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OP, you sound to me like you're simply reserved. There is NOTHING wrong with that- it's better than being phony any day. Some people are naturally very warm and outgoing. Many are not, but that doesn't mean that the less outgoing folks are not caring and good people. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
OP, you sound to me like you're simply reserved. There is NOTHING wrong with that- it's better than being phony any day. Some people are naturally very warm and outgoing. Many are not, but that doesn't mean that the less outgoing folks are not caring and good people. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
I used to be warm and outgoing. But over time I found that I was attracting too many people too quickly, and I wanted to have stronger boundaries. When you act really friendly right away, some people cling onto you and they have the expectation that you're going to be the best of friends. Or you end up attracting people who you realize later on that you don't want to be close to, and then you have to back off.
I had an awkward situation a few years ago at a funeral service for a great uncle. Two very distant cousins (like 2nd or 3rd) were there who I had never met. I was introduced to them by an uncle.
Right away they wanted to hug. I prefer a handshake when I first meet someone. It helps me to better remember someone. I put my hand out toward them, but I then grudgingly pulled back and embraced them, after they insisted. It felt a bit awkward. We could have hugged later at the end of the service.
Oh that is so awkward. As an adult, meeting someone for the first time, a hug is a bit much. Even if I'm meeting a close friend's other friends whom I have been hearing about for years, I still do a handshake.
For me, it depends on how I'm approached. If it were up to me, I will not approach a group and join in. That's too intimidating. If I see one person, I may sit next to them and start a small conversation. If that person seems up to talking, I'll continue. If the person seems aloof but interested, I'll just continue with small talk until both of us are comfortable. If the person seems uninterested, I won't talk. I'll just sit quietly and eventually move on. If someone approaches me and starts talking, most of the time, I can join in.
I used to be more shy around people. I would appear to not want to be wherever I am and walls would be up. I would smile and be polite, but I'd be the non-talker. Having kids (one is a bit more shy at first while the other is a social butterfly) and a husband who is socially anxious has helped me a lot with social situations. I will speak up much more often now and I can't consider myself the shy person I used to be. I went from staring at the exit signs to actually looking for someone to talk to. I'm still not great at conversations. I blank out sometimes and that makes it hard to converse with people, but I do try.
i dont believe in fake greetings and/or awkward introductions
that awkward stumbling "nice to meet you...nice to meet you too" is a nono
Hmmmm interesting. I actually do find it nice to meet someone new. Perhaps our paths will never cross again, but to me, meeting someone new is an opportunity to gain new insight into this big wonderful world we share. I consider it an honor, and I try to show respect and interest toward the person I have just met. There are some fascinating stories out there.
When you are introduced to someone, always smile, look them in the eye, shake their hand, and say "It's nice to meet you, Mary!". Repeating their name in the greeting helps you remember their name. Pause for a few moments, then say "will you excuse me? I need to say hello to my friend Jim". THEN GO SAY HELLO TO JIM! Don't just walk away and stand in the corner. THAT is aloof.
I'm not shy about talking to anyone. If I meet someone new I try to engage them in a conversation because you can learn so much by talking with other people. But that doesn't mean I am exactly crazy about other people because I am actually a very private person in my personal life. It just means I find people interesting. Probably most of that comes from me having jobs all my life that required me to be in contact with strangers all day.........sales and other jobs like that.
Something funny that I have discovered is that people from certain areas tend to be very uncomfortable when engaged in a conversation with strangers. For example, I am from Pittsburgh originally and when I get a customer who is from that area I attempt to carry on a conversation with them. 99% of the time you can sense they are afraid to really come out and talk with you, it is almost like there is a wall there. Same goes for people from the midwest, they are much less outgoing than people from the South, for example.
I know those are generalizations, but I see it so often and you can almost tell where the person is from by their willingness to open up.
I tend toward polite, but aloof or reserved. If I'm introduced to a new person, I perform the usual niceties, but I don't gush, gab, or act overly friendly, or overly intimate. If we do have small talk, I tend to crack a joke about the context we're currently both in.
I know people who when introduced to someone for the first time, actually tend to hug them!
I understand that to some people, that's just "normal friendly" but to me it seems very, very odd.
Nice to meet you too, let's cuddle! Um, no.
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