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When you meet new people (other people's friends, family, etc), are you gushingly nice, or are you polite but hold back a bit?
I'm polite when I meet people, but I don't get too close too soon, because I need to scope each person out until I know they're someone who I can be myself with. I think that's normal.
But, I have been told by others that I come across as aloof sometimes and they think I don't like them, because I'm not overly warm or welcoming towards new people. For me, I would rather hold back a bit and know who I'm dealing with than be an "everything to everyone" type because I want everyone to like me.
I don't want to be cold towards others, but I just don't feel comfortable being someone's best friend right off the bat...
You sound like you're a rather introverted person. I am as well. There is nothing wrong with that. I'd rather read books and hang out with my pets than make lame small talk with strangers. Being around people a lot annoys me, and crowds give me a lot of anxiety. I've always been like that. I try to be polite when I meet new people, but a lot of times I just bow out of invitations, except with the four or five friends I know best.
When you meet new people (other people's friends, family, etc), are you gushingly nice, or are you polite but hold back a bit?
I'm polite when I meet people, but I don't get too close too soon, because I need to scope each person out until I know they're someone who I can be myself with. I think that's normal.
But, I have been told by others that I come across as aloof sometimes and they think I don't like them, because I'm not overly warm or welcoming towards new people. For me, I would rather hold back a bit and know who I'm dealing with than be an "everything to everyone" type because I want everyone to like me.
I don't want to be cold towards others, but I just don't feel comfortable being someone's best friend right off the bat...
Hmmmm interesting. I actually do find it nice to meet someone new. Perhaps our paths will never cross again, but to me, meeting someone new is an opportunity to gain new insight into this big wonderful world we share. I consider it an honor, and I try to show respect and interest toward the person I have just met. There are some fascinating stories out there.
Ditto. Reading the responses on this thread has explained so much.
I'm not shy about talking to anyone. If I meet someone new I try to engage them in a conversation because you can learn so much by talking with other people. But that doesn't mean I am exactly crazy about other people because I am actually a very private person in my personal life. It just means I find people interesting. Probably most of that comes from me having jobs all my life that required me to be in contact with strangers all day.........sales and other jobs like that.
Something funny that I have discovered is that people from certain areas tend to be very uncomfortable when engaged in a conversation with strangers. For example, I am from Pittsburgh originally and when I get a customer who is from that area I attempt to carry on a conversation with them. 99% of the time you can sense they are afraid to really come out and talk with you, it is almost like there is a wall there. Same goes for people from the midwest, they are much less outgoing than people from the South, for example.
I know those are generalizations, but I see it so often and you can almost tell where the person is from by their willingness to open up.
Don
Sometimes it's even more marginalized than region, although I don't know why. I was thinking about this the other day. I usually shop at a Shop Rite grocery store, and like to start conversations with the people in line. Usually people are receptive and sometimes a fun convo starts that includes everyone in line, including the cashier...but the other day I went to a different market in the same town, and everyone I talked to looked at me like I had 3 heads. So who knows?
Well, sometimes you can't avoid small talk, chatting, socializing a bit, etc. I always find the best way to do that, is to try to get people talking about their favorite subject: themselves!
Just get them going, and a few nods, some uh-huhs, and they'll think you're the most brilliant conversationlist on the planet! Try it some time.
One thing that I have heard people say over and over again about people here in Florida is that when they ask for directions the person actually takes the time to give them good directions ! They say where they come from people can't be bothered sometimes.
I think we humans have lost the ability to communicate one on one, eye to eye. So much texting and emailing these days. I have seen four people at a Subway sitting together eating and each one was turned sideways and engrossed in their texting and ignoring everyone else at the table !
Don
I am myself when I meet new people. I don't need to size anyone up. I don't understand people who are uncomfortable being themselves.
I'm not uncomfortable being myself. I have just found that putting myself all the way out there from the beginning is not the wisest thing to do. Not only have I attracted weirdos, I have been stalked in the past. So I am careful.
I had an awkward situation a few years ago at a funeral service for a great uncle. Two very distant cousins (like 2nd or 3rd) were there who I had never met. I was introduced to them by an uncle.
Right away they wanted to hug. I prefer a handshake when I first meet someone. It helps me to better remember someone. I put my hand out toward them, but I then grudgingly pulled back and embraced them, after they insisted. It felt a bit awkward. We could have hugged later at the end of the service.
I feel the same way. My maternal grandmother had a huge family and I have hundreds of relatives we never met because they lived in various parts of the country. A great uncle passed and our family, along with several relatives from all over, drove out of state to attend the services. I had countless people coming up to me expecting hugs and kisses. It was so uncomfortable, even as a kid, but I grew up during a time (or maybe it was my family) where people called everybody "aunt" and "uncle," even non-relatives. I, for one, am glad this is kind of waning because I would never force my kids to hug or kiss someone they didn't want to hug or kiss, regardless of the genetic relationship or "closeness" of that person to a blood relative.
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