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There are always alternative options. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to figure out childcare. We had extra bedrooms in our house, so we took on live in nannies for a while. You pay them less becasue you give them room and board. They use extra space and eat what would otherwise be leftover food, so it cna be very economical. However they are nto always great people to live with so you have to be careful. We went through a lot of them, most stayed only a few months or a year and then moved on to someothing else, Some we had to fire. It was frustrating, but workable.
Frustrating but workable to have a revolving door of "not great" people living with, caring for my child? No thanks.
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We found the follwing necessary to give up at times (some risk involved):
Life insurance.
Medical insurance beyond major medical.
Umbrella liabilty insurance.
Wow, what do you have, like five kids? Thats no a time to be going without life , medical, or liability insurance?
Cable TV
Health Club memberships.
Comprehensive automobile insurance
Wine of the month club.
Movies.
Dining out.
Meat.(reduced)
vacations.
brand name clothing and food.
dry cleaning (partially - we laundred and ironed shirts, removed and hung up work clothes immediately so we could wear them again before cleaning).
Private school.
Social clubs with a monthly fee.
Alcohol.
We found the follwing necessary to give up at times (some risk involved):
Life insurance.
Medical insurance beyond major medical.
Umbrella liabilty insurance.
You know, there are those of us with only one kid (or no kids!) who don't have cable/satellite, belong to a gym, go on vacations, go out to movies, have Netflix or similar, have fee-based memberships/clubs of any sort, belong to social clubs with fees involved, dry clean clothing, or eat out more than once every month or two. Heck, other than the eating out, that was my lifestyle when my husband and I were DINKs and making good money by pretty much any standard (and other than the mortgage we've never had any debt, including student loans).
I'm really not trying to pick on you, because it sounds like you guys really did make a lot of sacrifices for your kids' benefit. But so often you hear the line that "you can always afford another kid -- just make some sacrifices!" or "everyone can afford to have one parent stay home -- just make some sacrifices!" It's not true, at least not for everyone. Not everyone is living a profligate lifestyle and not everyone has fat in their budget to cut. And not everyone has the flexibility to just up and move to wherever it's cheaper. Frugality is a wonderful thing, but it can only take you so far.
Frustrating but workable to have a revolving door of "not great" people living with, caring for my child? No thanks.
Wow, what do you have, like five kids? Thats no a time to be going without life , medical, or liability insurance?
reading issue here. What I sad was not all of them were great to live with. Some of them were some were not. I did nto say any of them were not great people to care for a child, (but some of them were not great). Are you saying that you believe that you will never ever get a not great person caring for your child with outside care? That is a bit naieve. You get some not great people everywhere. The most expensive child are place will ahve some not great people working there. The cheapest will ahve some awesome people. Some of our nannies were phenominal with the kids. Some were just Ok. One was awful (but she onl lasted two days). However being great withthe kids does nto make them great to live with. Some where fine, some were difficult. Some just had cultural issues. One gal from Sierra Leone used to follow me around everywhere I went witht he kids. My wife thought she had a crush on me. Turned out that in Sierra Leone, women do not trust men to be alone with children. Not sure why, but it was just a misunderstanding that caused some issues.
No huge risk with life insurance and catastrophic health. We were so much in debt, that life insurance would not have gotten my family back to zero had i died. Bankrupcy at -$732,000 vs. Bankruptcy at -$225,000 is no different for them. I just could not die that was all there was to it. Catastrphic health insurance was also not that big a risk. We just did not go to the Dr. for little things. Kind of like when I was a kid. You did nto go to the Dr for a cold or bhronchitis or a sore throat. Luckily, we did not have big things come up. When we had only catastrophic insurance. I have never purchased disability insurance beyond what my employer provides, however when my wife left her outside job, we continued her disability for a while. We ultimately cancelled it and never got it again. You cna insurare for hundreds of things, and arguably should, but you also have to be practical. Life is all about taking risks.
You know, there are those of us with only one kid (or no kids!) who don't have cable/satellite, belong to a gym, go on vacations, go out to movies, have Netflix or similar, have fee-based memberships/clubs of any sort, belong to social clubs with fees involved, dry clean clothing, or eat out more than once every month or two. Heck, other than the eating out, that was my lifestyle when my husband and I were DINKs and making good money by pretty much any standard (and other than the mortgage we've never had any debt, including student loans).
I'm really not trying to pick on you, because it sounds like you guys really did make a lot of sacrifices for your kids' benefit. But so often you hear the line that "you can always afford another kid -- just make some sacrifices!" or "everyone can afford to have one parent stay home -- just make some sacrifices!" It's not true, at least not for everyone. Not everyone is living a profligate lifestyle and not everyone has fat in their budget to cut. And not everyone has the flexibility to just up and move to wherever it's cheaper. Frugality is a wonderful thing, but it can only take you so far.
That is true, people on welfare should not have so many kids. However when they do, the government gives them more money, so even they can afford more kids.
That is true, people on welfare should not have so many kids. However when they do, the government gives them more money, so even they can afford more kids.
I don't think the issue of whether you can afford to have kids has anything to do with welfare, necessarily. Plenty of people who can't afford a(nother) child have never been and will never be on welfare.
And I really doubt that most people on welfare would come out ahead financially by having another child. Besides, I have much less problem with my tax dollars supporting welfare recipients than I do with many other programs of our state and federal government.
No huge risk with life insurance and catastrophic health. We were so much in debt, that life insurance would not have gotten my family back to zero had i died. Bankrupcy at -$732,000 vs. Bankruptcy at -$225,000 is no different for them.
See this is where I think one should NOT judge that they are able to afford children. It is completely irresponsible, in my opinion, to wrack up dept then file bankruptcy. To have kids with bankrupcy as your financial back up plan is likewise really irresponsible, in my opinion.
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I just could not die that was all there was to it. Catastrphic health insurance was also not that big a risk. We just did not go to the Dr. for little things. Kind of like when I was a kid. You did nto go to the Dr for a cold or bhronchitis or a sore throat. Luckily, we did not have big things come up. When we had only catastrophic insurance. I have never purchased disability insurance beyond what my employer provides, however when my wife left her outside job, we continued her disability for a while. We ultimately cancelled it and never got it again. You cna insurare for hundreds of things, and arguably should, but you also have to be practical. Life is all about taking risks.
I just can't agree that it is good or responsible to allow your pure desire for children to over take the responsibility to be fiscally sound and not foist your debt on the populace.
Okay...I will come from the other side on this completely... please don't judge me, you don't know me or anything about my life, just putting in my two cents here as the OP asked.
I have three children ages 11, 8 and 2. I love them with all of my heart, but I do regret having more than one, sometimes any. Life has gotten more difficult mentally, physically and financially with each one and seeing the way my two older children fight kills me. I also have three boys. I have always wanted girls. I think if my first born was a girl, I would have had my tubes tied and been done. I still thought I had stopped and then "accidentally" got pregnant with my second, who was seriously the perfect baby. So we decided to have another. I miscarried twins. We tried for two years to have another one and we finally did and he is healthy and happy and so sweet, but it has been so hard. My oldest has Aspergers (lower scale form, but still very evident) and ADHD. On the honor roll, but struggles with daily life and it makes me very sad.
I work full time days and my husband works full time nights so he literally drops the kids off to me in my parking lot at work and he goes one way and I go the other and I am with them all night to do homework, dinner, showers, bed, etc. It has been this way since our oldest was born. I appreciate the fact that they have been with my husband during the day and not at daycare, but the schedule is so exausting for me. My older two are in school and the baby takes a three hour nap during the day, so my husband gets a bit of break when I never do.
I feel we have missed out on alot of opportunities and I have alot of regrets in life, but that is me. Everyone is different and feels different and are allowed to, its okay to feel how you want to feel whether it is acceptable by society or not. Again, I'm not saying I don't love my kids, because I absolutely love them more than anything in this world, but I have regrets, sadness and way too much stress. I work through it, but its there. My kids would never know how I feel because I don't want them to be hurt or upset and they never will know unless one day I decide to tell them, which I highly doubt I will.
I have 7 siblings. One passed when I was very young and the rest, well, I would have been happy if it were just my brother and me.
More siblings = more drama.
Just think how different your lives will be with more than one and if you can handle it emotionally, physically, etc. It is a big decision and not one to be taken lightly so its good you are thinking it through. Good luck to you and your family.
That is a very honest post, and you're very brave to share it. I know I couldn't stand the fighting and it was a big factor in deciding on having just one. And quite honestly - I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle more than 1.
See this is where I think one should NOT judge that they are able to afford children. It is completely irresponsible, in my opinion, to wrack up dept then file bankruptcy. To have kids with bankrupcy as your financial back up plan is likewise really irresponsible, in my opinion.
I just can't agree that it is good or responsible to allow your pure desire for children to over take the responsibility to be fiscally sound and not foist your debt on the populace.
Pshaw. One has nothing to do with the other. So you are opposed to school loans? Youa re opposed to incurring debt for life saving hospital treatment? If you cannto afford the bill, you should just die rather than incur debt?
Actually having kids initially helped us get out of debt because the tax write off was more than the cost.
No one is ever "fiscally sound" enough to have kids, it is just silly. If you follow the control freaks who want to tell you how to live your life and become "fiscally sound" so that you can pay for every eventuality, then only the very very elite rich should ever have kids. I simply do not buy your argument that familes are reserved only for the very rich.
Pshaw. One has nothing to do with the other. So you are opposed to school loans? Youa re opposed to incurring debt for life saving hospital treatment? If you cannto afford the bill, you should just die rather than incur debt?
I am not opposed to debt. I am opposed to using bankruptcy as a contingency plan when deciding whether or not one can afford more or any children. It sounds like you forewent insurance in order to be able to afford children. Then incurring debt in order to pay medical bills is just an irresponsible gamble that didn't pay.
I don't think a person has a *right* to as many kids as they "want".
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Actually having kids initially helped us get out of debt because the tax write off was more than the cost.
No one is ever "fiscally sound" enough to have kids, it is just silly. If you follow the control freaks who want to tell you how to live your life and become "fiscally sound" so that you can pay for every eventuality, then only the very very elite rich should ever have kids. I simply do not buy your argument that familes are reserved only for the very rich.
THAT is just silly. Having basics like medical insurance so that you can take care of the children you breed and not leave it to the taxpayers to do is being responsible. While the law might support tax payer raised children, I think it is irresponsible. That you did not wind up there is a lucky break sounds like, a gamble that DID pay. It makes a hell of a lot more sense to me to have as many as you can actually pay to raise, take to the doctor, make appropriate educational decisions for...
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