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Four members of the ship's crew were able to make it into a lifeboat before the ship went down. There they were, adrift on the open ocean, without food or water.
Finally, the captain announced that he was going to shoot himself, so that the others would be able to eat him and survive. He put the pistol to his head, and just as he was going to pull the trigger, the first mate shouted, "No!"
Touched by the concern, the captain lowered the gun. And the first mate said, "At least, not in the head. I love brains!"
2 workers on a bench open lunch boxes
worker 1
oh no peanut butter again
worker 2
why not have the wife fix something else
work 1
oh i make them myself
Little Johnny's at it again... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..'
And who wouldn't love to pee all over and IRS agent's desk???
I know somebody who charges $20 for that...
Remember, it's only a joke.
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Jokes!
