How to be an Ohioan (Toledo, Youngstown: how much, houses, buy)

[Ohiogirl81]

Another oldie but goodie:


How to be an Ohioan

After several decades of living in Ohio, I know how to be an Ohioan. While I was learning, written guidelines would have been helpful. So I've written some to assist others

1. Know the state casserole. The State casserole consists of canned green Campbell's cream of mushroom soup and dried onions. You can safely take this casserole to any social event and know that you will be accepted. In fact, Neil Armstrong almost took this casserole to the moon in case he encountered alien life there. NASA nixed the plan out of concern that the casserole would overburden the Apollo rocket at liftoff.

2. Get used to food festivals. The Ohio General Assembly, in an effort to grow bigger offensive linemen, passed legislation years ago requiring every community to have at least one festival per year dedicated to a food. Thus, Sugarcreek honors Swiss cheese, Troy delights in strawberries, Bucyrus has a bratwurst celebration and Gahanna, seeking an advantage over other towns, has recently introduced the Triglyceride and high-density Lipoprotein Festival. It is your duty as an Ohioan to attend at least one of these festivals and at least buy an elephant ear.

3. Know the geography....Of Florida, I mean. I've run into Ohioans who couldn't tell you where Toledo is but they know the exact distance from Fort Myers to Bonita Springs. That's because all Ohioans go to Florida in the winter. Or plan to when they retire. Or are related to retired Ohioans who have a place in Sarasota. We consider Florida to be the Lower Peninsula of Ohio.

4. If you can't afford to spend the winter in Florida, use the state excuse, which is that you stay here because you like the change of seasons. You'll be lying, but that's OK. We've all done it.

5. Speaking of Ohio weather, wear layers or die. The thing to remember about Ohio seasons is that they can occur at anytime. We have spring-like days in January and wintry weekends in October. April is capable of providing a sampling of all four seasons in a single 24-hour period. For these reasons, Ohio is the Layering Capital of the World. Even layering, however, can pose danger...Golfers have been known to dress for hypothermia and end up dead of heat stroke because they couldn't strip off their layers of plaid fast enough on a changeable spring morning.

6. Don't take Ohio place names literally. Upper Sandusky is below regular Sandusky. Circleville is square. East Liverpool has no counterpart to the west. Also, if a town has the same name as a foreign capital... Lima or Berlin or Louisville, for example......you must not pronounce it that way lest you come under suspicion as a spy. Hence, it's not LEE-ma as in Peru, but LYE-ma as in bean, and it's BER-lin, not Ber-LIN, like in Germany. Louisville in Ohio is pronounced Looisville, not Looeyville as in Kentucky.

7. Become mulch literate. Ohioans love mulch and appreciate its subtle differences. Learn the difference between hardwood, cypress and pine bark at a minimum. Researchers think the state affinity with mulch derives from its relatively flat terrain. People have a subconscious need for topography, and when it can't be supplied naturally, they are more likely to make little mulch hillocks in their front yards.

8. In order to talk sports with obsessive fans in Ohio, you have to be knowledgeable on three levels -- professional, college and high school. The truly expert Ohio sports fan knows not only the name of the hotshot quarterback at Abercrombie Fitch High School, but also what college he's interested in, how much he bench-presses, who he took to the prom and what he got on his biology quiz last week.

9. Remember that Ohioans are never the first to embrace trends. When we do embrace them, we do so with a Midwestern pragmatism. For example, if you see an Ohioan with a nose ring, there's a good chance he's had it undercoated to guard against rust.

10. The best way to sell something in Ohio is to attach the term "Amish" to it. The product need not be genuinely Amish. This would explain the existence of Amish moo shu pork.


I hope you found this guide to be useful. If it offends you, please let me know and I will bring green bean casserole to your home to make amends.

[ptsum]

Can you please explain to me the term youins, I'm still trying to figure that one out, sounds like something that crawled up out of a crick, and what in the world is a Coney?

[CortlandGirl79]

Never heard of either of those sorry.......maybe it's a southern ohio thing.

[ptsum]

Well,I live in southeastern Ohio, this is a second home for me, actually a third, I own two other houses in Prince George's County, Maryland and I have never heard these terms before, still trying to figure out what they are.

Maybe it would help if I said I'm also a Southerner, so they may have a different meaning here that I haven't quite yet been able to figure out.

[bobcat07]

I am from rural southern Ohio and I have heard both terms, youins is basically used in substitution for the plural form of you or you all (y'all) and I'm not sure if this is the right context but to me a coney is a hot dog with sauce and maybe onions or shredded cheese on top. It is strange how dramatically the mannerisms differ between various areas of this state.

[Stephan_K]

Spot on bobcat07........

[ptsum]

I guess that's the equivalent of us Southerners saying y'll, and from what you're describing, is what we would call a chili dog, we also have a thing we call a half-smoke, it's a Polish sausage type of thing that we put on a hot dog roll with coleslaw on it, of course we put coleslaw on everything.

[Donna7]

Originally Posted by Ohiogirl81

Another oldie but goodie:


How to be an Ohioan

After several decades of living in Ohio, I know how to be an Ohioan. While I was learning, written guidelines would have been helpful. So I've written some to assist others

1. Know the state casserole. The State casserole consists of canned green Campbell's cream of mushroom soup and dried onions. You can safely take this casserole to any social event and know that you will be accepted. In fact, Neil Armstrong almost took this casserole to the moon in case he encountered alien life there. NASA nixed the plan out of concern that the casserole would overburden the Apollo rocket at liftoff.

2. Get used to food festivals. The Ohio General Assembly, in an effort to grow bigger offensive linemen, passed legislation years ago requiring every community to have at least one festival per year dedicated to a food. Thus, Sugarcreek honors Swiss cheese, Troy delights in strawberries, Bucyrus has a bratwurst celebration and Gahanna, seeking an advantage over other towns, has recently introduced the Triglyceride and high-density Lipoprotein Festival. It is your duty as an Ohioan to attend at least one of these festivals and at least buy an elephant ear.

3. Know the geography....Of Florida, I mean. I've run into Ohioans who couldn't tell you where Toledo is but they know the exact distance from Fort Myers to Bonita Springs. That's because all Ohioans go to Florida in the winter. Or plan to when they retire. Or are related to retired Ohioans who have a place in Sarasota. We consider Florida to be the Lower Peninsula of Ohio.

4. If you can't afford to spend the winter in Florida, use the state excuse, which is that you stay here because you like the change of seasons. You'll be lying, but that's OK. We've all done it.

5. Speaking of Ohio weather, wear layers or die. The thing to remember about Ohio seasons is that they can occur at anytime. We have spring-like days in January and wintry weekends in October. April is capable of providing a sampling of all four seasons in a single 24-hour period. For these reasons, Ohio is the Layering Capital of the World. Even layering, however, can pose danger...Golfers have been known to dress for hypothermia and end up dead of heat stroke because they couldn't strip off their layers of plaid fast enough on a changeable spring morning.

6. Don't take Ohio place names literally. Upper Sandusky is below regular Sandusky. Circleville is square. East Liverpool has no counterpart to the west. Also, if a town has the same name as a foreign capital... Lima or Berlin or Louisville, for example......you must not pronounce it that way lest you come under suspicion as a spy. Hence, it's not LEE-ma as in Peru, but LYE-ma as in bean, and it's BER-lin, not Ber-LIN, like in Germany. Louisville in Ohio is pronounced Looisville, not Looeyville as in Kentucky.

7. Become mulch literate. Ohioans love mulch and appreciate its subtle differences. Learn the difference between hardwood, cypress and pine bark at a minimum. Researchers think the state affinity with mulch derives from its relatively flat terrain. People have a subconscious need for topography, and when it can't be supplied naturally, they are more likely to make little mulch hillocks in their front yards.

8. In order to talk sports with obsessive fans in Ohio, you have to be knowledgeable on three levels -- professional, college and high school. The truly expert Ohio sports fan knows not only the name of the hotshot quarterback at Abercrombie Fitch High School, but also what college he's interested in, how much he bench-presses, who he took to the prom and what he got on his biology quiz last week.

9. Remember that Ohioans are never the first to embrace trends. When we do embrace them, we do so with a Midwestern pragmatism. For example, if you see an Ohioan with a nose ring, there's a good chance he's had it undercoated to guard against rust.

10. The best way to sell something in Ohio is to attach the term "Amish" to it. The product need not be genuinely Amish. This would explain the existence of Amish moo shu pork.


I hope you found this guide to be useful. If it offends you, please let me know and I will bring green bean casserole to your home to make amends.

True, very true!

[BuckeyezRule]

I spell it y'ins. The southeastern valley, & Pittsburgh area use this term, & some in the Youngstown area us it. =) I say coney. I also say 'sucker', 'sweeper', & 'pop'. They all say 'soda' & 'vacuum' out here, although, alot still say sucker, & not lollipop. LOL

ptsum, where do you stay in SE Ohio? That is the only place I hear y'ins used! =) Well, maybe it's more central eastern? =)

[MiamiU08]

Very helpful/accurate, indeed. This is going to be my default referral to those moving to the state!