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even if she eventually capitulated and he got her how good of a feeling for him would that even be? It seems like the worst kind of consolation prize to me. And incredibly masochistic!
Man, fourteen pages later and I'm going all the way back to OP. Who has time to read all the drama in the middle. RE:
That was first post, huh.
How about four sentences: female friend, funny dynamic between attraction and friend zone. Dynamics always change over time (20 years). One wants more, other wants to spare feelings, one feels lied-to, other gets on with life like a normal person with normal romantic relationships with (fe/male) partner. One is crushed and confused, does not apparently understand the Ladder Theory paradigm or similar.
Walk away, consider her fondly in your memories and wish her well. You've been kicked into the abyss, she's toying with you because that's what "nice" people do. Don't prolong the pain, that's all you're doing. You are wasting your valuable time pining away when the world is filled with eligible women.
Move along, find a nice lady and set from the get-go that you're not going to be "friends". There are ways to do that on first date that set the rules moving forward. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Man, fourteen pages later and I'm going all the way back to OP. Who has time to read all the drama in the middle. RE:
That was first post, huh.
How about four sentences: female friend, funny dynamic between attraction and friend zone. Dynamics always change over time (20 years). One wants more, other wants to spare feelings, one feels lied-to, other gets on with life like a normal person with normal romantic relationships with (fe/male) partner. One is crushed and confused, does not apparently understand the Ladder Theory paradigm or similar.
Walk away, consider her fondly in your memories and wish her well. You've been kicked into the abyss, she's toying with you because that's what "nice" people do. Don't prolong the pain, that's all you're doing. You are wasting your valuable time pining away when the world is filled with eligible women.
Move along, find a nice lady and set from the get-go that you're not going to be "friends". There are ways to do that on first date that set the rules moving forward. Lather, rinse, repeat.
End of story, 250 words vs. 2000.
Perfect advice. The sad thing is, OP probably has a girl (friend) who would move heaven and earth to be with him. She loves him secretly from the sidelines. But he's preoccupied. So while his heart is hurting over some girl, some other girl is hurting over him. Sigh.
P.S. Intellectual W*o*e sums it up pretty concisely.
First post here and hoping in the right spot for this. Just wanted to throw this out to the masses and see what kind of feedback I get. Thoughts?
I think she was trying to hang on to you so she wouldn't wind up lonely if the other guy didn't work out. And she wound up getting engaged to him anyway, because she's basically weak-willed in the companionship department. And she doesn't like sticky confrontations it looks like. But.... you found out and....
You threw down the gauntlet and she called your bluff. It's over.
It's so obvious that she saw you just as a friend. You eventually wanted more than a friendship. Nothing wrong with that. You told her how you felt. Both of you stayed together and kept seeing and talking to each other. You should have been the one to cut it off to spare your own feelings. Because she didn't have the same feelings you had she wasn't going to stop seeing you.
You were giving her the option to stay friends and continue to see each other because of not pressuring her. She didn't want to lose the friend part of your relationship. Maybe you saw it as a sign that she might change her mind.
Now, if the relationship she is in doesn't work, you will be more than willing to accept her back. She will still look at you as a friend, and you will still be hoping for more. This is not a good position for you to be in. You need to move on and forget her.
foggy you don't need to answer but I'll ask if you want to answer.
How old are you? I am not commenting your age either way but just curious.
I'll answer any question as long as I don't think it's too invasive.
That said, I'll say this: I'm well past college years and a full blown adult. That's why I keep saying this isn't that big a deal. Most rational adults should understand that when you spend a lot of time and constant contact with someone bonds and feelings develop overtime. That's the way it's supposed to go. I just felt we were too close for not being in *that* kind of relationship and I wanted to take some time away from it.
For those people that don't/can't/won't understand that I'm under no obligation to keep explaining it. Lol I don't have that kind of time. (This part isn't a shot at you, it's a general statement.)
Wanted to comment on your eBay thing too, but that has to wait. Gotta go do some things. Check back later...
I'll answer any question as long as I don't think it's too invasive.
That said, I'll say this: I'm well past college years and a full blown adult. That's why I keep saying this isn't that big a deal. Most rational adults should understand that when you spend a lot of time and constant contact with someone bonds and feelings develop overtime. That's the way it's supposed to go. I just felt we were too close for not being in *that* kind of relationship and I wanted to take some time away from it.
For those people that don't/can't/won't understand that I'm under no obligation to keep explaining it. Lol I don't have that kind of time. (This part isn't a shot at you, it's a general statement.)
Wanted to comment on your eBay thing too, but that has to wait. Gotta go do some things. Check back later...
Thanks for your reply. I greened you with my ebay ID if you want to look up my sales which are $538 for the last two months. But we've been trying to buy a home so been pre-occupied. Mark up is 50%+ so my actual profit is about $260 month but it suffices me fine. Make a little $$ on Craigslist too. Work on my online "businesses" mostly while on the clock with my usual job....usually later at night between 10-11pm twice per week. Ship items from home. Very duplicatable if you want to know how it works in with my other job. Or alone. I also sell on Amazon but there is no feature built in to show you my monthly sales
Last edited by SierraCountyMtnBiker; 09-29-2017 at 01:48 PM..
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