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We also learn, as you pointed out, how to be better guests ourselves. For instance, you learned not to bring a dish that needs to be baked. I've learned to ask whether or not the host wants the linens to be stripped from the bed.
Exactly. Bringing things for the oven was never even on my radar until the one party where I got stuck with too many things, too small an oven, and, as one poster mentioned, the desire to have all of them hot when served. I learned to avoid bringing dishes to be heated, or at least letting the host know I was planning on it then making sure it wouldn't screw them up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
The only thing I ever have a problem with is if people simply don't offer to help clear a table, or if a particular family member or guest habitually disappears when there's kitchen work to be done. I always wonder what they'd do if I tried that in their house - but I always forget to do it when I'm a guest there! I really need to try to remember to try that out.
Honestly, debates aside, as I'd mentioned in the OP, none of this ever really keeps me awake at night, would cause me to not invite people again, or never host a party again. Honestly, when we're cleaning up, I'm not even paying attention to who is helping and who is not.
We only have one couple we don't invite anymore. They're the "only brought two beers" people, and our decision had more to do with the fact that over a 20-year span, we included them in countless parties and they never ever reciprocated once. Not even just asking us to go out for pizza. Finally, we cut them off the list. One other person doesn't get invited because the wife drenches on so much perfume, my house reeks for three days. Sad, because we like them, but we don't know them well enough to ask her to not wear perfume. So we just haven't invited them back.
But then I've been in some homes where CLEARLY a little jelly on the carpet was just no big deal.
I have a good friend who keeps a very messy house. She's always embarrassed by it, but honestly, it makes me feel very comfortable there. I never worry about messing something up. Wish I could be more like her. And I've told her on more than one occasion that people are friends with YOU not your house, LOL
I thought it would be obvious that we are only discussing the disasters here, not all the ones that went off without a hitch. And fortunately, I'm not the kind to let one bad guest ruin me for life. That seems a little extreme. The original point was that how we behave as hosts and guests has been shaped by our experiences as a host. The speculation was that some of us may have more varying experiences because we've done a lot of entertaining for a wide range of people. I have to wonder if folks who say they've never had a problem either don't do much entertaining, or only host the same group of people.
On the other hand, some people are just more relaxed than others. My niece is the type who if food gets spilled on her wood floors, she just leaves it. (Lots of kids, used to food on the floor). She's very laid back and would be more inclined to complain about how the guests treat her kids than how they treat her house.
I am very relaxed, I admit. I put the comfort of my guests over the protection of my belongings. I have a china closet full of Waterford and Orrefors crystal. I use it. If one breaks, well, I'm down one. What good does it do sitting in the china cabinet collecting dust?
I clean before and after I have guests. Spots and stains are just part of life, and I don't fret over them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
So basically people whose experience or thoughts differ from your own either aren't as experienced as hosts or else they are "laid back" and don't mind food on the floor?
Got it.
I got it too, but I'll never get the mindset I'm reading here.
I have a good friend who keeps a very messy house. She's always embarrassed by it, but honestly, it makes me feel very comfortable there. I never worry about messing something up. Wish I could be more like her. And I've told her on more than one occasion that people are friends with YOU not your house, LOL
something funny happened to me yesterday. We were at one sister's house having a small gathering. Just casual food - paper plates.
Other sister was sitting next to me and before I knew it she grabbed my empty plate and started cleaning my area. I told her that I wasn't really finished - might go for seconds? Then she did it with my dessert plate!
She is like a cleaning machine. Grab stuff out of your hand before you know. Will tell you, you are through!
We traveled to visit family in another state last year. During the main event of the reunion, she stood up and said - I'm ready - lets go. We all just meekly followed her - so funny.
I am very relaxed, I admit. I put the comfort of my guests over the protection of my belongings. I have a china closet full of Waterford and Orrefors crystal. I use it. If one breaks, well, I'm down one. What good does it do sitting in the china cabinet collecting dust?
I clean before and after I have guests. Spots and stains are just part of life, and I don't fret over them.
I agree with you about the crystal. I use my china and crystal, even the family heirloom china that has gone up amazingly in value. It's meant to be used and enjoyed and I do so. In fact, just YESTERDAY as I was putting the china up in the china cabinet after a big weekend holiday party, I broke a serving dish! Oh well, that's too bad but at least it's a big set. Whew.
I'd rather be the one who breaks it though. I honestly prefer to hand wash my own china and crystal when entertaining. But like I said, I do like to have things cleared so that people can relax in a more peaceful than chaotic environment. So I prefer to move dishes to the sink area, and clear the table and counters and stove. This doesn't take very long.
When I have a large party, I clean as we go along. I do greatly appreciate it when guests pick up their own dishes and bring them into the kitchen so the table is cleared quickly. But my husband and I much prefer to do the dishes after everyone's gone.
I know glasses are going to be set around, as well as the occasional napkin, or a book or magazine, or the sofa pillows are going to probably end up on the floor beside the sofa...but I do draw the line at someone tracking grape jelly on very light colored carpet. I can't sit still and just watch that stuff being tracked across the living room!
something funny happened to me yesterday. We were at one sister's house having a small gathering. Just casual food - paper plates.
Other sister was sitting next to me and before I knew it she grabbed my empty plate and started cleaning my area. I told her that I wasn't really finished - might go for seconds? Then she did it with my dessert plate!
She is like a cleaning machine. Grab stuff out of your hand before you know. Will tell you, you are through!
We traveled to visit family in another state last year. During the main event of the reunion, she stood up and said - I'm ready - lets go. We all just meekly followed her - so funny.
My dad did this to my mom in a restaurant once. She gave him an earful in the parking lot as they were walking out. Never did it again, LOL
My dad did this to my mom in a restaurant once. She gave him an earful in the parking lot as they were walking out. Never did it again, LOL
Ha! This happened today to me in a fast food restaurant with my mother. We stood up and she grabbed up my cup (with ice and some drink left in it) and said, "I guess you're done with this," which I certainly wasn't!
I don't know why she was doing this anyway since I am fully capable of picking up my own trash and was in fact doing just that. So I said, "No, Mom, I'm still drinking that," and just took it out of her hand.
My mother has always been sort of weirdly helpful - like she tries to be helpful but in ways that aren't helpful at all. Sometimes I think there has to be an art to that, a reason behind it. But then, my mother is also pretty socially inept in general.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately because the older she gets the more clumsy she gets socially. Some would call it rude but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt! She just does strange things like this: We met some new neighbors as we were out walking. She introduced herself in a friendly, charming way, and they introduced themselves and immediately my mother said, "Well, I hope you're not a doctor or a lawyer because in my opinion they're all crooks."
WHAT? The new neighbors were gracious but I told her after we left, "Mom! What if they WERE doctors or lawyers?" and she just said, "Well, I still think all doctors and lawyers are crooks."
Anyway, my point is that some people just don't get the finer points of societal interactions - ever!
She introduced herself in a friendly, charming way, and they introduced themselves and immediately my mother said, "Well, I hope you're not a doctor or a lawyer because in my opinion they're all crooks."
OMG, that's like having kids through the nightmare years when they have no filter. ("Mommy, why is that man's eye crooked?" )
The original point was that how we behave as hosts and guests has been shaped
by our experiences as a host.
If that was the intent of the OP, I sure missed it. I was pretty sure it was:
Quote:
when I'm a guest in someone else's house, I absolutely abhor doing dishes or otherwise helping in someone else's kitchen. Not that anyone ever asks me to. It's just one of those things people in my circle of friends/family offers to help with.
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Oh well, that's too bad but at least it's a big set. Whew. 
)
