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My mother-in-law is in a hospital in upstate New York. She has been battling multiple sclerosis for over 40 years. She was brought to hospital late last week with pain and breathing difficulty. My wife went up there this morning to be with her.
She was hooked up to breathing tubes yesterday. They say she can live that way for about two weeks. My wife asked about a tracheotomy. The doctors say the likelihood is she winds up in a "facility" which I know would not be acceptable to my mother-in-law, wife or my stepfather-in-law. The discussion is running about whether there is any quality of life. So I think the outlook is for her to pass away shortly.
My older son is in college in Pennsylvania, has a car and can drive to the funeral. My younger son is a high-functioning college student on the autistic spectrum in college in New England, about a three hour drive from where I am now and where my younger son is.
I am pitching this to the board as to whether I should stay put and wait for the death or go straight up to my wife. The logic of staying put is to pick up my younger son for the funeral, which tends to be close in time to the death in my religion, Judaism.
I doubt your son would be allowed to miss a lot of classes. Best if he put his college professors on alert that a death is likely. Go get him when it's time, not before.
If you think your wife will be honest with you, and not be hurt by the question, then just ask her what she wants you to do.
But, showing up couldn't be a wrong decision, IMO. It might mean you end up traveling back and forth. But, your wife will remember you came to her side.
But, different relationships are different. Only you know your wife here.
Now. You need to be there to support your wife. She needs you.
I agree. If at all possible you need to be with your wife. If your son is not able to drive to the funeral himself, and it is difficult for you or another relative to drive to pick him up, perhaps a friend of his can take him to the funeral.
Is your MIL alert? If yes, perhaps it would be more important for your son to be able to say "Good bye" to his grandmother than to attend the funeral, if he can not do both.
Please clarify how far away your wife & MIL are from where your son goes to college (as that may make a difference).
Go be with your wife now. Your sons can get to the funeral on their own (if the autism spectrum one needs help with travel for some reason, ask your other son to help him).
It's more important for you to be with your wife than worrying about whether your sons will get there.
My mother-in-law is in a hospital in upstate New York. She has been battling multiple sclerosis for over 40 years. She was brought to hospital late last week with pain and breathing difficulty. My wife went up there this morning to be with her.
She was hooked up to breathing tubes yesterday. They say she can live that way for about two weeks. My wife asked about a tracheotomy. The doctors say the likelihood is she winds up in a "facility" which I know would not be acceptable to my mother-in-law, wife or my stepfather-in-law. The discussion is running about whether there is any quality of life. So I think the outlook is for her to pass away shortly.
My older son is in college in Pennsylvania, has a car and can drive to the funeral. My younger son is a high-functioning college student on the autistic spectrum in college in New England, about a three hour drive from where I am now and where my younger son is.
I am pitching this to the board as to whether I should stay put and wait for the death or go straight up to my wife. The logic of staying put is to pick up my younger son for the funeral, which tends to be close in time to the death in my religion, Judaism.
My mother-in-law is in a hospital in upstate New York. She has been battling multiple sclerosis for over 40 years. She was brought to hospital late last week with pain and breathing difficulty. My wife went up there this morning to be with her.
She was hooked up to breathing tubes yesterday. They say she can live that way for about two weeks. My wife asked about a tracheotomy. The doctors say the likelihood is she winds up in a "facility" which I know would not be acceptable to my mother-in-law, wife or my stepfather-in-law. The discussion is running about whether there is any quality of life. So I think the outlook is for her to pass away shortly.
My older son is in college in Pennsylvania, has a car and can drive to the funeral. My younger son is a high-functioning college student on the autistic spectrum in college in New England, about a three hour drive from where I am now and where my younger son is.
I am pitching this to the board as to whether I should stay put and wait for the death or go straight up to my wife. The logic of staying put is to pick up my younger son for the funeral, which tends to be close in time to the death in my religion, Judaism.
Thoughts?
Depends on what your wife wants, and whether you want to say a final goodbye before your MIL passes away. If all that is okay, it may be best to stay put so you can pick up your son. (I don't understand the religion reference.)
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