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So for all those Homo-philes..its not a big deal...no one cares. Even though you want to brag that you have a GAY friend..it means nothing. People have been gay for centuries..its unfortunate that now its a badge of honor and coming out is almost like the High School Prom.
the thread title including the word "honoring" threw me before i even decided to read
Ah, but I do agree with you. It's not "no big deal." It takes guts. Although homosexuality may be more acceptable than it was 50 years ago, or even 25 years ago, a quick look at the Internet will tell anyone that homophobia and bigotry are still alive and well in this country. There are plenty of first-hand accounts of people being rejected by friends and family they could have sworn loved them, and there are plenty of homophobes and haters in positions of great power who seek to codify discrimination into law with telling people who they can choose as a spouse. Society has come a long way, but still has a long way to go.
So much of how you react also has to do with your friend. I know gay people who say that their sexuality is just one part of them--a big part, no doubt--but they don't want to be defined only by that one facet of themselves. I know others for whom being gay is very much the core of their identity. Therefore, the person coming out is the one who gets to set the tone of the conversation. Just let the person talk.
Here is a great run-down on how to be in the conversation:
Several years ago, one of my friends came out to me first, before her own family. Turns out she was bi, if one had to put a label on her at all. She has only had one relationship with a woman, and now she's been with a man for about three years and they're planning to marry next year. Anyway, when she told me she was in a relationship with a woman (at the time), I was actually kind of honored. She felt comfortable enough--safe enough--to tell me. That she felt she could be her true self with me before anyone else in her life but her then-partner told me she saw me as about as steadfast and trustworthy a friend as one can get. And I told her that.
FWIW, I'm of the notion that sexuality is fluid to one degree or another in most people: If you were to plot human sexuality on a graph, it would probably be a bell curve, with those who are truly 100% straight or 100% gay on either end. People may swear up and down they are 100% one way or the other (and usually it's straights), but if your subconscious has ever coughed up a dream counter to your claimed sexuality and you had a good time in it, on some level you are attracted to someone on the other team, even if it was just that one person. In fact, my theory is that those who yap the loudest about "no, not me, never" are the ones most in denial about their own urges or curiosity. Just a thought.
When my adult daughter told her ultra-liberal father she was bisexual, he dismissed it as "just a phase" she was going through. That's exactly the type of dismissive response that people in the closet still fear and would prefer to avoid.
I think people don't understand that for a larger than it should be percentage of the population, being gay is the worst thing that somebody could be (outside of maybe being a child predator, or possibly transgender, but many people don't see the difference.) People end friendships, tarnish reputations, and do hateful, un-Christian acts towards people that they know that are gay. As a result, somebody who is coming out is basically taking a risk that this could be the end of a relationship, and it could get ugly. They could get bullied, verbally harassed, or even physically attacked.
Obviously, there are many people that don't have a problem with it, but from the person coming out's perspective, they need to know that. Plus, even people who don't have a problem with it change. The hopes and dreams you have for that person might be ruined, or at least changed. Even well-meaning people might feel uncomfortable. A straight guy who had a guy friend come out to him might be worried the newly out is interested in him that way, or that being in association with the gay guy will make people view him as gay himself.
Nevertheless, it's an extremely stressful thing to come out. The person coming out is facing a flood of emotions (especially fear) and reassurance may be needed.
Have a reverse surprise party where you tell him to hide in the closet, have everybody come into the apartment and then instead of yelling "surprise" you say "come out, come out, where ever you are".
Bada Bing!
And then do what I would do, leave immediately because I am not interested in his sex life just like I am not interested in the sex live's of my hetero friends. To each their own. When you make a big deal about it, it makes it look unusual.
I'd also not make it a big deal, and I have been in this situation with a good friend who (at the time) truly believed that I didn't know she was gay. Also my father was gay, but it took him a long time, and three kids, to acknowledge it.
It depends on the circumstance, I guess. I don't see it as cause for celebration because the best eventual outcome for LGBT acceptance is it being a non-event and part of normal life. On the other hand, no doubt it can be a brave and difficult thing to be open about for some people and that deserves some degree of affirmation.
Of course they are. What a question. Were you heterosexual before you had sex? (If you have that is)
Your question gives you away as someone who has no clue about or desire to understand the LGBT experience.
So, according to you, someone who is attracted, sexually, to men and women, but never acts on the attraction to men and is married to a woman is gay? I would think that would qualify as something along the lines of bisexual.
I always thought that LGBT covered a pretty wide range(Well, at least 3.. I wouldn't call transgender a sexual preference) of sexual preferences and that JUST because someone is attracted to the same sex, doesn't automatically throw them into the label of 'gay' as you have just done.
So, according to you, someone who is attracted, sexually, to men and women, but never acts on the attraction to men and is married to a woman is gay? I would think that would qualify as something along the lines of bisexual.
That is correct, he or she would be bisexual. You changed the question, however. Your original question was "If someone is attracted to the same sex but never acts on it.. are they gay?"
Perhaps you should have said "the same and opposite sex" if you were discussing bisexuality.
Also the LGBT designation is about sexual and gender orientation--much broader than "sexual preference," which is a nonsense term.
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