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Why would someone saying that you are lucky be offensive to you? I don't get that. I get that you made sacrifices to stay home, but some women don't have that option - there are no additional sacrifices they can make. I realize that's not true for everyone but for many it is. So, to me, the fact that you were even able to make the decision and still get by is something some women might easily be envious of. I fail to see how that could be offensive.
You could just be thankful and say "yes, it involved some big life changes but we are fortunate to be able to make it work"
Last edited by maciesmom; 05-29-2011 at 06:24 PM..
I don't think anyone likes to hear how LUCKY they are for this or that. That's why I just don't go there.
Oh I don't know... I've heard things like how lucky I am to have great kids. I guess I could get "offended" and say there was no luck involved just hard work. Or Icould accept the compliment in the way it was most likely intended, and say thank you.
I just think life is awfully short to be looking that hard for things to get offended over. And I think even things that mostly are the result of hard work have frequently had the benefit of a little luck here and there. <shrugs>
Last edited by maciesmom; 05-29-2011 at 08:51 PM..
It offends me because LUCK had nothing to do with it - it was hard choices that began BEFORE I had kids. When folks make the defense "I didn't have a choice..." well, that's not true. Very few women that have made this remark end it there, which is why I know it wasn't a compliment. Usually it's followed up with something like, "I'd be so BORED if I had to watch Barney all day long". I'm not dumb enough to think that's a compliment or wistful thinking on their part. It's a veiled insult - but only those truly unhappy and bitter with their choices voice it out loud. As I've gotten older, it's become easier not to retort, and instead just look at them with the pity they deserve.
BTW, when you hear someone say they worked their way through Harvard, do you tell them they are "lucky", or do you congratulate them on their hard work?
Moderator cut: Removed off-topic comments.
Last edited by JustJulia; 05-30-2011 at 07:05 AM..
It offends me because LUCK had nothing to do with it - it was hard choices that began BEFORE I had kids. When folks make the defense "I didn't have a choice..." well, that's not true. Very few women that have made this remark end it there, which is why I know it wasn't a compliment. Usually it's followed up with something like, "I'd be so BORED if I had to watch Barney all day long". I'm not dumb enough to think that's a compliment or wistful thinking on their part. It's a veiled insult - but only those truly unhappy and bitter with their choices voice it out loud. As I've gotten older, it's become easier not to retort, and instead just look at them with the pity they deserve.
BTW, when you hear someone say they worked their way through Harvard, do you tell them they are "lucky", or do you congratulate them on their hard work?
Well, I understand ~ it does get OLD to be told how 'lucky' you are. I didn't appreciate hearing from my SAHM friends that I was 'lucky' to be a single parent and not have to deal with a husband. Because I did NOT go around telling them they were 'lucky' that they didn't have to work; had plenty of money to spend; and people to help them clean. So WHY IN THE WORLD would they feel the need to say that to me????
So - ya - at times it is indeed offensive.
Now, we are all still friends so obviously I didn't go off the deep end about it - but I eventually did tell them I was tired of hearing about how 'lucky' I was.
Last edited by JustJulia; 05-30-2011 at 07:08 AM..
Reason: Removed reference to deleted comment.
the "working Mom vs Stay At home Mom" argument has been argued to death. I'm tired to hearing abut it and it will never go away. But in this thread? Really?
Why would someone saying that you are lucky be offensive to you? I don't get that. I get that you made sacrifices to stay home, but some women don't have that option - there are no additional sacrifices they can make. I realize that's not true for everyone but for many it is. So, to me, the fact that you were even able to make the decision and still get by is something some women might easily be envious of. I fail to see how that could be offensive.
You could just be thankful and say "yes, it involved some big life changes but we are fortunate to be able to make it work"
I have said that on numerous times. I guess what is offensive to me is the implication that staying home is all fun & games and that it is easier.
I don't feel it is easier to work nor do I feel it is easier not to work. I think that both take obvious sacrifice and it is offensive when someone implies that their "job" is more difficult.
It is also offensive when they say things like "man, do you know how much I could get done in a day if I stayed home " or better yet " I would love to be home because you know that at least one day you could spend it doing something completely for you, I would be getting a pedicure every week ! " .
THAT is so far from the truth of my reality. This particular person that I am speaking about who feels the need to comment like this all the time is clearly working to fill her own needs, it is not to fill any financial issues. Her husband does extremely well and it is obvious what goes on in the household with spending. So, to me, that is offensive.
It is not necessary to comment about it on an almost daily basis.
I have said that on numerous times. I guess what is offensive to me is the implication that staying home is all fun & games and that it is easier.
I don't feel it is easier to work nor do I feel it is easier not to work. I think that both take obvious sacrifice and it is offensive when someone implies that their "job" is more difficult.
It is also offensive when they say things like "man, do you know how much I could get done in a day if I stayed home " or better yet " I would love to be home because you know that at least one day you could spend it doing something completely for you, I would be getting a pedicure every week ! " .
THAT is so far from the truth of my reality. This particular person that I am speaking about who feels the need to comment like this all the time is clearly working to fill her own needs, it is not to fill any financial issues. Her husband does extremely well and it is obvious what goes on in the household with spending. So, to me, that is offensive.
It is not necessary to comment about it on an almost daily basis.
I can understand why those comments would be annoying. I don't think that most women (who I've heard anyway) express that "luck" comment as a slam by any stretch. They often really DO wish they could have that time with their kids. Yes, some most likely could make some serious sacrifices and do it. But not all can. Having done both, I've also been on the wistful end of it. Thinking how nice it would be to not come home from one job only to have any entire other job waiting for me when I got home. Same old thing though - there are tactless people on both sides of the fence. Sorry you have a tactless friend.
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