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I always allowed my children to make decisions on anything optional. The woman is nuts.
The children can be friends without your having to be her friend. You don't have to be enemies. You can simply be too busy to talk.
I'd limit my time near her. Take a book to practice. Sit somewhere else and read. Or talk on your cell phone. Or sit in your car. Or don't go to practice.
Do whatever it takes to limit your interaction with her to simple pleasantries.
Frankly, she strikes me as a little crazy. I understand stewing about other people, because I'm currently trying very hard to let go of a similar situation. Last night, my spouse reminded me that life is short, and I'm wasting my energy. Deep inside, I know he's right, but it's KILLING me!
...taking calming breaths now...
Try to let it go. Hopes gave what I believe to be good advice: limit your interaction with her. There are quite a few people that I routinely avoid for the sake of my own mental health.
I will try to stay away, thanks. She's usually on her phone (playing Facebook games) and/or going back and forth between her two kids practices, so if I do not seek her out, I might not see her (I bet the other night she was waiting for me now that I think about it.....she usually is not sitting right there).
I am so hoping that my son and her son still find ways to get together. It's awkward right now and I am not sure what she'll do. They do not live near us, and without her, they will not get together much if at all (when the x husband has the kids, the kids want to stay home, plus, he has them on school days, so it doesn't usually work out).
And I am thinking about this a lot, but I feel calm, I think!
As a parent of two sons who play football, I have to say that football parents as a whole are crazier than the average parent!!
Truer words were never spoken.
But this particular mother seems to have a whole lot going on that would probably come out and cause problems whether we were talking about football, band or creative writing.
If you son decides he want to keep playing as he gets older, steel yourself for some real "interesting" parents. The better the player is the more there can be at stake: private coaches, high school, which college. I am a firm, firm believer that sports can change a kid's life and teach them discipline and values they will get no where else.
But there are some real nut-job parents out there. I'm talking scary head cases.
You have some insight to why shes a single parent...
Then on top of it the father has to be manipulated into participation, how sad for the boy.
I don't think the OPs husband said anything to cause these people problems, but I'd be careful of whats said when hes in your home. The accusations this women is capable of could be damaging.
I don't think it's necessarily just a football mom thing. I see the same thing with theater moms. Crazy is just crazy. I'd probably just be cordial, and move on, after I stewed for a few days. I always stew for a few days. lol.
But this particular mother seems to have a whole lot going on that would probably come out and cause problems whether we were talking about football, band or creative writing.
If you son decides he want to keep playing as he gets older, steel yourself for some real "interesting" parents. The better the player is the more there can be at stake: private coaches, high school, which college. I am a firm, firm believer that sports can change a kid's life and teach them discipline and values they will get no where else.
But there are some real nut-job parents out there. I'm talking scary head cases.
I don't have a problem with private coaches and the like for high school kids who actually have enough talent to get a college scholarship or make the NFL. If a child really has the potential to get a scholarship I see nothing wrong with spending money on pursuing that dream. After all the most successful kids (at any activity) are the ones with parental support.
I do have a problem with the stuff I see at the youth level though:
I have seen parents who would not acknowledge their child's legitimate injury so that their child could continue practicing. The parent yelled at me because I helped the child off the field. He could hardly stand and was 9 years old. He then proceeded to publicly humiliate the mother (his ex) because she took him to a doctor and the doctor said he broke his ankle and would be out for most of the season.
I have seen a parent of a 10 year old with a fever give that child Tylenol and send him out to play in the Florida heat.
I have seen a parent/coach continue to run his own 8 year old child in the Forida heat AFTER the child had vomited from the heat. The team was ahead by 3 touchdowns so the game was not on the line. Thank goodness the referees had the good sense to send the child off the field.
I have seen the same parent/coach practice the kids in a thunderstorm despite being asked by the other coaches to get the kids to shelter because it is dangerous for the kids to be out in the lightning. There was almost a fistfight at that practice because the other coaches were adamant about getting the kids off the field.
My son has a child currently on his team who injured his hand. The parents took him to about 5 doctors to find one that says he does not need surgery. After 4 doctors told me that he needed surgery-I would get him surgery. He is only 11.
AND THE CRAZIEST OF ALL:
I have seen a parent hire a thug and send him out to the field to threaten to rough up a coach who spoke crossly to his child. Yes-really. This really happened. IN. FRONT. OF. THE. KIDS.
That mom sounds crazy, period. She obviously has some parenting issues if she is worried that one little conversation with your son is somehow going to undermine her ability to parent. I would never force a kid to play tackle football (although I might force them to do some sort of physical activity, their choice).
I think it's fine that your husband had the football conversation with your son. I would probably encourage your son to practice even in an optional case, but there is no point in forcing it. Kids have to learn to make their own decisions sometimes.
My 11 year old son and his friend are on the same tackle football team. My son has wanted to play for as long as I can remember, and his friend had no interest in playing football, however, his mother made him sign up. She also found a way to force her x-husband to take him (and his brother) to football on the days that the kids are with him.
Well, the other day my son's friend slept over our house after football and stayed until early afternoon the next day (I was at work but my husband was home). While they were here, my son, his friend, and my husband talked about whether or not my son was going to football that evening since it was an optional practice (which is rare). My son did not want to go (also rare), which was fine with my husband.
Well, my son ended up going to football. When I got there, my son's friend's mother yelled at me for at least half an hour because she was upset that we talked about whether my son would go in front of her son, as it made her job getting him to football "harder". She was shocked that we included our son in the decision, and was absolutely adamant that I should apologize and say that I will never have those conversations in front of her son! She also told me that she had to yell at her son for four hours to get him to go, and that she spoke to many people about what I did and they all could not believe it (not to mention that I was at work and did not hear any of the story beforehand!!!). What made her even more upset is that my son ended up going after all of that.
I am curious.....would you ever make an 11 year old boy play TACKLE football, do you have conversations like that in front of your kids, and would you let your kids chose about missing an optional practice? Also, would you have apologized (I said that I was sorry it happened to her but that I did not know the situation and I was not sure I agreed)?
Thanks! This has been bothering me for a few days now.
I let the kids have input into whether or not to play a sport, but once they commit to the team they go to practice unless they're dying. If they're injured, they sit on the bench and support their team, and learn from watching. That's part of being on a team, IMO. We've never had optional practices, though-- that I might let the kid choose on, if we had.
As for "found a way to force her x-husband to take him (and his brother) to football on the days that the kids are with him"...well, yeah. If Junior has committed to playing a team sport, he needs to be there, and if Dad has him, Dad needs to haul his butt to the field.
I don't think you owe her any kind of apology for the fact that you parent differently than she does, though. If the kid's old enough to play football, he's old enough to grasp that different families have different rules.
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