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Well, if she wants to know what I think...bring the whole history.
Agreed.
Poster has a history of interpersonal conflicts and strange interpretations of other people's behaviours/motivations. Like something is lost in translation.
I had a falling out with my sister who lives out of state. I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her anymore and I didn't contact her. This was 5 years ago. She did visit my area with her family 3 years ago and used her kids to email me to set up a dinner. I went. And that was the last of it. It went fine. But I went because I felt bad to say no to the kids. They haven't been out since.
I just don't want to talk to her. She sent me an email saying that she will call the police if I don't talk to her at least 2 times a year. I know that it is BS that she can get the police involved legally, because I'm not sick and I am not crazy or wanting to kill myself. She brought it up a couple years ago, about calling the police and I said I'd contact the police about her. I've never been in a mental institution, or had a major illness or been suicidal. So it doesn't seem like a legit thing to do. Anyway, I don't want to respond, but I don't want the police showing up and making a scene or breaking the door down if I'm not home, so should I call the police in my city and let them know not to come out?
I don't understand your main problem with your sister, but if you re-read your thread as it is above, you will find that there is a silly thing that you both thinking of calling police for it. It's pretty funny! Don't be bother of my frankness but honestly, it's really silly for her to think of calling police because you don't call her, and you also think of calling police to avoid them of coming your home because of her threaten. I don't see a real problem here.
It seems that your sister loves you and very keen on keeping the brotherhood bonds with you, specially that she lives abroad, while you are not interested in this bonds.
All what she needs is 2 calls in a year? Why is it very hard for you to do?
Do you think that she has another purpose over it which makes you think of cutting her off?
I see to solve the conflicts between you and your sister cordially or amicably. This is a family issue, no need to interfere police in it.
And if your sister really executed her threaten by calling the police, it's OK, no problem, what will happen if they come to your home? If you don't do any thing wrong, nothing to worry about.
But DO NOT BE the one who call them first, I don't think this is a good idea, let her call them first if she wanted.
Also, DO NOT put a notice for police in order to avoid them of coming your home to check on you, because you don't really know what could happen specially if you are living alone. Imagine that you put a notice for them in order not to come your home, and during this period of time, coincidently you got extremely sick, and you would need someone to check on you, if you put a previous note, if any thing bad could happen, you will not find anyone beside you very soon.
Again try to solve the conflicts friendly, you need to be grateful that you have a sister that interested in you.
For the people advising reconciliation, I was inclined to support your statements as my extended family is very important to me, but ... I'm well versed in family estrangement (and reconciliation). The OP doesn't want a relationship. Sometimes you have an inciting event, but it comes on the heels of a lifetime of little disagreements and discomforts and disrespected boundaries. When you take into account the inciting incident and the threats to call the police prompting this post, the OP's sister is none too stable. However, maybe you tough out her crazy if you want a relationship with the nieces/nephews. I dunno.
I backed away from my relationship with my mother after I realized every time I was around her my stress and anxiety spiked, and I compared that with the joy and relaxation I get from my interactions with my friends and other relatives. There was a very minor inciting incident, but it was enough. What sealed it were the nasty letters she sent me afterwards that were intended to "persuade" me to come back to the relationship. Kind of like the OP's sister is doing by threatening to go to the cops.
OP, only you can know all of what's going on. Make your decisions based on that, not the idea that family should have relationships. What works best for you?
You have hit the nail on the head. My sister has pushed her opinions on what I should do with my life for years. Basically giving unsolicited advice in a condescending way. She has pointed out my IQ test as a child as 115 or 118, while hers were 125. She told me I should do certain occupations, because that is all I am good at.
She seems to really like me, but it is probably because I have bit my tongue so many times and tried to keep the mood good and fun.
I basically finally had enough. I kind of felt like hanging out with her was a duty, not something I enjoyed. She gave a few more put downs and that was enough.
Poster has a history of interpersonal conflicts and strange interpretations of other people's behaviours/motivations. Like something is lost in translation.
Why did you assemble my past post? I vent on here sometime. I thought that was harmless. I forgot about most of that stuff. This is an advice forum. Do you have any?
If she is harassing, threatening you, CALL AN ATTORNEY and have him/her send a letter calling for her to CEASE AND DESIST her behaviors. Of she does not stop, your atty can file harassment charges against her. You will have on record her behavior of harassing you in case the situation worsens...
She can contact you through your attorney.
If you have vm messages or letters with her comments it'd be helpful.
This in turn should prevent her from calling the police etc.
Anyway, I don't want to respond, but I don't want the police showing up and making a scene or breaking the door down if I'm not home, so should I call the police in my city and let them know not to come out?
Probably not. That's not exactly the best way to fly under the radar.
Check the welfare calls have to be investigated but somebody's mad sister isn't necessarily going to result in an automatic forced entry. If you are home, answer when they knock, step outside to talk to them so they can see you are rational & free from injury.
If you are not at home; police are more likely to question a landlord or neighbors as to if they have recently observed you coming & going. They will assess your residence from the outside for uncollected newspapers, mail, vehicles, lights left on, etc ... & if it simply appears as that the occupant is out, they will leave a card on your door for you to call when you return.
Call when you return; to avoid further intrusiveness.
Certain factors will result in a more pro-active approach: An employer calling about a no-call-no-show employee who is typically consistently reliable has resulted in forced entries. Calls about a medically unstable loved one who has not been seen in several days have also resulted in a forced entry.
Even calls from neighbors who have noticed that the elderly widow next door hasn't opened her curtains in the morning or turned off her porchlight have resulted in forced entries & unfortunately; these are many times warranted.
If you are simply at work or running errands; it won't raise any flags & you will have the opportunity to respond.
If you are home & happen to have a warrant out for your arrest, it won't be the best day of your week but that's about the worst case scenario I can imagine as resulting from a welfare check. That's why I said to step outside to speak with them. To say that you shouldn't be leaving baggies & scales in plain view is kind of obvious; if that's what you're worried about.
Poster has a history of interpersonal conflicts and strange interpretations of other people's behaviours/motivations. Like something is lost in translation.
If you are home & happen to have a warrant out for your arrest, it won't be the best day of your week but that's about the worst case scenario I can imagine as resulting from a welfare check. That's why I said to step outside to speak with them.
Why step outside?
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