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Have you reached out to the sister who keeps her distance from the parents? It might be great for both siblings - and you. Chances are that the reason she doesn't talk to them is the same controlling behavior from her mom.
Your husband is a coward and you MIL a witch. He should have told his mother that she was way out of line and to ****. Unless he stands up to her, she'll make your life miserable. Also, stand up for yourself. Don't let that old cow intimidate you.
I agree to this one.
I am sorry you have to go through this and I think just for keeping your cool, you must be a great person. I would have told them to **** off the first time she offended me and give her a reason to be mad.
You didn't cause this. If you guys would have had children, she would be the grandmother from hell and interfer with raising your kids.
There isn't really much you can do other than staying away from her. If the rest of the family agrees to her tantrums, they are no better. They should know her well enough to know she is nuts.
Have you reached out to the sister who keeps her distance from the parents? It might be great for both siblings - and you. Chances are that the reason she doesn't talk to them is the same controlling behavior from her mom.
We have...we stay in close contact with her and she sees exactly what I see. She seems their mother as controlling and a spoiled child who has to have everything her way immediately. She has cut off all ties with them with good reason. They didn't like it so when they drove back to Texas from New England, they stopped off in her state to see her even though she made it clear that she didn't want to see them. They proceeded to break into her house and when they learned from her roommate that she wasn't there and that she wanted them to leave, the phoned a nearby cousin and found out where she worked and showed up there. She made them leave and said that their actions that day solidified her decision to stay away from them.
At times, my husband is sympathetic to his sister's issues with their parents, but then other times, he feels she is just overreacting. I know it's gotta be a struggle realize that the people who raised you aren't normal. I just wish he would open his eyes a little see the situation for the gray that it is rather than black and white.
Have you reached out to the sister who keeps her distance from the parents? It might be great for both siblings - and you. Chances are that the reason she doesn't talk to them is the same controlling behavior from her mom.
I agree.
I am curious about you and your husband's ages. Sometimes, when a son doesn't get married until he is a little older his parents have fantasized for so many years about his "perfect wife" and their "perfect DIL" and their "perfect life" and all of the "perfect grandchildren" that absolutely no one can live up to their lofty dreams.
Or, they could just be self-centered control freaks.
I am so sorry that is happening to you and your husband.
I am curious about you and your husband's ages. Sometimes, when a son doesn't get married until he is a little older his parents have fantasized for so many years about his "perfect wife" and their "perfect DIL" and their "perfect life" and all of the "perfect grandchildren" that absolutely no one can live up to their lofty dreams.
Or, they could just be self-centered control freaks.
I am so sorry that is happening to you and your husband.
Oh wow...I never thought of that. My husband is 42 and I am 35. We married when he was 38 and I was 31.
Your husband needs to stand up to his mother and outright tell her: "Mom, this is my wife, the woman who I intend to spend the rest of my life with! Don't talk to my wife like that!!! You got a problem, talk to me, but I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE **** EVER AGAIN!!!"
We have...we stay in close contact with her and she sees exactly what I see. She seems their mother as controlling and a spoiled child who has to have everything her way immediately. She has cut off all ties with them with good reason. They didn't like it so when they drove back to Texas from New England, they stopped off in her state to see her even though she made it clear that she didn't want to see them. They proceeded to break into her house and when they learned from her roommate that she wasn't there and that she wanted them to leave, the phoned a nearby cousin and found out where she worked and showed up there. She made them leave and said that their actions that day solidified her decision to stay away from them.
At times, my husband is sympathetic to his sister's issues with their parents, but then other times, he feels she is just overreacting. I know it's gotta be a struggle realize that the people who raised you aren't normal. I just wish he would open his eyes a little see the situation for the gray that it is rather than black and white.
I find you are very mature and realistic.
Don't let your relationship break up over the craziness of the parents. Stay strong!
I am curious about you and your husband's ages. Sometimes, when a son doesn't get married until he is a little older his parents have fantasized for so many years about his "perfect wife" and their "perfect DIL" and their "perfect life" and all of the "perfect grandchildren" that absolutely no one can live up to their lofty dreams.
Or, they could just be self-centered control freaks.
I am so sorry that is happening to you and your husband.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TxHeather
Oh wow...I never thought of that. My husband is 42 and I am 35. We married when he was 38 and I was 31.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TxHeather
My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years and during that time, my relationship has seemed to implode with his parents.
Before we even got engaged, my husband and I discussed children and jointly decided that we did not want to be parents. We decided that I would get my tubes tied and that would be that. The surgery happened a couple of months into our marriage and his parents found out when they came over to our house unannounced while I was recovering and my husband let it slip that I had surgery. That was strike 1 for me. His mother was infuriated that I was not giving her son children or her and her husband grandchildren. She cried and got upset and wanted to know why we didn't talk to them about it before we went and had the surgery. I tried to be understanding and let it go.
While, I completely agree that the decision whether or not to have children is 100% up to the husband and wife, I can tell you that grandchildren are very, very important to some people. Especially, with their son waiting until he was in his late 30s to get married it is possible that his parents built up their expectations very high over the years. When they found out that he was marrying a woman young enough to have children their expectations probably just got bigger and bigger but their long awaited dream for grandchildren was dashed when they discovered that you voluntarily were sterilized.
To them it may have been like slapping them in the face and saying "well, your son is 'good enough' to marry but your genes are not 'good enough' for me to want to perpetuate your line."
His parents may have reacted totally different if their son was the one who was sterilized and said "Mom and Dad, we decided that I was too old to be a good father (or some other reason that focused on him not you)".
Obviously, you can not do anything about what happened in the past, but it really was unfortunate that they found out about the whole decision regarding children so soon after you were married. And, that it was a permanent decision. Maybe if they had grown to love and respect and know better you first their reaction may have been different.
I agree with the other posters that your husband needs to take the lead in dealing with his parents. And, he may need to choose between them and you.
Ever watch the show Mike & Molly? The character of his mother is a complete nightmare, sounds like your MIL... everything happening to her, never taking any responsibility and on and on. Empower yourself, it will be a 24/7 job. You and your husband MUST have a united front.
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