Why don't we teach kids to stand up for themselves? (ADHD, bullying)
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What is it with schools these days and now allowing kids to stick up for themselves? It is like these schools are ASKING for these poor kids to get bullied. If these overly sensitive parents and teachers would just allow the kids getting bullied to defend themselves and not get suspended for trying to help themselves it would probably prevent a lot of bullying. I find it pathetic when a kid gets tormented for god knows how long and he has his parents telling him to not do anything because a teacher might suspend him? I'm sorry but something needs to be changed here, and it needs to be looked into a lot better than what it is. I feel everyone has become so weak they can't even defend themselves anymore.
So if we teach them might is right, all the bullies will fade away? Who do we think will then become the new bullies?
Why don't we instead teach them that words do not mean anything. People are allowed to say stupid things that make the speaker look stupid..and teach them that there is JUSTICE and an appropriate manner in which to address a grievance without resorting to violence..I have worked with my students in getting them to just tell the bully NO. They also support each other when a bully arises in the classroom. Very quickly the bully backs down once they realize there is no audience for their show.
What is it with schools these days and now allowing kids to stick up for themselves? It is like these schools are ASKING for these poor kids to get bullied. If these overly sensitive parents and teachers would just allow the kids getting bullied to defend themselves and not get suspended for trying to help themselves it would probably prevent a lot of bullying. I find it pathetic when a kid gets tormented for god knows how long and he has his parents telling him to not do anything because a teacher might suspend him? I'm sorry but something needs to be changed here, and it needs to be looked into a lot better than what it is. I feel everyone has become so weak they can't even defend themselves anymore.
Teacher's don't suspend. Administration does.
Other than that I think you make some valid points. When my daughter was in K she had the class bully annoying her by poking her over and over in the backpack. My daughter is kind of timid, small for age, and, I love her, but she's kind of geeky like her mother. She's that sweet little girl who gets along well with adults and has never had a real confrontation in her life. I'm emphasizing this so you can see how out of character this is for her. The TA told me she was about to say something when my daughter turned around, pointed a finger in his face, and said "if you do that again I am going to kick your a**." To this day I don't know if this is a true story, that is so unlike my daughter. But the kid never bothered her again. So it worked in this situation.
But it doesn't work with girls who get older. Then it is cruel words, and now with the internet it is something that can last forever. So running around throwing punches isn't going to solve everything. I agree there is a time when you have to stand up for yourself, but kids can't really tell when that time is.
What is it with schools these days and now allowing kids to stick up for themselves? It is like these schools are ASKING for these poor kids to get bullied. If these overly sensitive parents and teachers would just allow the kids getting bullied to defend themselves and not get suspended for trying to help themselves it would probably prevent a lot of bullying. I find it pathetic when a kid gets tormented for god knows how long and he has his parents telling him to not do anything because a teacher might suspend him? I'm sorry but something needs to be changed here, and it needs to be looked into a lot better than what it is. I feel everyone has become so weak they can't even defend themselves anymore.
I don't have a problem with school's no-tolerance policy on fighting. It's not the school's place to judge whether this punch was deserved but that one wasn't. It's up to parents--not schools--to teach their kids to stand up for themselves. If a parent feels that telling a teacher is better, fine. If a parent feels that it's OK for a kid to sock a bully, that's also a choice. It's just important to consider that fighting at school for any reason will result in punishment for the school--accept the punishment at school but do your own thing at home. It's also important to remember that victim-socks-bully-and-everything-ends-well is a movie plot ... not always real life so much.
That's not always the case, and if you go beat up the bully it doesn't always end well. But it should help to teach your kid to be able to stick up for himself, and give him confidence. I'm sorry but this idea that a teacher can help a kid who is being bullied is absolute BS. The only person who can help themself from a bully is THAT PERSON. If you go tell a teacher, you're going to get mocked more. Kids should be taught to stick up for themselves in a smart way, whether it be to say something really mean back, go beat the crap out of the bully or do something to him in a place where he won't get suspended... but the current way things are, kids are being raised to be way too weak and it isn't helping them get anywhere. The successful people are the ones who fight in any situation, whether it be a physical or mental fight.
This mainly goes for guys, girls are far too evil to eachother for me to being to cover them
I think it's tough. Kids may not get the mixed message. On the one hand, you want them to learn that violence isn't the answer. But then you want to teach them that sometimes it's appropriate? It may be too complex to wrap their heads around.
I'd advocate (in childhood) simply ignoring this kind of crud.
If the bullying is indeed physical, saying that you can't touch anyone except in explicit self-defense might be easier to grasp.
burgler09...you surely don't expect the school to condone violence......I don't think it's really the schools fault if the parents are telling their child to just take the bullying,so they won't get suspended....blame the parents...they would be the ones teaching their children that "might is right", and that being "physically" in school is more important than their kids distress.....Some parents will council their children to give em a good punch, and the kid will (who cares if he/she's suspended) and it will work...the bullies will move on to an easier more passive target...but then there are many children who almost literally can't fight back...these children need help, and unfortunately our schools seem to be sadly pathetic at supporting these students to have a safe and enjoyable learning experience...which I feel they deserve....I do totally agree with you when you say that "it needs to be looked into a lot better than it is".
One of my kids went through a situation a few years ago with a couple of kids. I'm not sure that I'd call them bullies. My kid told the teacher, and this really did very little.
Well, you don't have to guess what my DH started to advocate for. Honestly there are some situations where the bullied kid has to be physically forceful to extricate himself from the situation
Our school had a classic bully once (his family finally moved). Other kids were constantly getting suspended along with this kid for fighting back. We live in a very small town were parents know all the other parents which helps. Parents of the kids who were getting bullied stood up against the school board and defended their children. This kid pulled knives on other kids, said the most horrible things to girls, was racist and his parents defended him with the "He has ADD/ADHD and anger management issues" and pulled the disabled card. That still didn't work in their favor. Parents need to stand up to real bullies. If another kid is calling your child names or talking about them behind their backs, that is not bullying but everyday life. If a kid is a physical or emotional threat or openly racist then that is a bully and he/she needs to be stopped by parents banding together and fighting the school and their rules. If your child is reprimanded or suspended for standing up, then so be it. That is not going to teach your child to be a bully, they obviously don't like the treatment the bully was doling out in the first place so you can rest assured that your child knows the difference between right and wrong. The best thing your child is going to learn from standing upto a bully is self respect or respect for their peers if they are defending a friend from a bully which was the case in my son. The bully was following a girl around the playground day after day calling her the most horrid names and pushing her down. My son wasn't going to take it anymore, and grabbed the bully and let him have it smack on the nose. It didn't hurt that the girl happened to be the principals daughter but she was diplomatic and my son did get reprimanded but was also told that even though he was in trouble for breaking the rule of no fighting/hitting, he was also being commended for standing up for a friend. So the good outweighed the bad.
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