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The only time I dated a "younger guy" was when I was 22 and dating a 19 year old guy when we were both in the military. He got really clingy real fast. I was trying to break it off gently after about 8 months, and he told me he had been planning a proposal. Talk about being on different pages! I think that 5 year difference for a guy in his 20's is a lot. Guys mature slower than women, in general, and the OP is probably a lot more than 5 years more mature than this guy. If the 5 years were the other way around, him older than her, it would probably be just fine.
OP, let us know how it goes when you tell him not to come.
I don't find it strange that he wants to meet you. There's a connection there that was forged through your frequent conversations with him. I've met three City Data friends, one in Scotland, and two in Maine. I also have two as Facebook friends and I've talked to them via messenger frequently. I would meet them in a heartbeat. My Scottish friend came and picked me up at our hotel with her husband. My husband was too sick to go so I told him that I was going off for the day with my friends I met on the internet. Actually, it was one of the best days I spent in Scotland.
You can meet him in a public place and take it from there. One of my dear friends met her husband through a personal add. All friends are strangers at one point in the relationship. Just be careful.
That's the thing--the OP gave the guy her number and thought it was weird that he called her. She said that it would be cool if he visited and is now freaking out that he wants to. And her main objection is that other people will judge her for having met this dude on the internet. If she doesn't want this guy in her life, or if she wants to have only a phone friend, she needs to use her words and say that.
^^^^This.
I am a guy in my 50s. Take a step back and decide if you want to meet him or not.
If you do, fine. Use the public place etc precautions. If you don't then stop leading him on. Be direct. You are telling him one thing then coming on here telling us another. Quit with the mixed signals and tell him.
Over the summer I was posting online on a music website that I used to frequent and ended up becoming friends with one another user. We sent private messages back and forth for a while, but the website was becoming distracting(spending too much time on it) so I decided to stop posting on it, and I let him know that it was nice getting to know him but that I wouldn’t be back on the site. He ended up giving me his number, and telling me if I ever wanted to talk to give him a call. To be polite I also gave him my number but I didn’t expect for us to be in further contact. He reached out to me a week later—I was surprised. From there we started back talking again. It transformed from talking once or twice a week, but now we talk nearly every day. Now he lives up North and I live down south. So I considered him my phone friend. We’ve exchanged photos, know each other’s names, etc.
Anyway a couple of weeks ago he mentioned places he wants to visit when he graduates from grad school(which is happening this month) and he mentioned that the first city he would like to visit is my city. And I was like “oh that would be cool” but to be honest I really didn’t mean anything by it. He then told me he would like to come visit me, and i kind of cringed(not sure why) because he’s just my phone buddy. Last week, he brought it up again—in fact he’s been bringing it up more and more, and finally he asked me if he could come on a specific weekend(told me the dates) because he had looked up the cost of plane tickets and wanted to purchase them so that he could come out here and visit me.
I found it weird and I didn’t know how to respond, but I said that the dates he planned to visit were fine. So it was confirmed, and I don’t know why I’m finding it weird but I just am. For reference I’m a 31 year old woman with a 7 year old son, he’s 25. I enjoy the conversations we have and our phone friendship but I’m finding the idea of him flying out here to visit me weird. And ever since the dates have been confirmed, he keeps talking about how excited he is to meet me and it’s making me feel weird. I know I’m probably just tripping,but is this a thing for people to make friends online and go visit each other? I know it’s a thing with dating but I honestly don’t know anyone who’s done this sort of thing for friendship, so I’m just wondering if this is something that others have done?
I find it odd that you formed a relationship where you talk to somebody on the phone nearly every day, but find it strange that person would want to come visit you.
I don't even talk to my parents or my best friend every week, let alone every day.
In a romantic sense, the age difference is nothing, and there's nothing weird about any lengths that guys will go to, to try and get some.
In a platonic sense, I do think the situation of reaching out to someone from a forum for a close friendship is a little odd, but you've met him every step of the way so far, so you'd be just as guilty for the 'weirdness'.
But I will admit that on many occasions he’s tried to talk dirty to me, or made comments that felt way more than friendly, and I told him to stop and he did.
Well ... you conveniently left this part out of your OP.
Again, there's nothing weird about any lengths that men will go to try and get some @ss.
I guess there's nothing weird about women leading men on too, so nothing to see here. Lol.
Since you've been a mother for seven years, the six year age difference between the two of you, in reality, is remarkable. I would never give a stranger my address. Don't tell him things if you don't mean it. Listen to your gut and call off this meeting.
After reading most of the posts, stay with your decision to cancel the meeting. I suggest your change your phone number and ghost this guy, and in the future, stay off social media until you know what you want in life.
I don’t know if this is the case, we’ve talked about relationships and he always says he isn’t ready for one, etc, etc. In the beginning he did make comments but I told him he was too young for me etc. we talk in depth about a lot of different things and when it comes up in the past I’ve friend zoned him. It seems like we’re on the same page as far as that goes now.But I will admit that on many occasions he’s tried to talk dirty to me, or made comments that felt way more than friendly, and I told him to stop and he did.
In any case I feel mean at the thought of telling him that I would prefer to just remain phone buddies, because Im not quite sure why I feel so uncomfortable and weird about meeting offline in the first place, since I do enjoy his friendship.
Thank you for your input. I am considering just being honest and telling him that I don’t want to meet.
Okay, I did not see this. Let me tell you, when I used to go on dating sites, guys asked if I wanted a "picture" I said sure and 99% sent a picture of their penis!...They were proudly showing it off ....but you would have thought that he would know, most women don't get turned on by penis pics. We would rather meet and see that person, and then "that" at some later point. We don't need a picture of it. we would rather see it for real and all the joy that comes with it.
So my point is, a guy that sends you a picture of his penis, or in his case, talks dirty to you, is saying he is interested in your "sexually." Now that I see this part of your story, honestly, a real man (that you have never met) does not need to tell you what he is doing to himself or what he wants to do to you sexually, he will "show" you at the right time in life, if this were to work out. (however in an established relationship, mutual "play" is always fun)
So, his dirty talk to me is dumb!...... It's different if you have a real boyfriend and he is 3,000 miles away, alone in his hotel room and wants to get frisky with you on the phone. Talk naughty and you are both down for that. But this guy, is talking dirty to you, it's making you feel weirded out and it feels creepy to you, because it IS creepy!
Update: It's too late, LMAO. I forget that he's only rode a plane one other time in his life. Anyway, his friends(he has roommates) told him where to purchase the plane tickets(cheapoair) and he got the tickets that were nonrefundable. I found this out because I explained to him that the dates he was coming up, no longer worked for me because of an engagement I already had. Today he contacted me to let me know he couldn't get a refund for the plane tickets. I felt bad because he doesn't know anyone else in Charlotte, and was coming up here next month, I guess solely to see me. He also is a graduate student and has limited income right now. I said I would see what I could do about rescheduling the engagement. But in the meantime I'll be seeing my therapist this week and I'll ask her, her thoughts.
I'm a little confused on how people are saying I led him on though? I realize the mistake I made by giving him my phone number, but I didn't realize back then that it would morph into an everyday contact situation, that would result in him wanting to come out here to see me. Beyond that, I didn't do anything to lead him on???? The talking dirty didn't happen until last month. We've been talking since the summer. If he would have tried the talking dirty during our initial conversations, I would have thought he was a creep and I wouldn't have continued talking to him.
It's true that I never spelled out to him firmly what I saw as far as friendship goes, but I never expressed romantic interest in him. In fact, early on I told him he was too young for me, and lived too far away. I told him I wanted a baby and was looking for a future husband. I've encouraged him to go on dates with some of the girls he's hooked up with and I've also told him about dates I've had. I've also told him many times that I don't have casual sex and only have sex with men I'm actually dating. While I never came out and said "I see you as a friend". I never expressed romantic interest in him either.
Even when he sent me pictures of himself and we linked up on linkedin, despite thinking he was attractive and believing I liked him, I did not express those thoughts to him, because of his age. I didn't think I needed to express that I saw him as just a friend, because I had already told him early on that he was too young for me. Plus, when I talked to him about a few of the girls he had told me about that were interested in dating him, he expressed that he wasn't ready for a relationship yet. So.... There was never in my mind a need to go there, because he wasn't interested in a relationship, I already told him that his age in distance was a problem in the beginning, and throughout the course of our friendship I have repeatedly encouraged him to date some of the girls that expressed interest in him.
In fact, I had sex with an ex recently and told him about it, and he had sex with some girl late last night...
Yes he's flirted sometimes, and made comments like "it's too were in different spaces in life, I know if we were in the same space and you lived out here, I would probably fall in love with you", I quickly said, "ha, but your like my brother. And I'm too old for you." A few weeks ago.
I mean, i'm not sure how I led him on. Maybe I should have stopped talking to him? IDK. Like I said, up until he brought up coming to visit me and then planned it out with me, I didn't even see our friendship going beyond the phone.
Over the summer I was posting online on a music website that I used to frequent and ended up becoming friends with one another user. We sent private messages back and forth for a while, but the website was becoming distracting(spending too much time on it) so I decided to stop posting on it, and I let him know that it was nice getting to know him but that I wouldn’t be back on the site. He ended up giving me his number, and telling me if I ever wanted to talk to give him a call. To be polite I also gave him my number but I didn’t expect for us to be in further contact. He reached out to me a week later—I was surprised. From there we started back talking again. It transformed from talking once or twice a week, but now we talk nearly every day. Now he lives up North and I live down south. So I considered him my phone friend. We’ve exchanged photos, know each other’s names, etc.
Anyway a couple of weeks ago he mentioned places he wants to visit when he graduates from grad school(which is happening this month) and he mentioned that the first city he would like to visit is my city. And I was like “oh that would be cool” but to be honest I really didn’t mean anything by it. He then told me he would like to come visit me, and i kind of cringed(not sure why) because he’s just my phone buddy. Last week, he brought it up again—in fact he’s been bringing it up more and more, and finally he asked me if he could come on a specific weekend(told me the dates) because he had looked up the cost of plane tickets and wanted to purchase them so that he could come out here and visit me.
I found it weird and I didn’t know how to respond, but I said that the dates he planned to visit were fine. So it was confirmed, and I don’t know why I’m finding it weird but I just am. For reference I’m a 31 year old woman with a 7 year old son, he’s 25. I enjoy the conversations we have and our phone friendship but I’m finding the idea of him flying out here to visit me weird. And ever since the dates have been confirmed, he keeps talking about how excited he is to meet me and it’s making me feel weird. I know I’m probably just tripping,but is this a thing for people to make friends online and go visit each other? I know it’s a thing with dating but I honestly don’t know anyone who’s done this sort of thing for friendship, so I’m just wondering if this is something that others have done?
It puts the lotion on the skin.....
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...They were proudly showing it off ....but you would have thought that he would know, most women don't get turned on by penis pics. We would rather meet and see that person, and then "that" at some later point. We don't need a picture of it. we would rather see it for real and all the joy that comes with it. 
