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Do you think she plans on going back to work when the kids go to school?
I was an older mom--was married almost 11 years when my son was born, I had a great career. I totally enjoyed everything about staying home with my son --except the housework of course--we were in the position and still are to have help with the heavy cleaning. I have had a lot of responsibilities associated with my husband's career. It made it much easier to handle staying home.
My son and daughter-in-law married at a much older age than we did. They bought a nice home, saved money and decided to start a family. They were married for 3 years when my granddaughter was born.My daughter in law worked until about 3 weeks before she delivered. She is a great mom and sends lots of photos and videos, and calls me every other day. Her parents are in the UK for at least 3 more years, so I have been mother and mother-in-law to her. She says she thinks she might work part time when my granddaughter goes to school, but only while she is in school. She is not sure.
Yes my mom stayed home, as did my grandmother's--but as ivory said my grandmothers really worked because they lived on farms. My mother's mom did have a post high school degree--from a Normal Finishing School.
Ok, come up with 30 hours of extra work done by SAHM's that WM's don't do.....
This is common sense.
Seriously?
While I truly do understand some of your points, it is foolish to say that a SAHM with preschoolers does not have more "work" (playing outside, coloring, teaching abcs, playing games, etc) than a WM. If that wasn't the case the kids wouldn't have to go to daycare.
I mean my dcp WORKED the whole time she was there. She didn't have down time where she sat around much beyond her lunch break. So how could it be any different for a SAHM?
I'm just going to say this before I quit banging my head against a brick wall.
It's not about housework, or who brings home the bacon, or whether or not your daughter's going to college (as if a person has no need for education, regardless of their sex or parenting).
I have one child, I'll only ever have one child, and I want to be with her, or her Daddy to be with her, while she's little. It's what WE want. It's why we had her, so we could be with her.
That's it. And it's important to us, and that's the end of the discussion. All the other rationale is a bunch of baloney. As she gets older, it'll be a changing scenario. But everyone's choice is valid in their own lives. For them. That's it.
When you have a choice, and we do because our working status really doesn't matter, this is all that matters. If it's what you want, congratulations on having been dealt a winning hand that let you choose.
I was an older mom--was married almost 11 years when my son was born, I had a great career. I totally enjoyed everything about staying home with my son --except the housework of course--we were in the position and still are to have help with the heavy cleaning. I have had a lot of responsibilities associated with my husband's career. It made it much easier to handle staying home.
My son and daughter-in-law married at a much older age than we did. They bought a nice home, saved money and decided to start a family. They were married for 3 years when my granddaughter was born.My daughter in law worked until about 3 weeks before she delivered. She is a great mom and sends lots of photos and videos, and calls me every other day. Her parents are in the UK for at least 3 more years, so I have been mother and mother-in-law to her. She says she thinks she might work part time when my granddaughter goes to school, but only while she is in school. She is not sure.
Yes my mom stayed home, as did my grandmother's--but as ivory said my grandmothers really worked because they lived on farms. My mother's mom did have a post high school degree--from a Normal Finishing School.
Interesting. Wasn't it sort of unusual for you to wait so long at that time to have your son? I only ask because my mom was early 30s when I was born in 70s and I noticed most of my friends parents were much younger. My mom did go back to work when I went to preschool but until I was in elementary school she only worked part time. I think it is interesting how what was unusual (waiting til a bit older) to have kids is much more the norm.
My grandmother had my father when she was 35 after working as a social worker for 10+ years, she always told me she wanted to go back to work but in the early 40s it just was not done. End of story. So even though she had a Harvard degree (my grandmother was a radical in her day) she was forced to be a SAHM. I wonder that she would have taken more joy in it if it had been a choice instead of a requirement.
While I truly do understand some of your points, it is foolish to say that a SAHM with preschoolers does not have more "work" (playing outside, coloring, teaching abcs, playing games, etc) than a WM. If that wasn't the case the kids wouldn't have to go to daycare.
I mean my dcp WORKED the whole time she was there. She didn't have down time where she sat around much beyond her lunch break. So how could it be any different for a SAHM?
UGH. I've been a mom to preschoolers. As a WM, I spent, appx, 1150 days home with a preschooler in the house. I know how much work is involved and it's not much over what I did on work days. It's proprotional. Working moms know how much work there is to being home with a preschooler because we actually are home with our preschoolers about 1/3 of the time. In my case, it's more because I worked part time after dd#2 was born. I know full well how much work I had to do as a FTWM, a PTWM and when I was off on leaves and I can tell you I did less work per hour home on days home. It's a much lighter load because while you do pick up a little extra work, you pick up a lot of hours to do it in.
You do realize that WM's are home all day about 1/3 of all days, right? You do realize that we're also home every evening, right? We know how much more housework we have on daysevenings we're home than days we work and it's measured in minutes per day (except for the stuff we put off until the weekend). It's all relative.
You act like we have no idea what it's like to be home with a child all day when we do it every weekend!!!
FYI, I worked 2 jobs, and still work one part time job. I know what *I* do every night and every weekend, every day. I do NOT know, or care, what stay at home moms do with their every waking moment. I am not about to sit around figuring and comparing minutes of housework they do vs. what I do, and reading studies that prove I am superior above them. As a busy working parent, that is a waste of valuable time. I do not have time to concern myself with what's going on in the rest of the world's homes. My only concern is my own. Everybody else can do whatever works for them and whatever they are comfortable with, and as long as they are happy and their children are happy I.don't.care.
That's great you are a working mom if that's what YOU want to do. How about laying off everybody else for their choices?
UGH. I've been a mom to preschoolers. As a WM, I spent, appx, 1150 days home with a preschooler in the house. I know how much work is involved and it's not much over what I did on work days. It's proprotional. Working moms know how much work there is to being home with a preschooler because we actually are home with our preschoolers about 1/3 of the time. In my case, it's more because I worked part time after dd#2 was born. I know full well how much work I had to do as a FTWM, a PTWM and when I was off on leaves and I can tell you I did less work per hour home on days home. It's a much lighter load because while you do pick up a little extra work, you pick up a lot of hours to do it in.
That was not my experience. And I also have experience both as WM and SAHM to two preschoolers.
I also have to seriously question the idea its a "little" extra work. you just got done raving about your dcp, do you think she only did a "little" work with your children? Because while there maybe less kids (and I only had two to deal with instead of 6 per two teachers at my daycare) not only do you need to do all that the daycare does, I also did the housework that my daycare did not do.
Really do you think your daycare provider only does a "little bit" of work?
This is a silly thread really, mostly being blown up by a "working mom" that's a teacher who probably gets off at 3pm every afternoon and doesn't have to work for three months a year. Its kind of like everyone yelling "I hate accountants! How on earth could you, stranger on the internet, have the nerve to become an accountant!"
I'm a SAHM, I too have a cleaning lady and a lawn guy. I have coffee with my friends once a week, spend time volunteering for nonprofits and playing with my kids when I could have a "real job." Every once in a while I spend entire mornings drinking coffee and reading a book. Why do you care? If I wanted to I could get a job that pays more than yours does but I don't need to and I don't want to. If there was ever a need for me to, I would.
You think I'm "useless," I think I'm leading a chaos-free life filled with long afternoons at the park, good books and volunteering for causes that matter to me.
I generally don't discuss my reasons for wanting to stay home because inevitably it will end up offending someone but after all of Ivory's digs at SAHM's, you are right, my back is against the wall. I have reasons for choosing to stay at home that are important to me. The biggest one is that I personally felt that it was very important for me to be with my infant daughters rather then send them to daycare. Others may not feel the same way and that's fine. I have no problem with that. Staying home with my kids is very important to me.
And that's all that matters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
How much more? Seriously, time studies only show about 3 more hours a week of housework being done in SAHP households. Certainly not enough to make a job out of it.
I always hear this argument but it's stupid. Anyone with a brain knows we're talking less than an hour a day of actual work more and the SAHM has 9 more hours at home to get it done. Considering all the extra time she has to get it done, it's inconsequential. She, definitely, does less housework than my dcp did while watching the kids.
you keep arguing and nitpicking about how much house work one person has vs another, but you conveniently ignore the posts that point out the other things SAHM's do. As I mentioned before, there is 1/2 day preschool, play groups, museums, zoos, classroom volunteering, getting to know the other parents, etc. etc. You can't do that on the same scale a SAHM can. Those things aren't "necessary" but they are important and they enrich your child's life. It isn't about house work. at all. I don't stay home to do housework. I stay home to spend time with my kids. There is no dollar value that can be put on that.
ETA do you have parent volunteers in your class? Do you appreciate them? I bet they're almost all SAHMs
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When you have a choice, and we do because our working status really doesn't matter, this is all that matters. If it's what you want, congratulations on having been dealt a winning hand that let you choose.
I have coffee with my friends once a week, spend time volunteering for nonprofits and playing with my kids when I could have a "real job." Every once in a while I spend entire mornings drinking coffee and reading a book. Why do you care? If I wanted to I could get a job that pays more than yours does but I don't need to and I don't want to. If there was ever a need for me to, I would. 
