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I have always taught my daughter to try and resolve issues with talking with the person. I have also let her know she is allowed to defend herself in anyone lays their hands on her.
She hasn't been "bullied", but kids can say and do some really rotten things to eachother. I have let her know that no matter who you are kids will always find something to tease you about. Whether it be you are too tall, too short, too skinny, not skinny enough, have red hair, have freckles, etc... and not to take it to heart. Just know that for some reason that person is having a bad day and they want you to feel as bad as they do. Don't allow them to do that.
See this is a huge part of the problem, "a parent of a child LIKE THAT"?? It makes it sound as if there is something wrong with the child and the parent. MOST children bully, including physically, at some point in their lives...
I can only agree that most children "bully" with WORDS at some point or another, but kicking another kid unprovoked is a different story. At least in my experience.
And I didn't mean to imply there are "bad kids" and "good kids"; I don't believe that at all. But in this case, "a child like that" = "a child that goes around physically bullying another, not once but on a regular basis". Or, if it's more agreeable for you, "a child that needs to be (and isn't) corrected".
I can only agree that most children "bully" with WORDS at some point or another, but kicking another kid unprovoked is a different story. At least in my experience.
And I didn't mean to imply there are "bad kids" and "good kids"; I don't believe that at all. But in this case, "a child like that" = "a child that goes around physically bullying another, not once but on a regular basis". Or, if it's more agreeable for you, "a child that needs to be (and isn't) corrected".
Type of bullying tends to be age dependent. Therefore most bullying in younger grades is physical and switches to more verbal and psychological when they get older. Interestingly there is little difference in effect on the child being bullied whether it is physical or verbal.
And yes, young children are more likely to physically bully than to emotionally bully, even if that is not your personal experience. That is not from my personal experience but the state mandated training and review of research I have had to complete on my school's behalf.
FYI, if something happens "ONCE" it is not "bullying".
dr74 mentioned briefly their experience with the parent of the child doing the bullying. "and I spoke to the mother of the child who was an idiot.." This is what I was replying to. It stands to reason that children who kick others without being provoked and on a regular basis do not represent the majority, and that their parents don't either.
Your comparison of preschool children and older kids (how they go from physical to verbal bullying) is noted. However, this sort of supports the conclusion that most kids do NOT bully physically, because so many of them grow out of it and (if anything) move on to verbal bullying instead.
I hesitate to even say most kids actually BULLY others verbally at some point or another, too. It depends on how you define it. Just like you said, one time is not bullying. So that does even more to convince me that most kids do not actually bully others, though they may insult or mock one kid at a time at random.
If so, when? And how would you word it? What sort of advice would you give?
My son still has a long way to go before even preschool. But I got to thinking about it the other day, and a worry popped up: What if my warnings only serve to cause undue apprehension, thus making him an even easier target for bullies? But then, perhaps not being warned at all could be worse!
So I have a worrying problem, as you can see. But I was curious as to what insight some of you might have (particularly those of you have a kid already in school, but I'd like to hear from everyone). What's a parent to do?
Many children never are bullied so I can't see trying to make a child apprehensive and fearful before they even encounter anything. I think often the warnings will become self-fulfilling.
Many kids do just fine, I would instead watch for signs that the child is having trouble adjusting. If the child seems frightened or reluctant to go to school, fakes illness. A normal child will miss 0-2 days of school a year, if the child claims he or she is feeling too sick for school, most likely there are problems.
My child in 2nd grade was complaining about a kid slugging him. He said that every time he passed by this other boy, that boy would slug him. Since my son didn't seem overly disturbed or sad, just expressing anger, otherwise was fine with school, I just listened. It got to the point where he said he was going to get in a fight with this other boy even if I didn't think he should. I told him just ignore him, don't get into a fight.
Soon after that my son was asking me if he could invite this other boy to the house to play -- I asked him isn't that kid your enemy and he responded he wasn't any more, he said the other kid was just doing all that to get his attention because he wanted to make friends with him. They're became best buddies for a few years and are still friends to this day.
My child in 2nd grade was complaining about a kid slugging him. He said that every time he passed by this other boy, that boy would slug him. Since my son didn't seem overly disturbed or sad, just expressing anger, otherwise was fine with school, I just listened. It got to the point where he said he was going to get in a fight with this other boy even if I didn't think he should. I told him just ignore him, don't get into a fight.
Soon after that my son was asking me if he could invite this other boy to the house to play -- I asked him isn't that kid your enemy and he responded he wasn't any more, he said the other kid was just doing all that to get his attention because he wanted to make friends with him. They're became best buddies for a few years and are still friends to this day.
I agree. Ask twice as many questions as the number of answers you give; that's my philosophy. Kids don't always discern a situation correctly. And it's tempting for parents to make assumptions based on the picture their kids are painting. And another moral of your story is that sometimes, kids can just work things out amongst themselves. What you said about watching your kid closely for signs they're not adjusting well comes back into play. I really think many cases of bullying continuing on is a lack of communication between the parent and child, which sometimes the parent has to initiate, even if the child is usually outspoken. Never just assume a young child's gonna tell you everything right away.
dr74 mentioned briefly their experience with the parent of the child doing the bullying. "and I spoke to the mother of the child who was an idiot.." This is what I was replying to. It stands to reason that children who kick others without being provoked and on a regular basis do not represent the majority, and that their parents don't either.
Your comparison of preschool children and older kids (how they go from physical to verbal bullying) is noted. However, this sort of supports the conclusion that most kids do NOT bully physically, because so many of them grow out of it and (if anything) move on to verbal bullying instead.
I hesitate to even say most kids actually BULLY others verbally at some point or another, too. It depends on how you define it. Just like you said, one time is not bullying. So that does even more to convince me that most kids do not actually bully others, though they may insult or mock one kid at a time at random.
I am sorry but you are wrong. If you look at the large anonymous surveys of students that are out there. Most students have engaged in classic behaviors which count as bullying even if the kids do not self identify as "bullies". Which BTW is defined as any form of systematic harassment (verbal, emotional or physical) which involves an imbalance of power between the people involved. And fyi, again, if a child is being mocked and each student does it "one time at random" that is still considered systematic bullying.
I am sorry but you are wrong. If you look at the large anonymous surveys of students that are out there. Most students have engaged in classic behaviors which count as bullying even if the kids do not self identify as "bullies". Which BTW is defined as any form of systematic harassment (verbal, emotional or physical) which involves an imbalance of power between the people involved. And fyi, again, if a child is being mocked and each student does it "one time at random" that is still considered systematic bullying.
This is true. I helped my husband research a paper for his sociology class. He chose cyberbullying as his topic, having seen the language and verbal abuse in online games like Halo. The bolded statement is exactly right. Kids don't think of themselves as bullies, but almost all of them (and probably almost all of us too) have done things that would be regarded as bullying.
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