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My GF and I planned to go to Hawaii during Holidays for a nine days trip.
We chose Hawaii because it seemed like a safer destination than the Carabeans for the baby (5 month old).
But the more we look into it, the worse our idea sounds. Back in October when we signed that last minute deal, we didn't know much about Hawaii and we assumed our little angelic baby would sleep soundly on the plane.
Fast forward today, the baby is pretty high maintenance. The multiple take offs and landings will probably be hell. Plus, the more we read on the area we're visiting, the more we see that most activities are not recommended for children.
My mother, out of nowhere, offered to babysit the baby. She's been with him for the first two months of his life when my GF recovered from her c-section. I have zero worries that she would take great care of him.
What I wonder if the baby, at 5 months old, would suffer from separation anxiety or if he would not even care at all.
Would you do it?
The baby won't remember it and will survive.
Mama, however, is a completely different story. She may be excited initally about doing this, but it is very likely her separation anxiety and fears will ruin your vacation in the end.
I did something similar - had the worst time of my life because of it.
Personally I would definitely not leave a baby behind, and have never done so with any of my 4 kids. So, no I wouldn't go without the baby if I were you.
Instead I would have planned a vacation that was very baby friendly (which Hawaii wouldn't be to me anyway), or paid for g'ma to go along to stay with the baby while doing the 'adult' things that you choose to do or delayed it until a better time.
I wouldn't do it. 9 days is a long time to be away from any child, much less a 5 MONTH old.
You and your GF will have to decide what your priorities are and act accordingly. What's more important to the two of you. Whatever you decide, it will probably be indicative of what you'll decide as your child grows and gets older.
You are kidding right? Just because you become parents doesn't mean that you are supposed to do nothing but be parents.
Personally I would definitely not leave a baby behind, and have never done so with any of my 4 kids. So, no I wouldn't go without the baby if I were you.
Instead I would have planned a vacation that was very baby friendly (which Hawaii wouldn't be to me anyway), or paid for g'ma to go along to stay with the baby while doing the 'adult' things that you choose to do or delayed it until a better time.
I agree with this. I would never leave my baby for such a long time, I wouldn't even consider it. I breastfeed, so that's a good excuse for me, but even if I weren't, I can't imagine doing it. But we bring our kids with us everywhere. We've been on vacations and we bring the kids with us. If we wanted to do couples things, we'd bring someone to help watch the kids. We went on a trip this year with my parents and they watched the kids for us while we went on non-kid-friendly outings, ie horseback riding. We stayed in a vacation house and everyone had their own bedrooms and time and space to do their own things as well as doing things together, and it was fun for everyone. I didn't have to leave my kids, I still got to do things alone with my husband, my kids still got to spend a lot of quality time with grandma. Win, win, win! I also went on a girls weekend trip this year, and brought my baby with me. It worked out just fine. For me, it was either bring her or don't go. There is no way I am ready to leave her overnight yet. Nursing gives me a good excuse, but I wouldn't want to anyway.
Personally, I would be more worried about Mama than baby. Baby will probably be fine and is in good hands with Grandma, its Mama who might end up having a really hard time with it. I remember when DS was a baby, we left him overnight once with his Aunt who lived only 15 minutes away and I woke DH up at 6 a.m. the next morning to go get the baby because I was having separation anxiety and wanted him back. DH thought I was nuts, LOL. I now have 2 kids, DS is 4 and DD is 5 months. My grandma passed away last month so the family has been trying to plan fun things with grandpa to keep his spirits up. They are planning a trip to Vegas for his birthday in May and I am considering going and leaving DH home with the kids. I will only be gone for 3 days and I really want to go to support my grandpa, but I'm worried about my separation anxiety. I know my kids will be in good hands with their Daddy. Mommy separation anxiety is pretty strong, LOL.
I would not do it. As to whether YOU do it, is up to you & your GF - and the baby! Does the baby separate easily? Does he need to be in close contact with your GF? 9 days is a LONG time, especially at five months. That is right when they are learning how big the world is... they start to understand that all these things they've been seeing connect, and they're all part of the world - a world that exists outside of them. Up 'til then, they just know NOW.
I'd take the baby, and skip the non-baby-friendly activities. That is me, and connection with my kids is a primary value of mine. It might not be for you. A baby *will* remember mom being away that long, if they're bonded and connected already. It is a loss, and a baby has no way of knowing that it will end. They will grieve. If your GF feels in her gut that that's fine, then it will be; every child is unique in how they experience the world.
It would be great if you could afford a ticket for grandma! That would be a wonderful way to do it - you can do grownup things, be away from the baby *briefly*, while he was in the care of someone he knows.
I wouldn't do it. 9 days is a long time to be away from any child, much less a 5 MONTH old.
You and your GF will have to decide what your priorities are and act accordingly. What's more important to the two of you. Whatever you decide, it will probably be indicative of what you'll decide as your child grows and gets older.
I think this is way overboard. Just because the OP is considering leaving the baby with grandma (a responsible family member who knows the baby) for their vacation, does not mean the baby is going to be subjected to a life of neglect by his/her parents. Geez.
It sounds to me like you are being overly hard on the OP because of some unrelated issues you have with your family member.
That is me, and connection with my kids is a primary value of mine. It might not be for you. A baby *will* remember mom being away that long, if they're bonded and connected already. It is a loss, and a baby has no way of knowing that it will end.
So if a parent is gone for a bit then it means that their connection with their kids is not a primary value? Really? What about people who leave on business trips? Serve in the military?
Yes, 9 days is longer than most people would choose to be gone from a child. It will not damage the parent-child bonding. If it happens frequently, over the course of years, then perhaps. One trip when the baby is 5 mo old is not the end of the world. And it certainly does not infer that the parents aren't valuing the connection with their child.
So if a parent is gone for a bit then it means that their connection with their kids is not a primary value? Really? What about people who leave on business trips? Serve in the military?
You are twisting my words, and meaning. Every family needs to decide where their priorities lie, and what they value most. This question wasn't about a business trip or serving in the military. I answered the question asked - it's not an umbrella answer for all situations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Yes, 9 days is longer than most people would choose to be gone from a child. It will not damage the parent-child bonding.
There is no way you can know this. It may or may not damage the parent-child bond; it depends on the child, their proclivities, development and temperament, and the parent's relationship to that child. I don't know that it will; you don't know that it won't. Every parent can search inside themselves and make their own choices.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
And it certainly does not infer that the parents aren't valuing the connection with their child.
In this situation, to me, it does. You may feel differently; the parents may feel differently.
I would not do it. As to whether YOU do it, is up to you & your GF - and the baby! Does the baby separate easily? Does he need to be in close contact with your GF? 9 days is a LONG time, especially at five months. That is right when they are learning how big the world is... they start to understand that all these things they've been seeing connect, and they're all part of the world - a world that exists outside of them. Up 'til then, they just know NOW.
I'd take the baby, and skip the non-baby-friendly activities. That is me, and connection with my kids is a primary value of mine. It might not be for you. A baby *will* remember mom being away that long, if they're bonded and connected already. It is a loss, and a baby has no way of knowing that it will end. They will grieve. If your GF feels in her gut that that's fine, then it will be; every child is unique in how they experience the world.
It would be great if you could afford a ticket for grandma! That would be a wonderful way to do it - you can do grownup things, be away from the baby *briefly*, while he was in the care of someone he knows.
No they won't for god's sakes. I can barely remember anything before the age of 4.
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You are kidding right? Just because you become parents doesn't mean that you are supposed to do nothing but be parents.
