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If so, when? And how would you word it? What sort of advice would you give?
My son still has a long way to go before even preschool. But I got to thinking about it the other day, and a worry popped up: What if my warnings only serve to cause undue apprehension, thus making him an even easier target for bullies? But then, perhaps not being warned at all could be worse!
So I have a worrying problem, as you can see. But I was curious as to what insight some of you might have (particularly those of you have a kid already in school, but I'd like to hear from everyone). What's a parent to do?
If so, when? And how would you word it? What sort of advice would you give?
My son still has a long way to go before even preschool. But I got to thinking about it the other day, and a worry popped up: What if my warnings only serve to cause undue apprehension, thus making him an even easier target for bullies? But then, perhaps not being warned at all could be worse!
So I have a worrying problem, as you can see. But I was curious as to what insight some of you might have (particularly those of you have a kid already in school, but I'd like to hear from everyone). What's a parent to do?
My little sister had an issue in the second grade with some kids picking on her teeth *a little crooked*. So i just told her to just plainly ignore the fact the kids existed, and i mean pretend they weren't there at all. Well anyway she did that the the 2 girls threw a tantrum, and told the teacher that she needed to stop ignoring them lol.
My little sister had an issue in the second grade with some kids picking on her teeth *a little crooked*. So i just told her to just plainly ignore the fact the kids existed, and i mean pretend they weren't there at all. Well anyway she did that the the 2 girls threw a tantrum, and told the teacher that she needed to stop ignoring them lol.
Haha, wow. Yeah, I've considered the ignoring strategy. I think in most cases, it's the best way to go.
Wait until it happens, and deal with it then. You won't know if it will happen or how mild or serious it might be until it does happen.
Some kids just don't get bullied. I was really worried about my youngest because she's very small for her age (she's in first grade and just outgrew her 3T pants). She doesn't have any problems at all though. She said that in kindergarten a couple of boys called her little and she said, "Wow, you just noticed that now? How smart you are!" and that was it.
Kids are aware of bullying from the very first disney movies they watch. At their core, the bad guys are usually bullies first and foremost. I told my daughter after we saw Lilo and Stich, and the little girls were "mean" to Lilo that kids are mean sometimes. We also talked about how Lilo and Stitch were mean sometimes too. I think that movie is a great allegory for bullying, especially the idea that most kids are both the victim and bully at some point or another.
If so, when? And how would you word it? What sort of advice would you give?
My son still has a long way to go before even preschool. But I got to thinking about it the other day, and a worry popped up: What if my warnings only serve to cause undue apprehension, thus making him an even easier target for bullies? But then, perhaps not being warned at all could be worse!
So I have a worrying problem, as you can see. But I was curious as to what insight some of you might have (particularly those of you have a kid already in school, but I'd like to hear from everyone). What's a parent to do?
Lol..hey Vic..strange for me to find you on here…
Well as a PARENT and an educational specialist which I have been form many years extending into different arenas of education I will tell you what I think…
Generally telling “young” children is not needed since most of the education can be taught without it formally being given a name.
Self advocacy and assertiveness can be taught at a very early age just by utilizing “teachable” moments..
This behavior can be seen on the playground as early as toddler hood. Scenario..
Your child is playing in the sandbox, they have a dump truck and are playing well and constructively, another child comes up and tries to take the toy…your child “cries”
This is a perfect example of a teachable moment…You tell the other child, “they were not done playing with it yet, you look to your child and you “give” them the words..not a sentence… “not done yet” And you tell the other child “you can ask them if you can play with it” “And he will let you know when he is done”
You have now shown your child problem resolution and to use their words..
I have always thought that PARENTS are their child’s first teachers and it is up to parents to guide them and give them direction when they are learning…be an advocate and one does not have to be mean or provide a lecture it is simple and it starts very young. As simple as looking at your child and allowing them to decide…”Are you done playing with this? It is okay if you are not” If they shake their head “No”? Then tell them “Tell little annie that YOU ARE NOT DONE YET” In doing this very simple act you have empowered your child. This allows them to know that they have a say in their “life”
I RECALL A time when I was in college and my son was attending pre-k there was this child whom shared the same name as my son and his family was going through a divorce this child would kick my son everyday..
Because I have always taught my son to advocate for himself no matter what, to use his words he would tell this kid “stop” but this kid did not listen..And one day my son 4 at the time came home with a bruise on his knee and he told me that this kid kicked him after he said “stop” I told him that it was okay to protect himself…and I spoke to the mother of the child who was an idiot.. So the next time this happened? My son kicked him back…and when I was informed of this at his school? I advocated for my son and stated that this has been ongoing for some time and my son was protecting himself…
Since that day? My son is 14 now, slight in frame but he knows how to stick up for himself, he is witty which can alsobe taught…he does not fall prey to peer pressure which is also taught…
I am proud to say he is different because he was given a private education and instilled with faith and love yet he is smart because the lessons he learned when he was very young…
My point? There are ways of teaching your child to be a leader and not prey …but it means being active, being an advocate without letting them know that you are preparing them for bullies…
Kids are aware of bullying from the very first disney movies they watch. At their core, the bad guys are usually bullies first and foremost. I told my daughter after we saw Lilo and Stich, and the little girls were "mean" to Lilo that kids are mean sometimes. We also talked about how Lilo and Stitch were mean sometimes too. I think that movie is a great allegory for bullying, especially the idea that most kids are both the victim and bully at some point or another.
Hey VIC...another perfect EXAMPLE of using a teachable moment...
This "smart" parent used a cartoon to talk to their child of how not to be and again how to be assertive..
This parent taught their child of how NOT to act, while teaching them EMPATHY .....
Again the subject can be taught many different ways without having to give a lecture...
Thanks, dr74. I agree, teaching your child to be assertive and stand up for his rights early on is a great way to prepare him without bringing it up immediately before he starts school! It's a good idea. I'd like to ask, though, about your scenario in which another kid was bullying yours physically. You didn't mention talking with the teacher, but surely you did? I wouldn't imagine talking to the parent of a child like that WOULD do much good, but it is worth a shot if you can't resolve it with a teacher.
Also, I think your story can serve as a reminder for us all to encourage our kids (though it may not work as well as we'd like) to communicate with us about the events of their day. Preventing a one-time thing isn't nearly as important as preventing an everyday routine of being bullied; this is what is likely to actually damage that assertiveness you've been teaching. Perhaps some kids will still choose not to say anything about another kid bullying them, but it's something they should know, that they can and should tell us if someone's being cruel to them.
Oh yeah, what do you mean "Strange to find you here"? I'm ALWAYS on this board!
Thanks, dr74. I agree, teaching your child to be assertive and stand up for his rights early on is a great way to prepare him without bringing it up immediately before he starts school! It's a good idea. I'd like to ask, though, about your scenario in which another kid was bullying yours physically. You didn't mention talking with the teacher, but surely you did? I wouldn't imagine talking to the parent of a child like that WOULD do much good, but it is worth a shot if you can't resolve it with a teacher.
See this is a huge part of the problem, "a parent of a child LIKE THAT"?? It makes it sound as if there is something wrong with the child and the parent. MOST children bully, including physically, at some point in their lives, just as most kids are bullied at some point. We need to stop pretending that a child who engages in bullying behavior is inherently "bad". They aren't they are just behaving badly and need to be corrected the way any other behavior would be.
Again, why I like Lilo so much. She is the heroine of the movie and is a "bully" towards the other little girls in the film, including hitting, biting and hair pulling. She isn't a bad kid and learns to interact in a much more positive way at the end of the film.
It is nearly impossible to teach kids, who are much more likely to see things in overly simplistic terms, about the nuances of social interaction if their parents are so quick to label others.
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