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That is absolutely ridiculous. I think the wife had some strange attachment issue.
How is that different than the OP's husband and in-laws insisting that every weekend they must spend a whole day together at the parent's home (except that in the OPs case sometimes it is Sunday and sometimes Sunday)?
Quote:
Originally Posted by LemonZinger321
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The problem is, his family (mother, father, aunt, uncle & cousins mostly) get together every SINGLE weekend.
My mother-in-law feels we HAVE to be at her house every weekend. Either a Saturday or Sunday…both if she couldhave her way.
Then you agree that the OPs husband has strange attachment issues, too?
Why don't you and your husband plan outings on the weekend? Regular married couples do that but you don't mention anything about it. Then, you inform everyone about your upcoming outing and how excited you are for it. Are they going to tell you you can't go? Unlikely.
"Next Saturday we're driving to the beach and (pick a shore town). I'm excited!"
"Next Sunday we're taking an outing to the city." I can't wait; it's been forever since we've been!"
"We got a book on great recreational areas in NJ, next Saturday we're going to explore (pick an area). The leaves should be beautiful!"
"We just got new bikes, we're going to go to (pick a place) and ride them."
I think that the OP may have to convince her husband first that they need to spend some time away from his family. That may be a bigger challenge than getting away from her in-laws for a weekend.
How is that different than the OP's husband and in-laws insisting that every weekend they must spend a whole day together at the parent's home (except that in the OPs case sometimes it is Sunday and sometimes Sunday)?
1) can be for your husbands' family get togethers
2) can be for your family's stuff
3) can be you and your husbands alone time
4) can be up for grabs, whatever comes up, new activities and sports and past times
I call it balance. If you wait until your resentment is boiling over like a tea kettle, you'll say something thoughtless and hurtful like "I hate your stoopid mom and her lame parties!!! I want to MOVE TO CLEVELAND."
What about changing your work hours? Can you work every Sat and Sun and take 2 days off during the week? Then that can be your weekend and you'll have no pressure and no one can complain.
It doesn't sound like the two of you get any time alone together on days off. When do you go on dates dinner and a movie or swimming?
I would conspire with your mom to let him know what it's like to have the shoe on the other foot. Make him spend entire days and evenings with your family and when he wants to go home ignore him. Some guys never get the point until you show them. His mother is manipulating and monopolizing all of your time and he's letting her. The wedding vows say he should cleave unto you and no other. I understand it's fun to spend time at big family gatherings but this is too much. I wouldn't complain to him any more just show him what it's like to spend the entire day at the in-laws house every week
This is not an enviable position - been there, done that. Solution was to first be honest that as I work a stressful job, I need at least a day to decompress. Initially, this got me viewed as "distant" but I could deal with that. Then we got a couple of dogs and the MIL was somewhat allergic - so at least one of us needed to get back to the pups after a few hours, etc.
You're still newlyweds so the boundaries will change over time. Ours did. Turns out that my SO was also feeling smothered and our solution was to move out to the boondocks (hour away) from the family. Now, we have bi-weekly or monthly, reasonable length visits (few hours) that are actually a pleasure.
Hope it all works out for you but just be patient, be HONEST with your SO and I'm sure that all will work out.
Have not read all the postings; so this may have already been brought up. When the OP was dating her now husband, was there any indication that weekends would be 'family' weekends? I realize the bell has rung, but being forewarned is being forearmed.
Anyhoo, if the OP refuses to attend the ongoing weekend get togethers, either she will be viewed as not liking one of the outlaws, or tying to break up the family. I've even heard MILs claim that the DIL is trying to keep 'her precious son' all to herself.
Sounds like one of those loser-loser situations unless hubby is willing to respect the fact that his wife may prefer to spend the time with other people (i.e., her relatives/friends), or have free time to do something with him or ??
I know a family like this. My cousin married into it, and all of a sudden she was seeing the entire extended family every weekend. It's nuts. And I really don't think it's healthy.
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