Neighbors over stepping boundaries! (husband, person, retired, house)
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I'd feel like a crazy person if I took a package of seeds and starting sowing them in my neighbors' yards. It's very intrusive to start seeding someone else's lawn if they haven't asked you to do this. Being neighborly is picking up a piece of trash or something that might have blown into someone's yard, not doing their landscaping without consulting them.
Posters aren't jumping to anything other than what the OP stated
Her opinion may be that her huge muddy mess is "not that bad' but that doesn't mean her neighbors feel the same way
READ MY POST ON PAGE 5! HE made it a muddy mess BY WATERING it for over half an hour. He has picked at our yard off and on since we moved here four years ago. Read my page 5 post!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
Did I misread, or did the neighbor start picking at her yard BEFORE it was dug up. That's how I read the OP. Other posters seem to think he started after.
I know that it is a "huge muddy mess" BECAUSE of the neighbor, though. He's the one who planted grass and watered without asking permission.
Yes, exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I really don't know in what world it is acceptable to plant grass on property that isn't yours. It is just not ok.
Aside from that, your post makes no sense. You implied the neighbor worked on the op's yard because it was "a huge muddy mess." Not possible because it wasn't that way until he made it that way! You didn't say it he planted grass because it was full of dirt and weeds.
If I understood right, the neighbor was also watering and raking before the lawn was dug up, so that also wasn't because it was a dirty or muddy mess.
Yes! Just because it is dirt with patchy grass doesn't mean it's an eyesore. The tall weeds are pulled, the grass that is left if still mowed, it just has a lot of bare spots. This is temporary. It's not like the it's been ignored and overgrown for a year or more. Just a few months. I am so glad I don't live next to all you judgemental, impatient people. The old man isn't trying to "fix" our lawn because it's ugly, he thinks he's helping and he is BORED (he also came over a few times to "help" my husband with our kitchen). But either way, it's none of his business!
It is interesting that many posters are jumping to the conclusion that the yard must be unsightly or not kept up. I'm leaning more toward the neighbor being bored and nit picky.
We had an older couple next door who spent quite a bit of time on their yard. The older man complained when we removed a tree (there were 2 and only really room for 1), and suggested multiple times that we get rid of the lawn along the side of the driveway and replace it with flowers (like he had on his side). He never came over and did anything to our yard himself, he just made his opinions known multiple times.
There was nothing wrong with our yard. It just wasn't his taste. I'm thinking the OP's neighbor has time on his hands, enjoys gardening, and doesn't understand boundaries.
THIS sounds like the crux of the problem. Astoundingly, there are people who have made it to old age without ever having learned to respect other people's space. I had a thread going on here some months ago about the friend I refer to as my "stalker neighbor". She is in her 70s and does not ever seem to have learned basic rules about respecting other people's boundaries. When I wrote about her, I got the same remarks about how she is probably lonely, cut her slack, blather, blather. She is NOT lonely. She has three grown children within five miles, plus grandchildren that she spends time with, plus friends here in the complex where we live. She even still works part-time. I like her. We play cards and go out to eat regularly. She just doesn't have any damn sense about where her life ends and someone else's begins, and so I have to manage that. Her latest trick is that I mentioned I am going to visit a friend who lives out of state. She invited herself to come with me. Yes, to stay at the home of a person she met once, and who did not invite her to come. When I said, "You can't just invite yourself to stay at someone's house," she cocked her head and grinned at me as if I were a dull child and said, "Oh come on now, I'm sure she would LOVE to have us both come visit her!" Willfully clueless.
Sounds like the OP's neighbor is the same way. I think some of them play the old-age card to get away with their intrusiveness, and they were probably like that when they were young, too.
THIS sounds like the crux of the problem. Astoundingly, there are people who have made it to old age without ever having learned to respect other people's space. I had a thread going on here some months ago about the friend I refer to as my "stalker neighbor". She is in her 70s and does not ever seem to have learned basic rules about respecting other people's boundaries. When I wrote about her, I got the same remarks about how she is probably lonely, cut her slack, blather, blather. She is NOT lonely. She has three grown children within five miles, plus grandchildren that she spends time with, plus friends here in the complex where we live. She even still works part-time. I like her. We play cards and go out to eat regularly. She just doesn't have any damn sense about where her life ends and someone else's begins, and so I have to manage that. Her latest trick is that I mentioned I am going to visit a friend who lives out of state. She invited herself to come with me. Yes, to stay at the home of a person she met once, and who did not invite her to come. When I said, "You can't just invite yourself to stay at someone's house," she cocked her head and grinned at me as if I were a dull child and said, "Oh come on now, I'm sure she would LOVE to have us both come visit her!" Willfully clueless.
Sounds like the OP's neighbor is the same way. I think some of them play the old-age card to get away with their intrusiveness, and they were probably like that when they were young, too.
RE: the bolded--that's a sign of narcissism. And the underlined--freaky! Also narcissism, but taken to an extreme. Wow, I would be way too uncomfortable with someone like that to spend any time with them. She comes across (from this description) like a borderline loony tune.
OP, I'm sorry about your neighbor. One of mine had her elderly mom visiting, who decided that my side yard was too weedy and went to work. She hacked down about half of my onions before her daughter stopped her. Since the mom is 87 and not really in her right mind, I let it go. I hope that I have that sort of energy at that age.
Since I am going to be here for awhile, I'm saving for a 7' privacy fence, and code does allow it on existing fence lines. Right now, there's this 4' picket fence that isn't helping. A 7' foot fence along the lot line would solve several of my problems.
OP, I'm sorry about your neighbor. One of mine had her elderly mom visiting, who decided that my side yard was too weedy and went to work. She hacked down about half of my onions before her daughter stopped her. Since the mom is 87 and not really in her right mind, I let it go. I hope that I have that sort of energy at that age.
Since I am going to be here for awhile, I'm saving for a 7' privacy fence, and code does allow it on existing fence lines. Right now, there's this 4' picket fence that isn't helping. A 7' foot fence along the lot line would solve several of my problems.
Good fences make good neighbors. Too bad fences are so expensive, though. You can cut costs by using pre-fab lattice fencing from Home Depot or wherever, then sinking as many posts as you need, and attaching the lattice units. It doesn't give you 100% privacy, but it keeps the neighbors out.
In your words, "It's not pretty but it could be worse."
Sounds like an eyesore to me.
Yes, ignore everything else I wrote and focus on that one sentence .
No, it's not as beautiful as it was before, but it is not terrible either. Don't you think if it were an EYESORE, the city, who have stopped by at least three times over the past month to check on the yard RIGHT next to ours would have fined us?? Use some logic!
The thing in Arizona that most of you probably don't get is that most people don't have lush green lawns like in other parts of the country. Five houses on my street have grass (including mine), four have gravel/rock landscaping and three have dirt, JUST DIRT, with desert plants. While my yard may stand out boldly and negatively in someplace like the PNW or the Midwest where it RAINS often and EVERYTHING is green and EVERY house has a lush green lawn, our patchy dirt yard blends in just fine. People don't even notice or care.
ETA: You realize there is middle ground between stunning and eyesore? Between beautiful and hideous, between spectacular and abysmal right?
Last edited by Pennies4Penny; 06-06-2015 at 02:35 PM..
RE: the bolded--that's a sign of narcissism. And the underlined--freaky! Also narcissism, but taken to an extreme. Wow, I would be way too uncomfortable with someone like that to spend any time with them. She comes across (from this description) like a borderline loony tune.
I wouldn't call her a loony tune, but she does seem have certain "rules" missing in her head. She's fairly intelligent, but has these odd ways about her. I know it isn't just with me. For example, she has another friend who is also about my age (in my mid-fifties) who has custody of and is raising a child not related to her. It's a long story, but the kid is the daughter of a young woman this other friend let stay in her home when she was a teenager. She's messed up--drugs or something--and this friend has given the little girl a stable home for the past few years. Well, my older friend can't stand it that this other woman is raising that little girl and tells the woman that she has no business raising that kid and why doesn't she call CPS and have them come get this kid and put her in foster care because that's where this kid belongs. Then she tells me that she doesn't understand why the other friend doesn't want to hang out with her as much as she used to.
She has also mentioned other friends she has had in her life that stopped calling her or don't get in touch with her anymore, and she recently was upset because one of these people died six months ago and the woman's daughter didn't let her know. It sounds to me as if she has alienated people in her past, and it may just be because of what she says and her intrusiveness into other people's business.
She does seem to realize things sometimes if you tell her bluntly. For example, because we live in the same complex (we are both on our condo association board) she cannot get to her house without passing mine. So she'll mention to me that she drove by at such and such a time and my car wasn't there--where was I? She'll call and ask if I came from work late last night because she noticed my car wasn't there at the usual time. Or if I took a day off work, she would be at my front door, grinning, "You didn't tell me you were taking a day off" and then proceed to grill me about why I took off and what I intended to do that day, trying to insert herself into the day too, of course. I kept trying to be polite, like the OP, but it doesn't work with these people.
Finally, I was working on a project at an airport 60 miles from home last year and they gave me a rental car to use for travel, so my car was home for several days but I was not. She kept calling leaving messages asking me why my car was home but I didn't answer the door, and I ignored her calls because I was working long hours, but finally I called her back and she used the excuse that she was concerned that perhaps I was sick, but she's really just NOSY. At that point I told her that I was starting to feel as if I had a stalker with her constant tabs on me, and since then, she's backed off somewhat from that nonsense.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 06-06-2015 at 02:45 PM..
Yes, ignore everything else I wrote and focus on that one sentence .
No, it's not as beautiful as it was before, but it is not terrible either. Don't you think if it were an EYESORE, the city, who have stopped by at least three times over the past month to check on the yard RIGHT next to ours would have fined us?? Use some logic!
The thing in Arizona that most of you probably don't get is that most people don't have lush green lawns like in other parts of the country. Five houses on my street have grass (including mine), four have gravel/rock landscaping and three have dirt, JUST DIRT, with desert plants. While my yard may stand out boldly and negatively in someplace like the PNW or the Midwest where it RAINS often and EVERYTHING is green and EVERY house has a lush green lawn, our patchy dirt yard blends in just fine. People don't even notice or care.
ETA: You realize there is middle ground between stunning and eyesore? Between beautiful and hideous, between spectacular and abysmal right?
But you don't have grass, or desert landscaping, or dirt with desert plants. You have dirt with weeds. That sure sounds awful to me. How about posting some pics so we can all decide for ourselves whether or not it's an eyesore?
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