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I live in a very bad area, yes. However, these robber problems are not just in bad areas. They are very widespread throughout southern California.
Oh, that explains it. Please stay safe!
Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13
Yeah. Obviously there is a reason this person has been avoided for so long.
Sometimes people just don't know how to come out and say they changed their mind. Years ago when I was going through a divorce, my best friend always said there's alway a home w/ her. We had been roommates in the past and stayed in touch when we both got into relationships. When I was losing my house, she invited me to live w/ her and her boyfriend. Before I ever moved in, she had a few drinks one night and opened up that I can't move in because she didn't trust her boyfriend w/ me. He had cheated on her in the past and she was afraid he'd come into my room one night and make a move. The thing is, she avoided me for weeks because she didn't know how to come out and tell me she couldn't let me move in. Sometimes people would rather avoid a confrontation, so they ignore the situation all together hoping it just goes away.
Why do you feel you have to move in with people you consider rude? Are you in a desperate situation? Can you find another solution? I am sorry you are under so much stress. I am sending prayers to you.
There's a back-story going on here, which I vaguely remember from a couple of months ago! It goes roughly like this: OP (who is only in his early or mid-twenties himself) has a teenage cousin in another state who got in with the wrong crowd. So OP visited the teenager a while back for a week with a view to sorting out the kid (even though his mother wasn't happy cuz he took time out of school and hadn't been getting the greatest of grades).
OP thought the visit went well, so then decided he should go and live with the cousin and his parents because he single-handedly could turn the kid around. He justified that his uncle should accept him into his home, because many years ago the uncle (who I think was just a child at the time) had stayed for a few months with the OP's parents. OP was upset because the uncle wouldn't give him a firm yes or no about him moving in. The uncle's wife was not at all keen. OP was insistent that he had the right to move in because of the uncle having stayed with the OP's family years ago.
Anyway, I don't know if the uncle ever said a firm yes, but either way the OP has been making plans to go (lots of posts about his planned trip if you check his recent posts).
I would hazard the guess that the OP would not or could not pick up on the hints/statements that the uncle did not want him there - and they've been reduced to ignoring his phone calls as it's the only option left to them! I suspect when he gets there, he'll find the doors firmly locked too!
A very sad situation. I hope by now you have figured out NOT to even think about moving in with these people. If they wanted you there, they would have communicated with you way before now.
Even if this move was to become reality, sounds to me you would be very unhappy there. If not returning phone call gets you so frustrated, imagine what day to day living with them would be like.
I would just stop calling them and make other plans. If you show up, you will probably not be welcome. If it would make you happy and you don't care if you have a future relationship with them, then calmly sit down and write them a letter-either email or snail, explaining why you were calling, how much the son's rudeness disappointed you and that if they had changed their mind they could have easily avoided causing alot of stress by letting you know as soon as they made that decision.
Don't expect any response and then write them off.
How do you handle this? Is it bad parenting? Were the kids not taught proper phone etiquette when it comes to answering the phone, etc.?
Don't know why it's so difficult for you to understand. The parents apparently do not want their children answering the phone under certain circumstances, and this was one of those circumstances where they weren't answering. Nothing rude about that....and honestly, nothing really rude about the response from the child when he did call you back. The kid told it like it was....if it wasn't an emergency, if someone isn't dying, quit calling their house.
FWIW, my kids rarely answer the home phone, and it's their choice to do so or not when they're home alone, and none of us pick up when we're having dinner or after 9 PM. Close family and friends have our cell phone numbers and can reach us in case of emergency.
Thanks Kobber for the 411. I don't blame the wife for not wanting another kid in the house, especially one who thinks he can do a better job than she and DH have done.
Not being able to pick up on hints and avoidance is a real handicap. Alot of people will not tell you want they really want or don't want and hope you can take a hint. Obviously this is what has hapened in this case.
And to the OP. If we do have the correct story please be informed that "the sins of the father are not visited on the son" which means because your folks might have taken in uncle years ago does not mean he has any obligation to do the same for the next generation. Way too much sense of entitlement and misplaced obligation.
The back story is very sad. I don't understand why this person is so compelled to force his way into lives where he is clearly not wanted. I wonder what his true motives are (why someone would go to such lengths).
My kids do not answer the phone when I'm not home. They are instructed to let the machine pick up the call so the person can leave a message.
I don't want them telling people I'm not home and I don't trust them to write down messages and remember to give them to me, because they've forgotten to do so in the past.
My close friends all have my cell phone number. I couldn't imagine someone calling my house more than once unless it was an emergency. I would assume they would leave a message and wait for me to call back.
The kid was rude for saying what he did, but he was probably annoyed and lost his patience.
There's a back-story going on here, which I vaguely remember from a couple of months ago! It goes roughly like this: OP (who is only in his early or mid-twenties himself) has a teenage cousin in another state who got in with the wrong crowd. So OP visited the teenager a while back for a week with a view to sorting out the kid (even though his mother wasn't happy cuz he took time out of school and hadn't been getting the greatest of grades).
OP thought the visit went well, so then decided he should go and live with the cousin and his parents because he single-handedly could turn the kid around. He justified that his uncle should accept him into his home, because many years ago the uncle (who I think was just a child at the time) had stayed for a few months with the OP's parents. OP was upset because the uncle wouldn't give him a firm yes or no about him moving in. The uncle's wife was not at all keen. OP was insistent that he had the right to move in because of the uncle having stayed with the OP's family years ago.
Anyway, I don't know if the uncle ever said a firm yes, but either way the OP has been making plans to go (lots of posts about his planned trip if you check his recent posts).
I would hazard the guess that the OP would not or could not pick up on the hints/statements that the uncle did not want him there - and they've been reduced to ignoring his phone calls as it's the only option left to them! I suspect when he gets there, he'll find the doors firmly locked too!
I couldn't figure out why I had this poster on 'ignore' until I got to this post. Now I remember. Talk about a brick wall! 5 pages and people are actually responding.
The cousin (not uncle) and his wife told him MONTHS AGO that he is not welcome and cannot move in with them and should make other arrangements. In addition to the ridiculous excuse above as to why he feels the cousin should take him in, this poster has also stated that because his cousin is now taking care of the poster's father, he is also obligated to support HIM. His mother told him to leave them alone, his aunt told him so too.
I hope the cousin has contacted the authorities in anticipation of the OP's attempt to barge into their home.
Thanks Kobber for the post and the reminder of what is REALLY going on here!
Oh, now I remember this OP's threads too! I will say no more.
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