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My answer is yes, absolutely.
I think you're tracking with normal behavior/thought/reasoning. I wonder if there was something you don't know about involved.
My wife has a sister she has not talked to in ten years who is in a hospital dying of cancer. I understand the sister will likely die within a month. The dying sister is in a hospital 500 miles away from where we live.
I asked my wife why she does not call her sister up on the phone or plan a trip to visit her. My wife said, "why should I, we have not talked to each other for the last ten years when she was well, why now?"
The sister dying of cancer and my wife never had a major blow up but just had a cold distant relationship. Nothing in common and their personalities did not match, so they just stopped communicating.
I don't know what to make of it. On one hand, if siblings don't talk to each other for ten years when they are healthy, maybe making an effort when one of them is dying is hypocritical. But maybe when someone is dying, that is a time to be an adult and make amends.
What about you? If you had a brother or sister you had such a distant cold relationship with that you had not talked to them in ten years, would you drive 500 miles to visit them at the hospital on their death bed?
No. There is a significant reason siblings would lose communication. Different personalities does not cut it as a good reason. They mutually chose to cut contact so they are out of each other's lives. It's crazy to choose now at this late time to have a relationship.
I don't care what my past was with my sibling. And I know that a last minute visit with that sibling on their deathbed doesn't make amends for anything. But I would forever be ashamed and disappointed with myself if I did not go to visit, and for me it's as simple as that. There are reasons that family members separate, sometime live a life of hatred towards each other. But once that person leaves the earth, it's over. I would visit for me as a acknowledgement that I always knew I had a sibling and not for some reason like rekindling the relationship at the last minute. And hopefully my sibling in their final hours might actually appreciate the gesture as their life comes to a close.
My wife has a sister she has not talked to in ten years who is in a hospital dying of cancer. I understand the sister will likely die within a month. The dying sister is in a hospital 500 miles away from where we live.
I asked my wife why she does not call her sister up on the phone or plan a trip to visit her. My wife said, "why should I, we have not talked to each other for the last ten years when she was well, why now?"
The sister dying of cancer and my wife never had a major blow up but just had a cold distant relationship. Nothing in common and their personalities did not match, so they just stopped communicating.
I don't know what to make of it. On one hand, if siblings don't talk to each other for ten years when they are healthy, maybe making an effort when one of them is dying is hypocritical. But maybe when someone is dying, that is a time to be an adult and make amends.
What about you? If you had a brother or sister you had such a distant cold relationship with that you had not talked to them in ten years, would you drive 500 miles to visit them at the hospital on their death bed?
Don't leave grudges in place, she should make amends, go visit her sister before she dies otherwise she will carry it as a burden forever after her sister passes.
My wife has a sister she has not talked to in ten years who is in a hospital dying of cancer. I understand the sister will likely die within a month. The dying sister is in a hospital 500 miles away from where we live.
I asked my wife why she does not call her sister up on the phone or plan a trip to visit her. My wife said, "why should I, we have not talked to each other for the last ten years when she was well, why now?"
The sister dying of cancer and my wife never had a major blow up but just had a cold distant relationship. Nothing in common and their personalities did not match, so they just stopped communicating.
I don't know what to make of it. On one hand, if siblings don't talk to each other for ten years when they are healthy, maybe making an effort when one of them is dying is hypocritical. But maybe when someone is dying, that is a time to be an adult and make amends.
What about you? If you had a brother or sister you had such a distant cold relationship with that you had not talked to them in ten years, would you drive 500 miles to visit them at the hospital on their death bed?
Personally, I wouldn't get involved. It's up to your wife and her sister, and it's no one else's business except theirs.
I do have a brother who has had nothing to do with our family for at least 40 years, his choice. I wouldn't go visit him unless he specifically asked me to. He knows how to contact me. Everyone does what makes them comfortable, including your wife and her sister.
Nope. No visits to my brother or sister unless they asked me to come. And financially, I really couldn't anyway. If they called, I would talk to them. But they made themselves so unpleasant to me, in different ways, prior to 2005.
If the wife will have no regrets and the sister in the hospital doesn't really care, well, then what's the point of visiting?
A phone call may be easier and help decide if a 500 mile trip is warranted. Although a phone call may be harder, since what does one say to an estranged family member when you've not talked to them for years and now they're dying?
Dying is inevitable, there's no getting out of it. Dying comfortably is the best you can hope for. The way I see it, dead isn't so bad, dying sucks though. But, that's just me, other folks will have other opinions. A lot of folks are all afraid of becoming dead and or being dead, so that will color things, too. If wife is really afraid of death, that could be another reason she'd not want to contact her dying sister.
As for the living, will there be regrets afterwards from either path? Will she feel better about herself later if she goes to visit? Or will that then change her memory of her sister from 'healthy but estranged' to 'dying person in a hospital'?
The other consideration is the attitude of the folks around the wife. If they are really negative about her not visiting her sister and they find out she didn't visit, then instead of regrets, she may experience loss of social standing.
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Make Amends
