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Old 03-24-2008, 11:41 AM
 
5,640 posts, read 17,271,712 times
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Avoidance.

And please research sociopaths, borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Many "control freaks" have one of these wrong with them.
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:14 AM
 
1 posts, read 2,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaggieZ View Post
Avoid and ignore the person as much as possible, there is no way you can cure that type person. they'll suck the life out of you.
Go the other direction, do all you can to avoid him/her. Seriously there's no other way, you can try talking till you're blue in the face. The unhappiness is within them, not you. But they'll drag you down every given chance. It has nothing to do with age, they're in all walks of life too.
I agree with this compeletely. i have this huge problem with my SIL....my twin brothers wife. I had to disassociate completely from her becasue she's so toxic and poisonous in my life. For some reason everything I do she copies, her home is decorated EXACTLY as mine is..she started to dress the same as me. Whenever I speak she uses my jokes or things I say as her own and repeats them to others even if i'm around. My friends have to become HER friends. She buys my friends so they'll love her and want her around. She tries to control everything I do to suit her needs. I feel so insecure and my self esteem has gone so low that I feel crippled each day. She's manipulative, controlling. Everytime I mention something that i'm going to buy she has to go out before me and buy it. If i tell her i'm thinking about getting red highlights put in my hair she runs out the next day and gets them done. It's unbelievable. I can't have my own life. Why do i keep her around you may ask? well it's for my nephew becasue I feel so sorry for him. YOu see my brother hates her and wants to leave her but feels conflicted because of his son/my nephew. She's making me crazy literally. I've asked her in the past to try and stop the comparing and she's only turned around to tell me i'm jealous of her and jealous of the fact that she can have my friends be her own. I'm not jealous one bit.....and thats the whole truth. I know exactly why she does what she does...she doesnt care to have more friends in her life it's because they're MY friends. She cant stand the fact that I can have anything in my life she has to make it her mission to have everyone and everything that i have in my life in her life. It's a total game to her. Even my friends that she's won over she talks about them all the time in the negative...ie: their clothes are ugly, their weird etc...but yet she has to have them around just to show me that she has to be bigger and better than me. so now I'm done with it. It's been over 15 years that she's been doing this to me and i'm done with it. I stopped talking with her about 2 weeks ago. and i have to say my life hasnt felt better. I finally feel that i've gotten control back and I've been so happy these past 2 weeks without her in my life. Totally revivied. It hasnt been easy since she is family and there are times when i know she's trying to organize a dinner or something and she did invite me on Saturday but I said I didnt know what I was doing and didnt go. My husband was quite proud of me for finally sticking up for myself and allowing her to put me under her thumb. i know it's her thats going to miss me in her life. sorry for the long msg...thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 08-13-2008, 01:30 PM
 
473 posts, read 1,365,675 times
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I have a toxic person too - I call her my chameleon. She changes to suit whomever she's with. You like classic rock, she does. He likes hip hop, she does too.

I've tried avoidance. I've asked her not to contact me - it falls on deaf ears. I have her email & phone number blocked, but unfortunately she finds ways to get to me - usually using others. I think she's driving me crazy on purpose.

We met under difficult circumstances, but even if that hadn't have happened, I still wouldn't be able to put up with her for long. She's been there, done that 100 times over, has oodles of unsolicited advice and opinions, and you can't tell who she's copying or who she really is at any given time.

I'll take any advice, too, on how to get rid of a pest. Preferably legal...
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Old 08-13-2008, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Arizona, The American Southwest
51,758 posts, read 29,818,561 times
Reputation: 90824
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotleyCrew View Post
How does one get rid of toxic people in their life? Moved to a retirement spot and met a person that is absolutely overwhelming me. I can do nothing right and by the end of our conversation or visit, I feel suicidal (almost). Is critical of every inch of our lives and our business. Well, at best I feel like gum on the bottom the shoe.
Since I don't know the person you're talking about, nor do I know what kind of conversations you've had with this person, I'd say you can come back with a response like "Well we've done very well so far, so there's no reason to be critical of every inch of our lives.". Or simply be upfront and honest with him or her, and tell them that you apprieciate their concern, but we'll handle things the way we feel it should be handled.

Good luck.
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Old 08-13-2008, 04:40 PM
GLS
 
1,985 posts, read 4,834,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeabeeBolt View Post
"Kill Them With Kindness"
I agree with the first 50% of your proposal.
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Old 08-13-2008, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,809,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GLS View Post
I agree with the first 50% of your proposal.
Oooohh, nooooo! What if you have to commit suicide...?!
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Old 08-18-2008, 06:08 AM
 
Location: Houston TX
77 posts, read 214,190 times
Reputation: 51
If anyone can figure out how to get rid of a toxic person, please let me know!!

Mine is my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. She wants to be friends - well la-dee-da. She is nice to me when she has an audience, but when it's just her and I - venomous. She's at all of his family functions, hangs out with his friends, even lives in the same apt building. I can't deal with her because I think she's still after my boyfriend. And what does he do? NOTHING!

I am SO ready to just hand him over to her. As much as I have told him I am uncomfortable with her, he shrugs it off. I don't think it's worth the trouble anymore. Maybe the only way to get rid of her is to cut him loose.
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Old 08-18-2008, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,595 posts, read 35,198,839 times
Reputation: 14688
It's easy. Tell them to eff off and die.
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Old 08-18-2008, 07:57 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,943,020 times
Reputation: 1841
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance View Post
It's easy. Tell them to eff off and die.
wow...some pent up agression there Rance??
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Old 01-22-2009, 01:17 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,673 times
Reputation: 10
I can totally relate to your situation. I am in the same boat on the ex-girlfriend still in my boyfriend's life as a friend. My boyfreind and I have had some discussions regarding the ex-girlfriend and I have told him that I just cannot trust her, even though recently she has been trying to invite me out with her and her friend's for girl's nights. All I can think about is that I would rather shoot myself in the foot then go anywhere with the ex-girlfriend and her friends. So she is playing the kill me with kindness card right now, but my gut tells me she is a snake and that any bit of information she can get from me she will use it against me at some point in time. I have predominantly been avoiding her as best possible and am cordial when she invites me out. I do withstand the occasional brunch or party where she is invited along as well. It's very tough for me though. The unfortunate thing about guys I notice also is that they don't pick up on the subtle socio-political games women engage in with one-another. I think it's best to listen to yourself and how you feel and make your decisions based on what you feel most comfortable with regardless of what you boyfriend chooses to do. I don't think you should hand over your boyfriend to her, because they may not be what he wants ultimately. My boyfriend has made it clear to me that he wants to be with me, but that he still values her friendship as well, so it's a struggle. There are truly only three paths here:
1. Deal with it and hate it/make yourself miserable about it. 2. Deal with it and accept it/that does not mean sacrificing your happiness and serenity (example: if there is a function where she will be attending, then if you choose to go or not, make sure it is your choice and that it is supporting your serenity.) OR 3. You could terminate the relationship. I say this because it is a choice, but if it is not what you want, then don't do it. However, if you honestly feel that this will bring you the most serenity in your life then there is nothing wrong with this decision. I would feel things out with your boyfriend and be honest with him about your feelings regarding the situation before you really make this decision. In the meantime, I try to imagine that the ex-girlfriend will meet an amazing man in her life that will simply sweep her off of her feet and help her to move on. I wish you serenity in this situation because it can be torturous if you let it be. I love my guy and he loves me so I have to keep that as my main focus, regardless of the annoyances that life can bring.
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