When friendships fade away, do you welcome former friends who reach out to you? (guilty, person)
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Like all of us, I’ve had a few friendships fade away, and the fading was clearly intended by the former friend. There was no falling out and the friend didn’t move; it was just clear that the friendship quietly ended. No discussion and no hard feelings; it happens.
Twice recently, the former friend has reached out (by email) to get together. We’re all straight middle-aged guys and perhaps they were short of friends and figured that maybe rekindling an old friendship was the way to go. Or maybe they didn’t intend to end the friendship; who knows.
I’m not interested and didn’t bother responding. Sorry- don’t end the friendship and expect me to be there when you want. I don’t miss the friendship and I thought that it ended at the right time.
How about you: when friendships fade and the person lives nearby, do you welcome the former friend reaching out?
Last edited by PuppiesandKittens; 12-16-2018 at 04:40 PM..
I don't take it personally when friends have not kept in touch. They're busy, I'm busy, life happens. So when somebody I haven't heard from in a while reaches out, I respond, favorably. I enjoyed their company in the past, so why would I assume I wouldn't going forward, or, they mine?
If you haven't missed the friendship, then they weren't actual friends, they were just people you knew.
If someone is my friend, they are my friend - from your posts it doesn't appear that you did anything ever to keep up relationships - what is wrong w/someone touching base with you?
You sound bitter. You aren't even sure if the person intended to end the friendship. Sometimes friendships slow down. It doesn't necessarily mean something was wrong or that it ended.
I’m not interested and didn’t bother responding. Sorry- don’t end the friendship and expect me to be there when you want. I don’t miss the friendship and I thought that it ended at the right time.
How about you: when friendships fade and the person lives nearby, do you welcome the former friend reaching out?
Yes, I welcome them reaching out. I"m not going to hold a grudge because the friendship faded for a while. Perhaps they got busy with other things in their life. Sure, I guess you can "get even with them" by not responding or telling them to go away.
Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 12-16-2018 at 09:15 PM..
If the friendship ended, in most cases I wouldn't want to rekindle that friendship. I can see communicating on social media occasionally just to see what that person is up to but an in person meeting is a whole different story. When I first got a Facebook account I connected with a few people from my past and even met an old college buddy for lunch when he traveled to my city but that's it. We were both content to just meet once, talk a little and then go on with our lives. But this guy contacting you out of the blue seems a little strange but then again you don't really know what he's thinking. Hopefully your former friend gets the hint that you don't want to meet him again. BTW is it more than one person as you mentioned "all" in your post? Does he want to have a get together of a group of people?
I've had a surprising number of people from the past reach out to me. It must be the Internet. I've even email from a couple of frenemies, people I would not associate with again under any circumstances.
Someone from my past contacted me recently. I usually don't respond to these but this one I did. Complications ensued -- this person has always been exclusively about their own precious self -- and I'm reminded once again that people never really change.
If a friendship had faded without any animosity or for an obvious reason there's no reason not to welcome them. Why would you question it? I don't keep scores on all my friendships (who did the last favor, who owed who a favor, who last called, who holds some petty grudge over the other, etc) tallied up in a ledger. I don't automatically place the blame for the faded relationship on them either. That smacks of resentment and could be misplaced. If you question their motivation you are holding onto baggage. Be honest.
If I myself enjoyed the friendship the yeah sure, I'd rekindle it. Who knows what the heck was going on in the other persons life to make them fade away. Maybe they went through a depression or something and are now trying to get back to normal, it could be a million little things.
I'm guilty of meeting up with old acquaintances who've contacted me out of the blue, even when I didn't know them that well or particularly have fun hanging out with them. I guess I'm always thinking that if someone I'm not close to is desperate enough to contact me to hang out I don't want to reject them, and getting coffee or whatever could be fun. If it's not, it's just coffee.
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