12yr old nephew molested 6yr old niece. What to do now? (attorneys, boys)
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Most child abuse is also never reported because families usually have the mentality of keeping the issue within the family. There are thus no consequences along with usually no real efforts made for treatment or therapy for the victim. Eventually this mentality becomes pervasive, and the jokes just being to fly about aunt susie, and uncle ted rather then anyone doing anything.
Save calling the cops for when an adult is molesting a 6 year old. However, this case could have been handled without getting courts involved; people need to just think a little bit before reacting.
Save calling the cops for when an adult is molesting a 6 year old. However, this case could have been handled without getting courts involved; people need to just think a little bit before reacting.
I disagree as this will set in the gravity of the situation for the child. And how many times do you think those same adults got caught as kids and were let off?
I disagree as this will set in the gravity of the situation for the child. And how many times do you think those same adults got caught as kids and were let off?
I disagree as this will set in the gravity of the situation for the child. And how many times do you think those same adults got caught as kids and were let off?
I am speaking purely off the cuff here, and there are several people here who know a lot more about this than me. I do agree that calling the cops and making the boy move out sound like extreme measures, and I don't know if I would have made that choice. However, I was not there.
I believe that what happened between this girl and her brother could have been an upsetting, potentially traumatizing event, but I also believe that what happened afterward could be just as damaging. Kids frequently decide how to react to something based on what their parents do; that's one of the things parents teach their children. Many parents have seen their children present a bleeding knee and a watchful expression--is this bad? is Mom scared? should I cry?
Of course I am not saying that what the boy did to his sister is no big deal, or that everybody should pretend it never happened or that the girl should not be upset or frightened. I will assume that the OP and her family know everything they need to know, and I am sure they are doing what they feel is best. However, I believe that each situation is unique, and the OP's family's response does not always fit.
I am speaking purely off the cuff here, and there are several people here who know a lot more about this than me. I do agree that calling the cops and making the boy move out sound like extreme measures, and I don't know if I would have made that choice. However, I was not there.
I believe that what happened between this girl and her brother could have been an upsetting, potentially traumatizing event, but I also believe that what happened afterward could be just as damaging. Kids frequently decide how to react to something based on what their parents do; that's one of the things parents teach their children. Many parents have seen their children present a bleeding knee and a watchful expression--is this bad? is Mom scared? should I cry?
Of course I am not saying that what the boy did to his sister is no big deal, or that everybody should pretend it never happened or that the girl should not be upset or frightened. I will assume that the OP and her family know everything they need to know, and I am sure they are doing what they feel is best. However, I believe that each situation is unique, and the OP's family's response does not always fit.
Perhaps....but then from a legal standpoint you might be placing yourself at risk if your child does it again, or someone finds out. Along with the moral factor in deciding family is more important than the community. I agree you have to tailor each situation to each child in most cases,however I'm not sure the child would have access to the types of help needed if parents just took him to a doctor themselves compared to the legal system who knows the type of experts that work well with his condition. On the possibly negative point also the fact that having even a juvenile record might prove useful to police/courts if he happens to do it again in the future.
Yes,but in a lot of places it's actually illegal to cover up child abuse of any sort. So you'd potenially be placing yourself at greater risk doing that. And if your child goes off and does it to another persons child, and this comes up during the investigation you can be civilly culpable.
Yes,but in a lot of places it's actually illegal to cover up child abuse of any sort. So you'd potenially be placing yourself at greater risk doing that. And if your child goes off and does it to another persons child, and this comes up during the investigation you can be civilly culpable.
That's what asset protection trusts and strategies are for. I'd be prepared.
As I said before, I see no need to get the cops involved for a situation like this (call the cops on an adult, not a 12 year old) and I wouldn't be covering anything up, I just wouldn't be on the phone calling the cops.
Last edited by bicoastal10; 08-02-2012 at 12:08 PM..
Why on Earth did someone call the cops? That was a terrible idea and now the 12 year old will have a record...and for what?? Bad move.
Situations like this can be handled without getting the cops involved. I swear, some people just don't think long term. They just get emotional and do whatever they feel at the time.
He won't have a record, it will probably be sealed since he is under 18 and eventually expunged.
And if you didn't call the cops and your child went to their teacher/or the police and they found out that you knew about it then you as the parent would end up losing ALL your kids to the system. My DH works with DFACS and once you lose your kids in the system, they make you jump so many hoops to get them back.
That 6 year old is going to have some issues. She needs to be protected as much as possible. I wouldn't let him anywhere near her until his issues were 100% addressed and even then I'd probably send him to a boarding school somewhere. There is no need to cover up sexual abuse or think you can handle it yourself. We have a LOT of messed up adults who were victims of sexual abuse because people had the mindset that they rather cover it up than deal with it.
That's what asset protection trusts and strategies are for. I'd be prepared.
As I said before, I see no need to get the cops involved for a situation like this (call the cops on an adult, not a 12 year old) and I wouldn't be covering anything up, I just wouldn't be on the phone calling the cops.
The primary concern for a parent here should not be being sued in civil court by the six year old when she grows up. This is speculative at best. Let's not even go there at this early date.
The concern here has to be for the welfare of both children.
It is appropriate that the twelve year old be removed from the family setting until he and his behavior are evaluated. The concerns of preventing a six year old child from being molested and abused must be balanced against the rights of the twelve year old to be treated and returned to his family.
Preventing such behavior from reoccuring has to be the focus of the system in this situation. I would rather go a little too far in terms of removing this twelve year old than not going far enough. Juvenile authorities employ psychologists to do "psycho-sexual evaluations". That evaluation will provide a lot of useful material and information. Psychologists are actually pretty good, when it comes to juveniles at predicting how likely they are to re-offend. Its too bad this happened, but intervening at this young of an age is good. The chances of preventing this sort of thing from happening again are high if the offender is properly treated, counseled, and forced to suffer some consequence.
Imagine how hard it must be for a parent who didn't deal with a situation like this when their child was 12, 13, or 14 to watch that child go to prison for 20 years at age 17 for another act of molestation.
It sounds to me like what is happening is exactly what should be happening. Lets all pray that the authorities can get deal with this twelve year old's problems and that this family can be reunited some time in the near future.
Needhelp, I lived with a man and his nephew did things to young boys. I wish I knew every detail so I could share them with you, but heres what I remember. He was also 12, and I know he drew sexual pictures and gave them to younger boys saying thats what he wanted to do to them. I dont even know if he actually touched anyone, but I assume he must have. We knew he might be gay from a very young age, and his parents were horrible to him about it. Called him awful names and even told him if he were gay they would never see him again.
His granny & I tried to give him loving attention, he was a very sweet child. When he was arrested at 12, I only heard it was because of the pictures. He was not allowed home and I was asked to keep him for a bit. I did, then he went to juvenile hall and had tons of court dates. We all went and had visits with him, and he seemed fine. Long story short, he stayed locked up till he was 18. Thats why I assume he did more than just the pictures, but I never heard a hint of full on sex. They made it sound like it was because he'd never be allowed home.
Since I am no longer close to the family, I was so happy to find this young man on F.B. about 2 months ago. I've only lurked, but he appears to be a happy productive young gay male. He is on a healthy living crusade and has a great career in show business. I have always worried about him, mainly cause he had terrible parents. Your nephew sounds like he has a wonderful support system. That makes me think he wont be away till he turns 18. In this older ladies opinion, our kids today dont have much of a chance not to be sexual. Its thrown in their face on tv, music and every facet of everyday life.
I'd bet peer pressure is also hard on them. Kids arent able to stay innocent today, they know too much. I hope this is your nephews 1st offence and his odds are very good, imo. Does your sister want him back home? Oh, forgot to mention that my friends boy wasnt ever sexually abused as far as we knew. Do you have a family member that could take him in? I seem to remember the granny having her grand for very long visits. I wish I knew more to tell you, but I mainly wanted to let you know its not the end of the world. And that he can be helped and turn out amazing! Good luck and hope you keep us updated.
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Good luck and hope you keep us updated.
