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First let me send my condolences. UGH! I cannot imagine my in laws staying in my home!!!
If you are in Williamsburg, send them over to one of those nasty motels next to one of the zillions of pancake houses and set up times for them to come over. Make sure they have a rental car so you won't be bothered.
Seriously, put them up in a hotel and let them have a good time in CW and maybe take a day trip to Jamestown. I would plan the days to the hilt and avoid anything more than sight seeing. At least Virginia is full of great things to see and do.
Please don't send them up my way to Richmond!!! Good luck and have a few drinks!
cpg35223, I have tried to buy the hatchet six years ago. We worked on our relationship. Things were good for about a year. Then she freaked out again. I seriously think she has some sort of disorder. No joke!! It's possible. But I'm so done with this. I tired of the crap. I just think that a hotel would be the best solution. She will still be able to see her son.
Mr. Stewart, great idea!! Hotel and car and book full days of sight seeing. That's awsome!! Then since I have to work, I won't have to worry about going to all the outings. I'll make sure that some of the outings are far away so they won't be back until late.
I have put so much thought into this. I have come to the conclusion that I will let my husband handle it. Depending on his actions will depend on my reaction. I spoke with him last night and told him that I am no longer going to be the person coming out smelling like crap while he sits back smelling like roses. Therefore, I don't know if they will be staying with us or not. I told him that if they come and stay and things are fine, then I will be happy. However if they come and things are bad, I am no longer going to keep my mouth shut when she slams me. If they don't like it, then tuff sh*t. It is the home that my husband and I built together and I am not going to let anyone come between that and the respect that I deserve. I have written her an email so that I can get all of my feelings out on the table in hopes that we can reconcile before their visit. I was very polite and straight to the point. I also asked if she would be willing to go to counseling with me as soon as we move back to California....we'll see what happens.
I do get along with his father, as long as his wife doesn't cry to him about some horrible thing I supposedly said. As soon as he and I get to the father and daughter stage, she swoops in and ruins it. So, I have kept my distance with him as well and have treated him pleasantly as he does with me. I keep getting my heart broken by them both. But I guess it’s easier to deal with his father because even after we have been in our spats, he has told me that he loves his wife and does not want to see her upset, but he still loves me and nothing will change that. This helps me immensely.
I commend the proactive steps you've taken - good for you for standing up and not letting yourself be the fall guy for this family. I sincerely wish you the best, dear. You've put up with a lot of cr*p. I hope that things look up for you and your husband and that the silly things that your MIL has been doing come to an end. If they don't, and if things get bad, then they know that the hotel will be their home while visiting you. You've laid it out. They should be guests in your home, not terrorists. Wishing you the best.
i feel for you...what a touchy situation. i was all prepared to advise you to have her stay at a hotel but after thinking about it, i think you need to do what is best for your relationship with your husband. invite her to stay, breath deep while she's there and when it's over you will come out looking like a rose in your husbands eyes.
you'll probably feel defeated for a bit but if all goes well, she hasn't won, you have. you'll be the bigger person. the favor is for your husband not his mom and if it doesn't work out, at least he knows that you tried. just my thoughts.
I agree with Mountaingirl.
Let them stay this time, BUT if it's a bad experience, you have every right to ask them to stay at a hotel next time. Nobody can say you didn't give her a chance. My 2 cents.
Location: Pittsburgh--Home of the 6 time Super Bowl Champions!
11,310 posts, read 12,372,237 times
Reputation: 4938
I have a question for you...
When dear MIL apologized to your husband on the phone over the way she treated you, why didn't your husband stress to her that she needed to apologize to YOU, not him? He does sound like a big wuss. I would allow her to stay at the house. The FIRST time she got nasty, she would be moving into a hotel--and YOUR husband needs to make that clear to her and then he needs to back you up when the nastiness comes out and drive her to the hotel
Texanwannabe, So true. He should have had her apologize to me. But at this point I don't think an apology will help. All I want is for her to stop and respect me as his wife. And yes, my husband has been a big wuss (with his mother). With strangers and everyone else, he stands up for me but when it comes to his mother, he doesn't. But... I wrote out a email to her. I gave it to my husband to read to get his input and to show him what I was sending so that he could back me up. Now he feels really bad. He says that he never really understood how I was feeling until he read that. So he had me add alot of issues that he also feels were not appropriate. So it was sent and we are waiting for a reply. He knows that he will get a call, but he is ready and can't wait at this point to call her to the carpet. FINALLY!! But we'll see if he sticks with what he said.
Why are you still with him knowing that he goes wussy everytime his Mother has a neurotic/illogical issue with you? I can see why he is the way he is -- he learned it from his own father, and it seems that NO ONE has had the balls to stand up AGAINST her, and sadly, your husband has been very much lacking in that area.
He had better be THAT good in bed for you to be able to put up with such a horrible extended family. He must realize that YOU are his family now, and that his Mother & Father are now the extended family.
If I were you, I would start the divorce paper right away before any kids are to be born. Sorry, I would say that love can conquer all, but since your husband is such a wuss, this particular love canNOT conquer all.
Your husband has not been able to protect you from his own family, which means you cannot rely on him to protect you at all. So who else can protect you from them except you YOURSELF? I wonder how he handles his own mother when she has issues WITH HIM...
Last edited by sms0511; 06-05-2008 at 08:47 AM..
Reason: pushed the wrong button
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