Does anyone know people who ration food with guests but make a big presentation? (brother, cousins)
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Hmm, when I am a guest in someone's home I accept what they offer in the manner they choose to offer it. They don't have to explain or justify what they do in their own home. I don't second guess it or waste energy wondering about why they do what they do. If I decide I don't like how they eat I'll make other arrangements the next time.
It's an issue when you wind up starving during a weekend stay, wondering, will I offend if leave for a bit to get some snacks? I've also had to wait until nearly noon for breakfast, again, starving. At least the kids' cousins will help them get something earlier now that they're older. It was an issue for them too, when they were younger.
That sounds awful. Where do you suppose the control comes from? What else does he control? The attitude about pajama time was because they "worked hard all week." They liked to believe they were the only people in the world who had jobs (or did much of anything else a normal functioning adult in society does).
The only "pajama time" I can remember was Christmas morning. Middle-aged adults sitting around in robes and slippers, apparently to try to recapture an earlier time.
That sounds awful. Where do you suppose the control comes from? What else does he control? The attitude about pajama time was because they "worked hard all week." They liked to believe they were the only people in the world who had jobs (or did much of anything else a normal functioning adult in society does).
I've not heard it called pajama time, but I do see that behavior a fair amount. I've been joked a bout a few times (in fun) because I get up more or less the same time 7 days a week, and I like to eat breakfast right away. In more than a few instances I'm in the minority.
It's an issue when you wind up starving during a weekend stay, wondering, will I offend if leave for a bit to get some snacks? I've also had to wait until nearly noon for breakfast, again, starving. At least the kids' cousins will help them get something earlier now that they're older. It was an issue for them too, when they were younger.
Oh i do remember one trip i took with some cousins about three years ago.
We went to another state to do some family history research.
I just "assumed" we would stay in a hotel. Nope. They even bought food for the road. There i was eating a sandwich at a roadside rest stop - the horror!
Then we get the house - very tiny thing. And nope - stayed there two nights. No food in the house. Barely any coffee - instant at that. I thought shouldn't we go get her some groceries. But no - I guess my relatives didn't want to offend her? We did go eat at another relatives house. Finally some nourishment.
It wasn't the owners fault. I just thought it odd that the relatives didn't even take her out to eat. She was their aunt.
First of all, I'm going to start by saying I don't expect some sort of a smorgasbord set out for me when I visit. This is just an observation on what I find to be strange behavior and here are some examples. None of these examples are poor people.
My ex fiancee's family was opposed to eating breakfast right when you got up. They had at least three hours of what I called pajama time and the only acceptable thing to do was drink coffee. On the rare occaisions you were offered food it was cereal in a child sized bowl. For dinner it was a ritual of pouring milk into cups that held maybe five shot glasses worth of liquid. That was all the milk you got.
If my dad and step mom have you over for a burger that is all you get. One. Burger. They will make a huge effort setting out the fixings and you can time them with a calendar when they go through the ritual of putting things on it.
My dad and step mom and extended family also go through a presentation of the food and if you so much as take a morsel more than what you're allotted it's a nonstop barrage of you eating too much. It's all very odd to me. I'm not complaining or looking for some sort of advice, just making an observation and curious if others have seen this.
Compare that with my mom's side of the family which is here's the food, dish it up, don't be a pig and eat it all, make sure everyone gets something, and eat whatever you take.
Never lived like that, nor do I know anyone that lives like that. What did catch my eye was the three hours of pajama time. I have never heard of that. Are you meaning for a weekend or something? We have too much going on, even on a weekend to be sitting around for three hours.
Not so much the rationing of food, but the quality of the food.
My ex's cousins made quite a bit of money. They lived in a huge house, and their kids had every sort of toy imaginable. They had expensive furnishings and cars. Yet when they would invite us over, they would serve generic everything: potato chips, soda, bread, etc. It felt like they didn't think highly enough of us to serve us the good stuff that they would eat on a daily basis. I was always taught that you served guests the best, not the cheapest.
I've been a guest in homes like that a couple of times, esp. the "we don't eat breakfast so don't expect us to serve it" people, which is really hard if you are a breakfast eater.
It's the complete opposite in my family - my mom is first generation American, and like many immigrant families, food was love and also the big connection to "the old country." So enough food would never mean just enough to serve everyone, if there wasn't a lot leftover, that meant there wasn't enough food. My mom lived with one of her aunts when she was in college, where she met my dad, and he had lots of funny stories about how much this aunt expected him to eat, and he never went to visit my mom without leaving with a big care package of food.
I'm the same way when I entertain - I would be appalled to run out of something. Now for something like a cookout, I do ask people up front how many hamburgers and hotdogs they would like, but if someone said gee, what I ate was great, I really could go for another burger, you can be guaranteed that there are additional burgers in the fridge so I can go get one and cook another one. I might not have cooked it up front but that's just because they aren't great reheated so I want to cook just enough, but never in the sense of limiting the amount someone can have. For planning, I would have enough on hand to cook 2 burgers and 2 hot dogs for everyone, and what was left over gets put into the freezer to get cooked another time.
I've not heard it called pajama time, but I do see that behavior a fair amount. I've been joked a bout a few times (in fun) because I get up more or less the same time 7 days a week, and I like to eat breakfast right away. In more than a few instances I'm in the minority.
My family was the same way; breakfast on weekends was early, by some people's standards. When my cousin would stay over, she'd sleep in late. I found out decades later, that this was because she struggled in high school, and had to stay up to midnight on weeknights, to get her homework done. So she needed to catch up on sleep, on the weekends. We had no idea at the time. She'd come down for breakfast around 9:00 or 9:30, and we'd be about done with breakfast, starting to clear the dishes from the table.
Sometimes it's not about rationing. It's just what they're used to. I have one friend who doesn't eat breakfast. She'll have a cup of coffee, and won't really eat until lunch. She doesn't think about breakfast. So I know if I visit her, I need to bring a couple snacks to hold me over for a while. It's not a big deal, I typically don't eat a big breakfast either, but I still need something to take medication with, so I usually take a Kind bar and some fruit. I don't want to make a big deal about it or make her feel bad for not thinking about breakfast.
My favorite was my MIL's Thanksgiving routine. She would cook a 20# turkey for 4 people and serve a Thanksgiving dinner for 3-4 days until it was all gone for lunch and dinner. After Day 2, I always tell my wife to enjoy and head to a locla restaurant where I can get salads and fresh vegetables.
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