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I will say this though. Our new cousins came and my mom says she hopes they invite us over there instead of us always inviting. But then they expected our cousins to always invite us until one day it stopped. She says that they are a bigger family so should have the responsibility of having us over there.
Your dad sat on his butt all these years and didn't do anything to find out why your "favorite" aunt and cousins dropped off the radar.
Your mom's logic is as faulty as yours.
I see where you get it from.
Now they're both content leaving it up to you to try to right the "wrongs" of the past. There very likely were no "wrongs" other than TIMES AND PEOPLE CHANGE.
It's pure drama to say you all were "snubbed" or "shunned." Your parents certainly participated by just letting it all slide.
I hope that you get some good times from meeting these "new" relatives. But expecting to relive the old days – as you saw them through the eyes of a young child – cannot and will not be duplicated. Now is now and yesterday is gone.
When some of these relatives "drop out" after the novelty of being contacted wanes and don't participate (as you imagine it in the nostalgic movie in your mind), will you be put out and vengeful then, too? Feel shunned?
Einhander, you really need some help with managing your expectations and reactions and I wish you would get it. Your parents obviously are no help.
OP seems to be "that guy" who can't take a hint, so he keeps pushing. He doesn't listen when people say no, because he is certain that if he just pushes a little harder he will get a yes. And if that doesn't work, he might just pay a personal visit. If the door is slammed in his face, well, they are still in the wrong, so maybe he will climb through the window and try to convince them face to face. When still he is rejected, he just may decide to teach them a lesson about why he is right and they are not.
He doesn't seem to have any brakes. That is frightening.
That could be. But here's the thing. They've snubbed us. There's lots of events during the year. If they don't want to see us on Christmas, they could at least offer somethingelse. You get what I'm saying? No effort or explanation done on their part. Our families have seen each other for 60 plus years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
So it is up to them... EVERY. SINGLE. TIME??? Really? That is insane. Your dad has taken them out one time in half a century and somehow it is their fault for not following up? It is no wonder that they stopped hosting. I would too if I were in their shoes.
Hmmm, their family hosted celebrations for fifty years and your father/family took them to dinner one time ? ! ? ! Surely, you can see how crazy that is? Surely, you can see how unfair that is? Surely, you can see how they could get upset about that?
For about 20 years my husband and I had an annual spring party for all of our friends and co-workers. Usually there were 30 to 40 people attending in our very small apartment/condo (a much smaller place than the big houses that most of our friends owned). We supplied all the food, all the wine & liquor and all the soft drinks. We were the ones who had to clean our house, get everything ready, and clean up after the party. When our kids were little we had to hire a babysitter to keep them occupied during the party. Everyone loved our parties and looked forward to them.
Guess what? Little by little those parties were not very much fun anymore for my husband and me. Why? Because our friends and co-workers rarely, if ever, reciprocated. In those 20 years, hubby's best friend John, hosted two or three parties and his other best friend George never hosted even one party (but occasionally invited us to dinner at his house). Both had attended almost every party that we gave for 20 years. My best friend Sue, gave one or two parties during the 15 years that she attended every year and my other friend Vicki never even hosted one party. Luckily, for a while hubby's boss gave a party almost every year but very few of his or my co-workers ever gave parties. And a few of our other party guests would reciprocate by inviting us to a dinner party or a picnic or a play or something like that (which was very nice).
We finally realized that our party was sometimes the only party that we attended during the previous six months or sometimes for the previous entire year. So we stopped hosting parties. For the first few years people kept asking us when we would hold our next party and we often said something like "We will schedule our next party after we attend your next party."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander
My mom says it's because they have a bigger immediate family than us, so they have to invite us.
Even if you only have two parents and one child and they have two parents and eight kids of course, you need to take turns hosting. Heck, I'm now a widow (obviously just one person) but I still invite my brother and his wife & my niece and her husband and their three children over to my house. Just because I'm a smaller "family" it does not mean that I should never invite relatives to my house or never take my turn.
Sheesh, if your parents never reciprocated, and even expected them to always host no wonder they stopped doing it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl
Just because your mom says doesn’t make it right. If you don’t reciprocate of course they are going to stop inviting you.
I agree. I can't see how you (and your parents) don't understand that?
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-23-2018 at 05:28 PM..
OP seems to be "that guy" who can't take a hint, so he keeps pushing. He doesn't listen when people say no, because he is certain that if he just pushes a little harder he will get a yes. And if that doesn't work, he might just pay a personal visit. If the door is slammed in his face, well, they are still in the wrong, so maybe he will climb through the window and try to convince them face to face. When still he is rejected, he just may decide to teach them a lesson about why he is right and they are not.
He doesn't seem to have any brakes. That is frightening.
You're making analogies and exaggerations but for the record, I have never knocked on their door and would not do those things that you are describing. I'm not the person some of you are painting of me.
Nobody has to invite anybody. You and mom need to quit with the entitled attitue.
No. Don't take what I'm saying out of context. All I'm saying is that from a practical standpoint, it would be more practical for the bigger family to invite the smaller family. Because it's less work that way.
Hmmm, their family hosted celebrations for fifty years and your father/family took them to dinner one time ? ! ? ! Surely, you can see how crazy that is? Surely, you can see how unfair that is? Surely, you can see how they could get upset about that?
For about 20 years my husband and I had an annual spring party for all of our friends and co-workers. Usually there were 30 to 40 people attending in our very small apartment/condo (a much smaller place than the big houses that most of our friends owned). We supplied all the food, all the wine & liquor and all the soft drinks. We were the ones who had to clean our house, get everything ready, and clean up after the party. When our kids were little we had to hire a babysitter to keep them occupied during the party. Everyone loved our parties and looked forward to them.
Guess what? Little by little those parties were not very much fun anymore for my husband and me. Why? Because our friends and co-workers rarely, if ever, reciprocated. In those 20 years, hubby's best friend John, hosted two or three parties and his other best friend George never hosted even one party (but occasionally invited us to dinner at his house). Both had attended almost every party that we gave for 20 years. My best friend Sue, gave one or two parties during the 15 years that she attended every year and my other friend Vicki never even hosted one party. Luckily, for a while hubby's boss gave a party almost every year but very few of his or my co-workers ever gave parties. And a few of our other party guests would reciprocate by inviting us to a dinner party or a picnic or a play or something like that (which was very nice).
We finally realized that our party was sometimes the only party that we attended during the previous six months or sometimes for the previous entire year. So we stopped hosting parties. For the first few years people kept asking us when we would hold our next party and we often said something like "We will schedule our next party after we attend your next party."
Even if you only have two parents and one child and they have two parents and eight kids of course, you need to take turns hosting. Heck, I'm now a widow (obviously just one person) but I still invite my brother and his wife & my niece and her husband and their three children over to my house. Just because I'm a smaller "family" it does not mean that I should never invite relatives to my house or never take my turn.
Sheesh, if your parents never reciprocated, and even expected them to always host no wonder they stopped doing it.
I agree. I can't see how you (and your parents) don't understand that?
Well. But the thing is I was a kid. I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was every Christmas, we went to their house. It was a given. But I was young, I didn't know what the deal was.
Now i'm older and I'm at least trying. I messaged her, got a nice response, and then nothing after.
I did invite her over to meet the new family. So in a way I'm doing more invitations than my parents did. But she didn't even officially decline it. She just didn't read it period. So I'm stuck in the middle. My dad sees me making progress by meeting all kinds of family from the internet and he tells me to try to get his favorite cousin back.
At first he said he had no interest in meeting the new people. He said he would rather see his cousin even if she had no interest in seeing him. But after he met the new family, I overheard him say to my mom they are so much nicer than the ones who snubbed us. Kinda hard for me to help him out, since they lost her phone number.
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