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I put a big ring around the word "overfunctioning." When I see my guests doing that, either for overnight departures or after a meal, I say, "Thanks, but no thanks."
Sometimes people are so "helpful" they are insulting or hurtful, without meaning to be such. Example in my life: I have a mobility disability, and am clergy wife. All year, I enjoy eating the cookies and complex cakes that our congregants make after services. So I told the chair of the cookie-arrangements (scheduling, etc) that for one specific evening, I wanted to say "thank you" by having everyone to our home for dessert, and I'd provide Everything. I shopped and baked it over many weeks, so it'd work for me.
Despite that, the committee chair spread the word that it was "pot-luck" I had specificially said NO when she'd asked me if others should "bring." I couldn't have been more clear with her.
The big day, I was very excited to welcome around 40 people. My table looked beautiful, and everything was home-baked by me. I rested up and was ready!
Doorbell rang, and to my sadness, every guest walked in with some fancy thing they had baked (on instructions from the committee chairlady). Filing in, many asked me for something I had to run and find for their dish: a serving spoon; small bowls I didn't own for portions; counter space to whip their cream (couldn't be done at their home, "it's a last-minute thing..").
Whoever didn't bake brought the cheapest grocery store cake and told me how to cut and serve it out (from a white box?). Someone brought Dunkin Donuts, which I just hid.
Instead of feeling pride and enjoyment, I spent the next hour (when I should have been interacting and making folks feel comfortalbe in my home) listening to all their directions on how to serve their contributions to my party.
Later, I had to figure out whose unmarked serving dish belonged to whom, so they were correctly returned to owners. That took phone calls I didn't wish to make, but of course, did.
There was twice as much food as needed. People barely ate what I made, because they knew the thing to do was sample each others' stuff and spread compliments around. And I just tried to keep up and compliment/thank the people who'd put in sincere effort to bake.
Overfunctioning. That committee lady overrode my specific instructions. (I'm an excellent baker, by the way).
Instead of my being able to graciously return a favor to the hardworking bakers of our congregation, that one lady made them ALL overwork--again-- to "help" me. I did not want to be helped, and that was the whole point of the evening.
When she asked me later how I liked the evening, I let her know in diplomatic terms that, while I enjoyed everyone's company, she need not have told them all to bake and I wished she'd have let them all just come to be served. I reminded her I had wanted to make it a "thank you" evening from me to them. It got around.
Last edited by BrightRabbit; 12-08-2014 at 10:20 AM..
When she asked me later how I liked the evening, I let her know in diplomatic terms that, while I enjoyed everyone's company, she need not have told them all to bake and I wished she'd have let them all just come to be served. I reminded her I had wanted to make it a "thank you" evening from me to them. It got around.
Doorbell rang, and to my sadness, every guest walked in with some fancy thing they had baked (on instructions from the committee chairlady). Filing in, many asked me for something I had to run and find for their dish: a serving spoon; small bowls I didn't own for portions; counter space to whip their cream (couldn't be done at their home, "it's a last-minute thing..").
Yes, I've had these kinds of things happen, though on a much smaller scale than your event. People bring something you weren't expecting that derails all your plans. Being on that side of it, I've learned to communicate more with the host if I'm bringing something, so they aren't surprised. It just makes everything easier, and all it takes is a phone call.
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