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I enjoy it, otherwise I would quit. I ended up quitting another volunteering I did when I found out they created committees and i wasn't included.
Just a thought, is it possible your relationship with an alcoholic is giving you a bad reputation, and these folks are giving you a "message"? I only say this, since this has happened to you a couple times before. Nothing personal.
Last edited by convextech; 09-02-2014 at 10:46 AM..
Reading all this has certainly cured me of any notion of returning to a local church for community and friendship. And certainly not volunteer opportunities.
Sounds like all the drama of a workplace and more...
Churches are filled with people looking for the power and prestige they aren't able to achieve in the outside world. It's the big fish in the little pond syndrome. Also a reason why so many people shy away from volunteering in their church......afraid of stepping on the toes of the ones who "own" certain jobs.
If the director has told the mother she is a "co-pilot" of the class, and told the OP the mother is an assistant, the director is at fault here. Both parties need to know exactly what function the new volunteer is to perform. Something tells me that the OP will only be satisfied if the volunteer is classified as an assistant (only worthy to take the kids to the bathroom) and leave the teaching to her, and only her. There's not enough room in that little pond for too many big fish.
The OP definitely suffers from "big fish in small pound syndrome", she even stated in one post that she is a part time cantor at the church, and if she leaves they will be in big trouble.
Just a thought, is it possible your relationship with an alcoholic is giving you a bad reputation, and these folks are giving you a "message"? I only say this, since this has happened to you a couple times before. Nothing personal.
A relationship with an alcoholic? That's a full-time job.
It makes a person feel so powerless. You do your best to try to keep them sober, up and running, and yet somehow you fail over and over. Your feelings of worth as a human being can really take a beating. Frustration becomes your daily companion.
Pretty soon you find yourself searching out ways to confirm that you are in control of something, anything. That craving to have one area of your life where you feel competent and in control can be overwhelming.
OP, if this is true, it makes your situation so much more understandable. It also suggests that the problem you present in the OP isn't the "real" problem in your life.
You do know there is help for people who love alcoholics, right? Now I know why you keep saying you are such a good and giving woman. You are! And all that love and energy are feeling wasted and unappreciated. Call your local Alanon pronto and start a new way of life.
Just a thought, is it possible your relationship with an alcoholic is giving you a bad reputation, and these folks are giving you a "message"? I only say this, since this has happened to you a couple times before. Nothing personal.
Mod cut.
I think they want her out and want this woman to take over. The director may have issues in dealing with a confrontation. So this "assistant" who seems to be yielding more power than past assistants has been brought in hopes that the OP(who seems to have a short fuse) will up and leave on her own, rather than be asked to.
The "my child is shy so I have to be in the classroom" doesn't quite add up.
Because having mommy around isn't going to help with the shyness. Sounds like an excuse to implement some changes.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 09-03-2014 at 01:39 PM..
Reason: Off topic.
I disagree with almost everyone, and agree with the original poster. The problem is that the mom wants to be there for her child. That will be a disaster. That's the real problem. The OP is having trouble explaining it. Making it sound like jealousy for the position, when it's actually an entirely different problem. It sounds like a defense of the territory, when it's actually a defense of making things work well. And it's perfectly normal for people who invest a good part of their lives making things work well to feel threatened when someone comes along with the intent of changing things. The person who invests so much into making things work well should be the first person consulted about changing anything. The person who wants to make the changes should convince the original person that the changes would be good, and not go over their head to put pressure on them.
That's true. Like I mentioned I've always had assistant, that's not the issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl
I've taken some pretty large responsibilities with non-profit organizations I feel are worthwhile. (Just for one example, I produced, wrote, and hosted a program on a public radio station for several years for no pay.) I've found the management of these groups to have one thing in common. At some point they start to take volunteers for granted.
They look toward the newer, shinier thing and value it above your contribution, even if that's unwarranted. I don't have any compunction about moving on when that happens. They'll survive and you'll be happier being the newer, shinier thing somewhere else. I suspect there are other places in your community where your experience could be put to use.
I feel for you being undervalued after your enthusiastic participation, but think about the little girl who will probably never stop being shy if her mother doesn't stop micromanaging her life.
Good luck.
That's the problem with volunteering. I was a volunteer for many things like political groups and often saw myself used, which is why I stopped.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Perhaps, it is common in your church or in your area for parents to volunteer in their child's class but it is not common in the churches where I have volunteered in my area.
And, it isn't that the mom wants to volunteer to bring snack or volunteer to help with crafts, it appears that she is demanding to be the teacher so that her shy daughter does not have to be in a class without her mother right there and in charge of everything.
Exactly. I've had moms offer to bring in things or talk to the kids or even helped me with things. That's no problem. None of them came in and said "my way". I was shy too but it would have worse if my mom was hovering over me.
After reading all of the petty bs in the church...
...and we wonder why people are leaving the church!!
That would be an excuse to leave church, but not a reason.
Unfortunately, there is no perfect church. If they leave to look for a church that is perfect, the minute they go through the doors it is no longer perfect.
People leaving church because human frailties are evident just means there are that many fewer imperfect people in church.
There ARE good reasons to leave a church, but this is not one of them.
I think they want her out and want this woman to take over. The director may have issues in dealing with a confrontation. So this "assistant" who seems to be yielding more power than past assistants has been brought in hopes that the OP(who seems to have a short fuse) will up and leave on her own, rather than be asked to.
The "my child is shy so I have to be in the classroom" doesn't quite add up.
Because having mommy around isn't going to help with the shyness. Sounds like an excuse to implement some changes.
You may be right about the director wanted the OP out, however, there are many, many parents of "shy" children who "insist" that the rules be bent or totally ignored so that they are with their children. Every year, in the public school where I taught/sub teach there would be problems with a couple of parents.
"I know that the rules say that I can not walk my 1st grader to her classroom every morning, but she is so shy that I need to do that".
"I have to go on the fieldtrip with my child, she would be frightened without me going along."
"I know that parents are not allowed on the playground during lunch recess but my daughter wants me to stand beside while she plays on the equipment."
"I want to volunteer in my daughter's classroom, fulltime." (Yes, a parent wanted to volunteer from Monday to Friday, from the first bell to the end of school each day).
These were things that I remember other teachers telling me from my school just from last year.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-02-2014 at 12:42 PM..
And, remember that the OP said that Church officials ordered the mom a teacher's manual which they have never before done for an assistant.
Perhaps, "demanded" was too strong a word. I guess that I am interpreting the OP's situation with my background of experiences that I have had with similar situations where parents have insisted that they must be with their child.
I am a retired teacher and have had over 30 years of seeing various parents volunteer in school settings. Plus, I was an extremely active volunteer in my own children's schools from 4K through HS as well as a decade of volunteering in church settings.
But, I admit that I may be wrong in this particular situation and the mom is just trying to be helpful and will be a team player with the OP and others and will treat all of the children in the classroom with fairness.
You're right. Many are getting it wrong and think I'm not open to helping. Not true at all. This issue is bothering me because she only wants to volunteer to be with her daughter and to control the class. I don't know if she demanded a book or they are just ordering it, but they never did for the assistants.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
Just a thought, is it possible your relationship with an alcoholic is giving you a bad reputation, and these folks are giving you a "message"? I only say this, since this has happened to you a couple times before. Nothing personal.
No, they don't know him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar
A relationship with an alcoholic? That's a full-time job.
It makes a person feel so powerless. You do your best to try to keep them sober, up and running, and yet somehow you fail over and over. Your feelings of worth as a human being can really take a beating. Frustration becomes your daily companion.
Pretty soon you find yourself searching out ways to confirm that you are in control of something, anything. That craving to have one area of your life where you feel competent and in control can be overwhelming.
OP, if this is true, it makes your situation so much more understandable. It also suggests that the problem you present in the OP isn't the "real" problem in your life.
You do know there is help for people who love alcoholics, right? Now I know why you keep saying you are such a good and giving woman. You are! And all that love and energy are feeling wasted and unappreciated. Call your local Alanon pronto and start a new way of life.
Luckily he is getting help. I wouldn't be with him otherwise.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 09-03-2014 at 01:43 PM..
Reason: Off topic and orphaned.
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