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My husband is a stay at home dad. I had been a stay at home mom in CA, and when we moved here, we decided that whoever got a job first would work, and the other would stay home until our kids were in school. I got a great job, so DH stayed at home, and I, somewhat reluctantly, went back to work.
Like everything, there are pros & cons. It was a very hard adjustment for me to go back to work after being off almost 4 yrs, and I had loved being at home. I ran my house just so, of course DH had to start from scratch. My husband, who thought he was getting off easy, had a hard time adjusting too...but has been great and REALLY knows who the kids are now, what their favorite meals are, how they like their hair combed...he really knows them. I think that is the greatest benefit from the experience. He also can't stand to leave a bed unmade or a dish unwashed (yippee!).
As far as people, they have been great and supportive. We live in a very pro-family neighborhood, and have a few dads working at home who help with kids alot, so that has not been a problem. The only problem I see coming up is now my husband is looking for a job (kids are in school). He has been honest with employers, had 5 interviews and no luck. I think a man telling a man that he stayed home with the kids is too much for most male employers, so since he has worked very part time at home, he is stating that that was his last job. No gap in employment, no questions. A little white lie, yes, but what are you going to do?
I think I would have no problem with a stay at home dad, if he did everything that I was used to doing when I was at home. I have seen this situation before with people I respected very much and the father was AMAZING.
My problem is I never intended to be the sole breadwinner. Hubby had a long term illness that forced me into the market.....I understood and was able to deal with that. What it has become however is a convenient excuse.
"Well, I can't just go look for work. Someone has to take care of our son and we are NOT doing a sitter."
I get frustrated because he doesn't DO anything. He reads.....plays online games......piddles with his hobbies. The house is occassionaly cleaned, but never thoroughly. Dinner is whatever he pull from the freezer meals. He doesn't do much of anything with our son either......
Yea, I'm annoyed and I don't like it one little bit.
I feel your pain. DH does his best, but will never do everything that I did...not sure why, just can't seem to do it. I end up picking up the slack...mostly with the stuff other than cleaning...calling for services, organizing, things like that...running a house is more than just washing dishes. It has been a source of frustration to some degree. Lets just say I'm ready for him to go back to work...I'm not a huge fan of the sole breadwinner thing either...tried it, don't like it. But my kids are better for it...so happy we did it.
My DH did it for a time. It wasn't by choice, but by circumstances. I thought he was a great SAHD. I would have loved it to continue. But the problem was, is that my income was/is not enough to support all of us... at least in NYC. (A normal city, this would have been possible.)
If My Wife Could Earn Enough Money To Support The House While I Stayed Home, I Think It Would Solve A Lot Of Problems. I Envy Those Dads Who Were Fortunate Enough To Marry A Hard Working Woman.
If My Wife Could Earn Enough Money To Support The House While I Stayed Home, I Think It Would Solve A Lot Of Problems. I Envy Those Dads Who Were Fortunate Enough To Marry A Hard Working Woman.
I know I'm derailing (for a moment) the thread, but what is with the bizarre caps?
I was an at-home dad for three and a half years. It was the best time of my life. It was tough and much harder than going to work everyday, but let me tell you I have a better relationship with my kids now than ever! And I was the dad/husband who took care of the kids, cleaned, cooked, yardwork, part-time job from home, involved parent at school. Not a super-dad by any means...just being as involved as possible and trying to make it as easy on my wife as possible as I knew what it was like to be at work all day and come home and be wiped out.
I'm now back to work full-time and have a new respect for two-income families. I've been back for just under a year and it's a long haul everyday!! And daycare eats up our paychecks...but it is an ideal situation for our four year old. He is learning so much more than I could've taught him at home...and he still gets lots of love and attention from all of us. And our 8 year old is at the same juncture as our son.
I think thats great that you were a stay at home dad. You're right about one thing it does give the fathers a chance to bond more with their kids. My husband would love to be able to stay home and bond more with them, thats why I brought it up. Keep your head up I love stay at home dads.
My husband would be a stay at home dad if he were the lower income earner. I think it makes sense for the higher earner to work if one parent is going to be at home. In our case it is him, but if I were making more money I would work and he would stay home.
Just because something is not the norm that does not make it wrong. I think people should do whatever works for their own family and not worry so much about other people.
In my house, I work, my wife is a SAHM. I have gotten glimpses of what she does on a day-to-day basis and while I think it could be very rewarding and that I could be good at it for an amount of time, it's just not an arrangement that I would want to be permanent.
My wife and I would most likely do things a little differently, which is fine, but she definitely has a better temperament for dealing with the kids on a 24/7 basis. I think whether or not the arrangement is succesful really comes down to whether or not the dad (or mom) is happy doing it.
In my wife's case she really wanted to be able to stay home when we had the girls as she really felt like she missed out on important time with our son when she went back to work after he was born. So, we worked towards that goal. In my case I like filling the more traditional dad role and even if it was a case where my wife earned more than me, I think I would prefer working to being a SAHD.
This isn't a knock on SAHD's (or SAHM's), more of a realization that you have to WANT to do it in order for it to be succesful and if the person filling that role isn't happy or feels unfulfilled it's not a good situation for anyone.
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