opposite sex friend. Especially if both are in happy intimate relationships. My co-worker and I are like "brothers from another mother" even though I'm a woman. We honestly act like brother/sister, and have great social interaction with both our spouses involved. I think that is the key, no secrecy. If your friend is not acquainted with your hubby, now is the time for that to occur. He needs to see that you are happy, and for him to become friends with the hubby. Once everybody is friends, it's a lot harder to go over the line and hurt your friends' marriage.
Contrary to what so many others are saying, I do believe it's possible to be close friends with a hetero opposite sex friend. Especially if both are in happy intimate relationships. My co-worker and I are like "brothers from another mother" even though I'm a woman. We honestly act like brother/sister, and have great social interaction with both our spouses involved. I think that is the key, no secrecy. If your friend is not acquainted with your hubby, now is the time for that to occur. He needs to see that you are happy, and for him to become friends with the hubby. Once everybody is friends, it's a lot harder to go over the line and hurt your friends' marriage.
This is the best advice you have OP ... I too have a "brother from another mother"...neither of us would EVER behave like this guy has begun to act with you. However, friends like this are precious and I think getting the four of you together socially is an excellent idea...better than perhaps unnecessarily losing a really dear friend.
I am really good friends with a coworker of mine who is male that I've known for 5 years. He hangs out with me and my two female friends at break and lunch. He fits in better with the girls and doesn't hang with the guys much because he is more of the sensitive fatherly type than the sports manly 'where is my sandwich' type that I work with. He puts everyone ahead of himself and is a selfless giver that would do anything for anyone. He is married with a family and he always said how happy he is with his situation. I am also happy with my significant other.
I have always considered him a friend, like a BEST girlfriend. We do click really well and can finish each others sentences without even thinking. We text a lot and talk/vent about everything like good friends do. We sometimes have lunch together (alone and with others). We sometimes have a crude sense of humor that could be taken as bad by an outsider but that is our humor in my girls group. I said one day 'You were probably my brother in another life' because we are crazily similar and think the same in terms of almost everything.
He laughed & agreed.
He told me he doesn't have many quality friends and I am the best. But, I feel like within the last few months he is more flirty friendly toward me than the others. Other people have noticed and they make comments all the time about how he pays very close attention to making sure I am comfortable and happy. He finds excuses to bring me snacks, touch my feet & hair, and wait on me.
He has started teaching me tennis a few days a week because I've been wanting to learn for our work game on the weekend and he had lessons all his life. He has been very helpful, but it also seems like he likes to get behind me and find a reason to touch me while showing me to hit the ball. I assume this is 1) part of the lesson 2) him just being a guy with an excuse for him to get closer.
Is it just friendly entertainment of attention/tension or do you think I have trouble on my hands? He is such a good friend but people have me wondering
You're inviting trouble. The guy is married, and that should mean something to him. End it.
I have a lot of male friends, some of whom I am VERY close to. They do not touch me except to hug me goodbye. That's all I'm sayin'.
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