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I have a feeling I worded the subject poorly but here's what I mean.
If you go for a meal out with a friend and they say "it's my treat" do you try to keep the cost of your meal roughly in the same ball-park as the friend's meal? Personally, if the friend orders a $10 entree, I will order something that costs about the same, or less. I wouldn't order the $30 entree plus a cocktail if the person paying was just getting the $10 entree and a coffee. I keep the cost of what I'm ordering about the same as what the person who is paying is ordering.
Today I offered to treat three friends to brunch. Nothing fancy, an impromtu cheap diner-type meal at a cheap diner. I ordered a $4.50 plain cheese omelette and just drank water. (Not because I was trying to be thrifty, but because that's what I wanted to eat and drink at the time.) Combined, the other three ordered soft drinks, coffee, a plate of buffalo chicken wings, a meat-lovers omelette, a southern omelette, a hot dog with all the fixings and a plate of cheesy coney fries.
So the bill came to about $33, plus 20 percent tip, so I paid $40.
So, that's fine, I did offer to treat, after all. But for sure, if a friend and peer offers to treat for a meal, I follow their lead, as it were, when it comes to picking something from the menu.
That's how I roll.
Sorry to say, but it sounds like your "friends" took you for a bit of a ride..
If they are insincere, there is no way I am letting them get the tab.
I am eating what I want either way.
But for the sake of argument, what if they were sincere in that they would be happy to buy you a meal just so y'all could hang out for a while. But
But you know there are not filthy rich and could not afford it if you decided to order surf & turf plus several spendy exotic cocktails, while the friend wasn't even ordering a single drink.
I mean, that would be a little weird, don't you think?
I guess when I say I will treat for a meal, it's because it's worth it to me to pay for a meal for all of us so we can hang out, eat some tasty food, and chat about our lives. And I am sincere about that. As I was today.
But if someone decided to take that as an invitation and "order what they liked" and go on to put a $200 bottle of wine, or gargantuan amounts of expensive menu items on the bill while I am having a $10 entree and water, then that is stretching the bounds of the intent of the offer. And extreme example but you get what I mean. And I get what you mean, too. There shouldn't be limits or conditions put on gifts, I get that! But it is a two-way street, all the same.
When we treat others, I make sure we don't order first, because I don't want them to feel they have to order within a price range. But, yes, if we are the ones being treated, I try to keep my entree on the low side.
Um, why are they in a restaurant they can't afford?
I love my friends and have paid for 10 times as many than have ever been bought for me (bc if I love you, I do not care or keep score).
I would not need a meal to have a good time, I don't need to be treated if it hurts someone, and frankly...the point is moot, bc I do not have any friends who would be broken by a $200 meal.
To be completely honest, I would rather they fix me a meal in their home, where we can relax and have a good time with no pressure to turn the table over or wear fancy clothes, etc.
I do not drink and drive, so one or two beers would be my max. Booze is a waste of money when you are out, anyway.
If I said MY TREAT to someone, I hope to god they get what they want and have a good time or the whole thing was pointless.
Um, why are they in a restaurant they can't afford?
Because I offered.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
I love my friends and have paid for 10 times as many than have ever been bought for me (bc if I love you, I do not care or keep score).
I would not need a meal to have a good time, I don't need to be treated if it hurts someone, and frankly...the point is moot, bc I do not have any friends who would be broken by a $200 meal.
To be completely honest, I would rather they fix me a meal in their home, where we can relax and have a good time with no pressure to turn the table over or wear fancy clothes, etc.
I do not drink and drive, so one or two beers would be my max. Booze is a waste of money when you are out, anyway.
If I said MY TREAT to someone, I hope to god they get what they want and have a good time or the whole thing was pointless.
I'm not really "keeping score", honest.
In fact I regard money as just another form of energy or form of give and take in the general fabric of life and relationships. I buy you brunch because I have the money, maybe a month ago you came out and helped me chain-saw a tree that had fallen in my yard. Just different types of energy that one person has to share at a time when the other didn't.
My question was more a general one on etiquette regarding eating out when one person is offering to treat. I personally don't think one person's offer to treat is license for another person's decision to order whatever makes them happy regardless of the treater's ability to pay.
I have several friends for who a $200 restaurant tab would be mostly unatainable, and many times it would be hard for me to justify, too. As I said earlier, few people in my social circle have a ton of disposable income. Perhaps if my circle of friends only consisted of people who could, at any time, drop $200 on an impromptu meal without batting an eyelash, I'd have a different opinion.
As for eating at home, the reason this came about today was because the married couple were planning on doing a small cook-out, but something happened with the wiring in their home yesterday and it being a holiday, they couldn't get an electrician to come out. Most of their food is in my refrigerator, since theirs isn't working due to power to all but two of their outlets is currently toast. And they were concerned about what getting their wiring repaired might cost. So I offered to treat for a meal out and again because of the holiday most restaurants were closed, hence us ending up at the diner.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiroptera
I have a feeling I worded the subject poorly but here's what I mean.
If you go for a meal out with a friend and they say "it's my treat" do you try to keep the cost of your meal roughly in the same ball-park as the friend's meal? Personally, if the friend orders a $10 entree, I will order something that costs about the same, or less. I wouldn't order the $30 entree plus a cocktail if the person paying was just getting the $10 entree and a coffee. I keep the cost of what I'm ordering about the same as what the person who is paying is ordering.
Today I offered to treat three friends to brunch. Nothing fancy, an impromtu cheap diner-type meal at a cheap diner. I ordered a $4.50 plain cheese omelette and just drank water. (Not because I was trying to be thrifty, but because that's what I wanted to eat and drink at the time.) Combined, the other three ordered soft drinks, coffee, a plate of buffalo chicken wings, a meat-lovers omelette, a southern omelette, a hot dog with all the fixings and a plate of cheesy coney fries.
So the bill came to about $33, plus 20 percent tip, so I paid $40.
So, that's fine, I did offer to treat, after all. But for sure, if a friend and peer offers to treat for a meal, I follow their lead, as it were, when it comes to picking something from the menu.
Definitely, I don't want to take total advantage of their generosity. Most are broke early career starters like I am so I'm not going to order a damn lobster dinner just because they said my treat.
I have a feeling I worded the subject poorly but here's what I mean.
If you go for a meal out with a friend and they say "it's my treat" do you try to keep the cost of your meal roughly in the same ball-park as the friend's meal? Personally, if the friend orders a $10 entree, I will order something that costs about the same, or less. I wouldn't order the $30 entree plus a cocktail if the person paying was just getting the $10 entree and a coffee. I keep the cost of what I'm ordering about the same as what the person who is paying is ordering.
Today I offered to treat three friends to brunch. Nothing fancy, an impromtu cheap diner-type meal at a cheap diner. I ordered a $4.50 plain cheese omelette and just drank water. (Not because I was trying to be thrifty, but because that's what I wanted to eat and drink at the time.) Combined, the other three ordered soft drinks, coffee, a plate of buffalo chicken wings, a meat-lovers omelette, a southern omelette, a hot dog with all the fixings and a plate of cheesy coney fries.
So the bill came to about $33, plus 20 percent tip, so I paid $40.
So, that's fine, I did offer to treat, after all. But for sure, if a friend and peer offers to treat for a meal, I follow their lead, as it were, when it comes to picking something from the menu.
Well, I agree for the most part. In your case, though, your own order was very cheap. Also, there are people out there ~ like me ~ who don't like to drink water with meals (I literally never do).
I do know that when I'm out with friends, we don't know usually know who's going to order what.
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There shouldn't be limits or conditions put on gifts, I get that! But it is a two-way street, all the same.
