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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,794,567 times
Reputation: 41387
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In simplest terms......butt out. He is 35, not a druggie, and working. That should be enough for any parent to be happy of how their kid turned out. He may feel marriage and kids ain't for him and nothing is wrong with that.
thank you also to those of you who are advising me to get a hobby. that makes me laugh. i see an undercurrent of anger in your post and i don't know where it is coming from, or why. i have a pretty decent life, lots of hobbies and interest, and am quite content, thank you. i wish the same for you.
They are probably people who have been nagged at, hounded, and harassed by their mother about getting married.
Read the first sentence of your fourth paragraph. In fact cut it out, make copies of it and paste those copies to every mirror in your house. Look at them daily.
Then find something else to do with your time. Your son is 35- leave him alone. Do not project any of your feelings onto him - just let him be.
Great response and thanks, willow wind, for saving me from reading all five pages (so far) in this thread.
People act like it's so easy to just meet someone and get married, like you can just pick out a wife in the "soulmate" aisle at the supermarket. It's not. It especially becomes more difficult after your mid 30's, as the pickings become much slimmer. I'm 42 and never been married. Would I like to? Sure. But I am not going to put my life on hold until I do, or just marry anyone just to satisfy society. I have a steady job. I have other interests. I ran my first marathon at age 40, rode a 350 mile bike trip with friends on the Great Allegheny Passage last fall, and also generally enjoy my solitude and independence also. It's not like I sit home all day moping about being single.
I had a long-term relationship in my late 20's and she wanted to get married, but I knew I wouldn't be happy with her in the long run. It would've probably ended in divorce, or me just going through the motions for the next 50 years. Is that better than being single? Hardly.
I tried online dating last year and it was horrible. I expected the women I met to be more mature since they were all over 35, but there was more drama and game playing than when I was in my 20's! Like I said, IT IS NOT EASY. Just let your son be and don't worry about it. I'm sure he is "ready" but has not met anyone worth spending his entire life with, or he would have married her. There's nothing "dark and mysterious" about him not wanting to discuss his love life with his mother either, it might not be comfortable for him. Just let him be.
I tried online dating last year and it was horrible. I expected the women I met to be more mature since they were all over 35, but there was more drama and game playing than when I was in my 20's! Like I said, IT IS NOT EASY. Just let your son be and don't worry about it. I'm sure he is "ready" but has not met anyone worth spending his entire life with, or he would have married her. There's nothing "dark and mysterious" about him not wanting to discuss his love life with his mother either, it might not be comfortable for him. Just let him be.
i agree with what you have said in the bolded line. but how does one know what the future is going to be like? people can and do change. no human relationship is perfect but we all need it.
even though i am not on the online dating scene, i think it can be quite miserable and i feel a lot of sympathy for my son and others like you. like you, i would like to think he IS leading a full life when he is in his own home, but cannot help feeling it would be better if he had someone, compatible and nice, to share that with. i only worry about those times when he feels lonesome.
I get the feeling the OP is looking for some sort of support from other parents to help her deal with her feelings.
After reading the OP's follow up posts I get the feeling she is less of a nag or a matchmaker but more trying to deal with how she is coping.
I agree. It can be a grieving process, because we as parents are seeing that what we THOUGHT our kids' future (and by extension OUR futures) would be turn out VERY differently.
My question is why do you see the lack of a significant other as a lack. Some people would like a partner, but it's not at the top of the agenda. Some people simply don't want a partner and that's fine too.
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Someone can find a partner at any age. There really isn't a window of opportunity on this. Many don't have the significant issues with biological clocks as women do. He is still young enough to marry and have kids, although he will be an older dad. His expectations may be unreasonable, but he has to adjust them, not you.
well, he would like to get married, i have already said that. not top of his agenda maybe but up there.
When i said that i did not mean age, although it IS a factor, but i mean finding the right person, which is a more important factor. it is rare and difficult to find a perfect match but when you hit 6 or 7 out of 10, and they are important ones, then that is a window of opportunity that has closed if we don't take the right step.
i compare it to when my husband and i were young and not very experienced about buying a house and we rejected some that we saw that did not have the right kind of appearance, wrong color, siding etc. even carpet color not realizing how easy these thing are to fix. nobody told us and it was such a simple thing that our realtor probly. did not realize. i am not saying people are like houses but i think people do grow, develop and mature, adapt and that is a factor that one may not realize that happens in a long term marriage.
it is not age or having kids but the right person for him. i think that is something worth discussing with someone who has your interest, time to listen to you, and can explore it and perhaps illuminate it.
sometimes being single is better than being in an empty relationship.
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