When friendships fade away, do you welcome former friends who reach out to you? (girlfriend, member)
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I let people try. I am not an easy person to get close to in the first place so chances are that the "friend" who disappeared was never close to begin with. But they can try again.
There's one person I used to be really close to. And then she dropped me like a hot potato. I don't know why. It was painful. If I'm being truthful, sometimes it still is.
We work together. And, we're polite and civil to each other. But we're not friends anymore. And if she reached out to rekindle the friendship, I'd have to decline.
Another person was someone I knew in junior high. We were pretty tight friends at the time. We found each other on Facebook. I reached out to her a couple of times about getting lunch sometime, but both times she declined with reasonable excuses. I figured "I tried twice. If she's content for things to be what they are, (online friends) then I am too." And their's no hard feelings. Life gets busy, she's got grandkids she watches sometimes, etc. It's fine.
Like all of us, I’ve had a few friendships fade away, and the fading was clearly intended by the former friend. There was no falling out and the friend didn’t move; it was just clear that the friendship quietly ended. No discussion and no hard feelings; it happens.
Twice recently, the former friend has reached out (by email) to get together. We’re all straight middle-aged guys and perhaps they were short of friends and figured that maybe rekindling an old friendship was the way to go. Or maybe they didn’t intend to end the friendship; who knows.
I’m not interested and didn’t bother responding. Sorry- don’t end the friendship and expect me to be there when you want. I don’t miss the friendship and I thought that it ended at the right time.
How about you: when friendships fade and the person lives nearby, do you welcome the former friend reaching out?
lol, wow bitter much dude.
Yes, I enjoy hearing from former friends. Personally I take it as a compliment if after 40,50 years some one thought "hey, how's Eliza doing".
listen what's the worst that can happen by responding to this guy? You both are probably very different people.
I doubt he is "expecting" you to do anything. he may just ran into some thing that reminded him of his old days and reached out.
How about you: when friendships fade and the person lives nearby, do you welcome the former friend reaching out?
I had one person reach out to me and I declined the invitation. The friendship had a good run, it was fun, short lived. Some friendships are just for a Season and I am okay with that. The memories are good, there are always reasons why a friendships fades...just the way life is.
I had one person reach out to me and I declined the invitation. The friendship had a good run, it was fun, short lived. Some friendships are just for a Season and I am okay with that. The memories are good, there are always reasons why a friendships fades...just the way life is.
True, some are just for a season.
Depending on the circumstances, I welcome friends from the past. Just got in touch with an old friend last Christmas and my ex's brother as well. We are glad to be back in each other's lives a bit...even if mostly by phone as in the case of the brother-in-law. Reminded me, time to call him again and catch up...
Kind of sad at times, losing contact. My best college friend and I were tied at the hip...she went on to live in PA and have 6 children and the life that goes with that. We don't talk except rarely...she works full-time and still has a lot on her plate even with grown kids....but we were close friends for years. Just the way the world turns...
If a friendship faded, then IMO, it wasn't a true friendship. I'd call that an acquaintance not a friend. If an acquaintance wanted back into my circle, I'd be hesitant welcoming them back in. But if it's a friendship that faded, it faded for a very good reason and no I would not let them back into my inner circle of friends. I'd consider them an acquaintance from here on out.
If the friendship ended, in most cases I wouldn't want to rekindle that friendship. I can see communicating on social media occasionally just to see what that person is up to but an in person meeting is a whole different story. When I first got a Facebook account I connected with a few people from my past and even met an old college buddy for lunch when he traveled to my city but that's it. We were both content to just meet once, talk a little and then go on with our lives. But this guy contacting you out of the blue seems a little strange but then again you don't really know what he's thinking. Hopefully your former friend gets the hint that you don't want to meet him again. BTW is it more than one person as you mentioned "all" in your post? Does he want to have a get together of a group of people?
I'm thinking the same as the last sentence. Like a pyramid. Like a scheme.
Yes, I welcome them reaching out. I"m not going to hold a grudge because the friendship faded for a while. Perhaps they got busy with other things in their life. Sure, I guess you can "get even with them" by not responding or telling them to go away.
This. Your perception that a friendship ended may be entirely different than what the other person is feeling. Life takes people down different paths all the time and sometimes they take you in the same direction, and sometimes not. If your friend did nothing wrong but walked a different path for awhile, why not resume the friendship?
I'm curious, how long has it been since last contact?
From what I know about my middle-aged male friends, maybe they didn't feel that your friendship ended, but something in their life was big enough that they didn't keep in contact. My BF has friends he hasn't talked to in years, but every so often, they call one another up, say how's it going, maybe even hang out, then nothing again. Ditto with all of my male friends.
I've had this happen and I'm a woman and I feel it's different for us. Usually it depends on the quality of friendship in the first place. I usually will give it a go the second time around, but to me, friendship is a two-way street. If you're not going to put effort in, neither am I. If the second time ends the same way or they treat me the same (same being bad), then yeah, there won't be a 3rd. I'd rather have no friends than bad ones.
If people reach out, for the most part, I allow it as I hope all is well with them and it'd be nice to find out. But I gauge our history and their current actions before deciding to really let them back in.
Last edited by psichick; 12-17-2018 at 03:41 PM..
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This. Your perception that a friendship ended may be entirely different than what the other person is feeling. Life takes people down different paths all the time and sometimes they take you in the same direction, and sometimes not. If your friend did nothing wrong but walked a different path for awhile, why not resume the friendship?
