The problem of women saying they don't like having lots of girlfriends. (feel, boyfriend)
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As for women owing other women. I agree with this to a degree. Any group that is in a one-down position would do well to try to support one another toward reform. But, this does not include turning against other groups. Indeed the support of members from the group in the one-up position is invaluable.
I can see that. The women who do the Call Your Girlfriend podcast call it the "Shine Theory"--if one woman shines we all do.
I apologize if this is not the right forum to say this, but it is something that I and I am sure many others have noticed. Namely women that say "I don't really have a lot of girlfriends because I don't get along with other women" "I am not like other girls (as if other girls are somehow "bad")" "I have lots more guy friends than girlfriends" etc. etc. ad nauseum.
It's really sad. For one most do it just to look "cool" for guys, then internalize it and blow off other women even though they could be great friends! It's fine to have guys as friends, but as a general rule it works better if the friends women have are more women than men, to me if I meet a woman that says any of the above or has more guy friends I don't trust her.
Not to get political, but we live in an age where women more than ever should be helping and supporting each other, we should always support other women and come together in sisterhood. Yet it's really sad how so many feel it's a kind of badge of honor to say "I'm not like other girls/women". Anyone else feel the same?
I do not agree at all with you. You have an idea about what friendship means to you, and you cannot expect everyone to feel like you. So I am the type you are describing. So now, that makes me feel comfortable. So now I'm supposed to take your advice and do something I am not comfortable with just to fit in some kind of mold that you have decided we all should be that way? I think that would make me fake. So we should all we the way we want to be. Friendships are not some forced relationship, its who you naturally want to be with.
Now, speaking practically, what would i have in common with a bunch of women that i really dont want to be around, but to be politically correct or something. I'd feel fake. I'd be talking about makeup, jewelry, fashions, etc. but i would have nothing to contribute. So i would not want to further be with these women.
I dont do what i "should" do, i do what I want, and i choose who i respond to, like my supervisor at work. i "should" do what she says, but thats ok because if i want to continue working, i owe her my best work.
As for what I do on my free time, no i do not wish to be a fake friend to women just because someone else thinks i should.. Nope, I am a free bird. Thanks for listening You have good intentions, but they are misguided and wont work for those who dont choose that path of friendship.
BTW at my job there is one dept that is all women. when i pass them by i hear them talking about shoes and fashions. blech! i would not survive that department. I always loved having male bosses for some reason, they are easy going and just plain, and i never had to play games with them, like you do with women. i now have a female boss but fortunately we are getting along, but at first i was worrried. She depends on me so that may be why.
When i went to church, they had different bible classes, and they had a women's group, i went once or twice and i coudln't stand it. the teacher was a kind of personality i didn't like. i didn't have anything in common, so i went to a co-ed class, the teacher was a male, he was great! i never got into the women's outings or whatever, i just never felt like i needed other women to be whatever the others felt in that group. it weirded me out.
back in 1990 - 2005, i went out dancing, ONLY to the gay clubs, i hated the womens'-only clubs, they were no fun. they did not dance, they were just there to meet other women.. i was so bored.. i never got into it. so off i went to my fave gay mens' club and had a blast.
i went to my high school reunioon and found out a lot of my other fellow classmates (female) felt the same as me about choosing men friends, feeling more in tune with them. They are great as platonic friends.
Last edited by ChicagoMeO; 02-20-2017 at 02:53 PM..
It's great seeing that I am getting some support. The sad thing is the women here saying "I just have more guy friends" in reality have their own internalized misogyny that makes them not be good friends with other women. We need to come together and combat the patriarchy which causes just this sort of thing. Instead of siding with your sisters women think it's safer and easier to side with the enemy, they are no better than collaborators in any other war.
I don't "side with" anyone and I don't believe that I have any enemies. We are not at war with the opposite sex. The tone this post is very condescending. And bizarre. I have no misogyny, that would be like hating myself. As an intelligent woman who is not particularly feminine, who's worked hard to be taken seriously in my mostly male career path, it just happens that my personality is such that I don't "click with" most other women. I make friends with nice people with whom I have the most in common. I don't check between their legs first.
I still think this is a life stage thing. Maybe I'm showing my age, but it hasn't been until the last couple of years that I have had time for relationships outside my family. My husband, children, and extended family are the core of my social engagement. Even today, my phone time is spent with my mom & dad and in-laws, checking in on them and making sure that everything is okay. I go to coffee with a dear friend maybe once every couple of weeks, but otherwise, it's been family, household, and part-time work, where I was there to do a job, not socialize.
I guess I'm just not seeing why this is such an issue for the OP and such a contentious one ("taking sides"). People just like and click with whom they like and click with. I don't think most of us really make a conscious decision about that...
I had a friend just like this and would always tell me how bad, catty, b***hy women can be. I ignored that at first but then the red flags started to surface. She herself was mean as hell and she yelled at an autistic girl once. A few nights ago she screamed at me over the phone and I hung up on her. Other women weren't the problem, she was. I haven't spoken to her since but she keeps texting me.
Right, the notion that women can't be friends because they're not loyal or supportive or reliable or kind is just bull. If you don't know any women like that, then I'm sorry for you.
^^^This. If the only women you know sit around talking about fashion and makeup and jewelry, find other women you have things in common with. They are out there, especially considering how many women here are saying they're "not like other women". I find it disingenuous that so many here are using this excuse for the reason they gravitate toward men.
Why should we have to go in search of women we have things in common with if we already have friends? "Disingenuous"? "Excuse"? The implication is that we're doing something wrong that we have to justify to someone.
^^^This. If the only women you know sit around talking about fashion and makeup and jewelry, find other women you have things in common with. They are out there, especially considering how many women here are saying they're "not like other women". I find it disingenuous that so many here are using this excuse for the reason they gravitate toward men.
No woman is required to "give an excuse" about why she gravitates towards men, or why she prefers male friends. What you are reading here are explanations, not "excuses" - because they don't owe you one. These women can do whatever they damn well please. They don't have to make excuses, ask anyone's permission or anything else. They can make their own choice of who they want to be friends with, or don't.
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You have good intentions, but they are misguided and wont work for those who dont choose that path of friendship.