Is this strange or am I making this more strange than it really is
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She also believes that i’m letting what i believe my family will think, factor into the feelings that I might have developed toward him. And that my anxiety is what led me to develop cold feet, overanalyze, and start jumping to worse case scenarios.
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I think that's bad advice and that you should listen to your gut and call this thing off.
The OP’s “gut” changed to suddenly thinking he was an incel seemingly out of the blue. If you let your gut anxiety take over all the time, you will never take chances on anything. No one is suggesting that the OP invite him to her house or tell him where she lives, but I certainly don’t think a short coffee/lunch or even casual/quick dinner meeting in a busy, public place (preferably not too close to her house) is going to do any harm.
I think if he is a creeper, completely calling it off after she agreed he could visit is likely to have worse consequences than doing a polite, short meeting and then calling it a day.
I appreciate everyone’s input! An update: I’ve decided to go through with the meeting. It is toward the end of January(someone asked when it was). Also, I know a lot of people did not agree with the therapist, but I believe her assessment of how I felt was the most accurate—in that I did like him(obviously not love) and got freaked out once the meeting was brought up because of anxiety and also caring a lot about my family and friends judgement. I am not sure if I am interested in pursuing anything further with him until after I’ve met him in person. Finally, while I have been dating different men that I’ve met locally, presently I am not dating anyone exclusively, and would never ask one of these men to come with me while I meet this guy. I have talked to him a few times this week and I haven’t felt weird about him, so we’ll see how things go when he comes up here.
Good for you. These days, lots of people meet online
I can't promise I read the WHOLE thread, but I think I got the gist of your angst, and I don't think you're crazy for wanting to meet him. As I said upthread, I met my hubby online, he was living in Minnesota and I in Washington. We had talked and chatted so much that by the time we met in person, we probably knew more about each other than most people who meet 'normally'.
I do hope you will report back and update us. - After you meet. I think you've analyzed and gotten enough opinions for now.
Look you are feeling weird but you are not really telling him what you are feeling you are just kind of going along for the ride. Yeah that sounds great to meet you that weekend if it's weird and you don't want to tell him exactly that or if it's something else tell him that but don't just let your life happen.
I think you have a budding stalker problem and should pay attention to what your gut instinct is telling you about this situation being "weird". Something is off about this guy that you didn't pick up on at the beginning and now the guy is getting clingy and possessive and you're getting warning signals to be careful.
I think the lines got blurred - or else they didn't get blurred but he still doesn't want to accept that there is only friendship between you. If he contacts you every day then he clearly thinks and wants there to be more than just friendship happening. Real friends in a stable "friends only relationship" do not have contact with each other every day - unless they're emotionally unstable and are co-dependent on each other, in which case it's not a stable relationship. I think you made a big mistake in allowing it to get to the point where you are having daily contact with each other. To me it sounds like he is hoping for romance or more, he has set his sights on you and has become dependent on having daily phone contact with you and is keeping track of you. By contacting you every day and you responding, he has gained a degree of control over you and your daily lifestyle.
Frankly, (and I'm really trying to not sound like an alarmist) nothing about this sounds quite right to me and I think you're correct to feel leery about having him come to your city if he's doing it specifically to meet you. Personally I think you should break off the friendship entirely if you are not romantically interested (which he obviously is if he has tried to flirt and talk dirty to you in the past - which should have been a HUGE red flag to you that he actually wants more than friendship and that his behaviour was very inappropriate for the circumstances).
If you do end up meeting with him in person I definitely think it should be in a public place in the day time, and do not introduce your child to him. My concern is this - Have you told him where your residence is, does he know your home address? Your full name? Is it listed in the city directory? Does he know what you and your child look like?
I appreciate everyone’s input! An update: I’ve decided to go through with the meeting. It is toward the end of January(someone asked when it was). Also, I know a lot of people did not agree with the therapist, but I believe her assessment of how I felt was the most accurate—in that I did like him(obviously not love) and got freaked out once the meeting was brought up because of anxiety and also caring a lot about my family and friends judgement. I am not sure if I am interested in pursuing anything further with him until after I’ve met him in person. Finally, while I have been dating different men that I’ve met locally, presently I am not dating anyone exclusively, and would never ask one of these men to come with me while I meet this guy. I have talked to him a few times this week and I haven’t felt weird about him, so we’ll see how things go when he comes up here.
This is the update the OP has already said. She will update everyone on what happens at the end of January. She has stated she will listen to her therapist which is the correct thing to do because the therapist knows EVERYTHING that is going on with her.
Faith2187-Good luck with your meeting!
He wants to have more than a friendship with you. Let him visit and decided if it is still weird.
I have always considered the online thing a little impersonal (weird) but allowed two people to book a flight AND hotel to visit me last year and although I though they were "the one" when I I met them in person I couldn't wait for them to leave!
Maybe it will be the opposite for you!
Who knows, maybe it works out but a man telling a woman what he did with some other woman the night before and how he was such a stallion seems like weak game for a 15 year old let alone a grown man. That in itself shows signs of serious feelings of inadequacy. Get ready for the full court press when you meet this guy. Out of curiosity, have you gotten enough info/evidence over the course of the relationship to know that he is who he says he is? Did he really graduate from grad school as an example?
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