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Thank you. I feel like some of the advice I've received here is basically saying this isn't serious. It may not be a threat at all, but people are murdered every day for not taking things seriously, so I'm just trying to protect myself based on the info I've heard from people I trust.
What unnerves me is the fact that he seems to keep such a close eye on me that he knows when I'm in town and when I'm not. And that he knows the name of my dog, which he must have overheard me talking to my dog to find that out. Who knows what he's capable of (GPS tracker attached to my car, somehow getting into my building and waiting for me, etc)? I think I have enough info to be worried even if he is harmless. This behavior is just not ok with me. I was just looking for some advice as to what to do, and I think the best solution is to start by talking to the parents myself, and bringing a neighbor along maybe.
I think you are wise to be careful. Your neighbors asked him to leave because he gave them a bad feeling as well as you. Trust your gut and be cautious. It might not be a bad idea to let others in your building know about the situation as well so that no one inadvertently lets him in. You could phrase it as, "this may be nothing but just in case, I wanted to let you know...." The more people who have eyes on the situation the less likely he'll be able to get close to you if that is his intent.
I am living in Atlanta, GA. I live in a condo building with a shared gated yard. Some new neighbors just moved to the house next door, and their adult son is living in the carriage house out back. One of my neighbors alerted me that the son has been asking people in my building about me. He knows my dog's name, he knows what time I leave for work in the morning, what time I get home, he described an outfit I was wearing, and he noted that I was "out of town last weekend" (I was). He's been told to leave our gated courtyard by at least one of my neighbors in my building, telling him it was private property and he needed to leave (the courtyard isn't locked). They said it seems like his social "norms" are warped and he must have some mental disability/disorder of some sort.
This guy MAY be harmless but I'm also being overly cautious because I don't know the guy, his history, or intentions and it's just creepy to know someone is watching you that closely and you've never even seen him before.
Do you think this calls for a restraining order? Or me sending someone over to talk to his parents about it and let them know if this continues, I will be getting a restraining order against their son? What should I do? I don't want to make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, but honestly who knows what else this guy knows about me or how close he's watching me, and it could be dangerous so I'm being cautious.
Thank you!
If he IS developmentally disabled or even mentally ill, that type of obsessive behavior and attention to detail is not unusual. However, I agree that it is totally creepy and not okay. I hope his parents have a good handle on him. It sounds like he should be living WITH them in the house, not in the carriage house out back. That way, they could keep a better eye on him. It's possible they know what he does but also know he is harmless, so they don't think much of it, not realizing that everyone else doesn't know that he's harmless. It's also possible they don't know how obsessive he is and what he does, and it's also possible they're in total denial.
So yes, I think talking to them is the first step. I would definitely bring someone with you, though. It's true that you need to be careful around people like this man. Good luck!
I certainly wouldn't assume someone who is mentally challenged is harmless. I also don't assume anyone is harmless. The world is full of loons! Unfortunately, they don't wear a sign that announces to the world that they are out of this world.
Stalking is defined as when someone does any of the following without your permission for the purpose of “harassing or intimidating” you:
follows you;
places you under surveillance; or
contacts you (in person, by phone, email, computer or other electronic device, etc.).*
“Harassing or intimidating” you means that the stalker does repeated acts that cause you emotional distress by placing you in reasonable fear for your safety or the safety of a member of your immediate family (and the acts serve no legitimate purpose). There does not have to be a specific threat of death or bodily injury.*
I could get a protective order out against him based on one of those things alone. I won't yet, because I want to talk to his parents first, but I could if it comes to it.
No, you cannot get a restraining order just because you feel like it, which is what this thread amounts to. You do not know that his purpose is harassing or intimidating. You don't even know if he is special needs because you have not had the courtesy or decency to speak to his parents. You do not have reasonable fear for your safety because he has never even spoken to you or looked at you with malice.
An adult would speak to his parents about this, instead of tying up the courts and the police as a first resort.
No, you cannot get a restraining order just because you feel like it, which is what this thread amounts to. You do not know that his purpose is harassing or intimidating. You don't even know if he is special needs because you have not had the courtesy or decency to speak to his parents. You do not have reasonable fear for your safety because he has never even spoken to you or looked at you with malice.
An adult would speak to his parents about this, instead of tying up the courts and the police as a first resort.
Ehh, I don't know about that. This guy who just moved in knows an awful lot about her for someone who's never even spoken to her before. And he's going around her by asking others about her, as well as apparently watching her movements, and not approaching her. It's definitely unnerving, at the least. While it's premature now to go to the police at this time, it's definitely not a bad idea to be cautious and aware of him and what he knows.
Ehh, I don't know about that. This guy who just moved in knows an awful lot about her for someone who's never even spoken to her before. And he's going around her by asking others about her, as well as apparently watching her movements, and not approaching her. It's definitely unnerving, at the least. While it's premature now to go to the police at this time, it's definitely not a bad idea to be cautious and aware of him and what he knows.
All of that behavior is consistent with someone being on the autism spectrum--focusing on her and not realizing that asking neighbors about her is weird and inappropriate. It seems like someone who meant the OP harm would be a little more sneaky.
I don't blame the OP for being creeped out. But her first step should definitely be taking someone with her and talking to the parents.
I agree, contact the parents, and if they do not take your concerns seriously, call your local police substation and make inquiries as to your options.
Ehh, I don't know about that. This guy who just moved in knows an awful lot about her for someone who's never even spoken to her before. And he's going around her by asking others about her, as well as apparently watching her movements, and not approaching her. It's definitely unnerving, at the least. While it's premature now to go to the police at this time, it's definitely not a bad idea to be cautious and aware of him and what he knows.
I agree with the OP that ANY male neighbor keeping such close tabs on her sends up red flags. It's obvious that he is "attracted" to her, and his behavior is not normal and could be potentially dangerous. Maybe you could ask the neighbors who told you about it to accompany you when you speak to the parents.
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